„Abe…“
He cupped her face, gently sweeping his thumb along the curve of her cheek. Back and forth. „Then I thought about us, standing in front of the church, holding our child.“
But what he’d thought would give her ease had the opposite effect. She lurched to her feet and backed away from him, her eyes panicked. „Stop.“
Standing, he reached for her, but she took another few stumbling steps back. „Abe, stop.“ She closed her eyes. „I need to tell you something and I need you to listen because it’s hard to say.“
They were the same words she’d used last night, before revealing the truth about her child. His heart chilled and he slowly lowered his hands. „All right.“
She visibly schooled her features, straightened her posture and clasped her hands behind her back and all at once she was the woman he’d met ten days before. Her protective shields reerected. Untouchable. „I won’t have any more children.“
Her dispassionate words were a kick to the gut, sucking the air from his lungs. He could say nothing at first, then made himself breathe. „Kristen, I know you feel guilty about placing your daughter up for adoption, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be a good mother.“
Her eyes flickered wildly and for a moment he thought she’d laugh hysterically. But her control was secure and when she spoke it was calmly. „No, Abe, you don’t understand. I’m unable. I’m…“ She swallowed hard. „After the baby was born, they took her away and I thought my life was over. I’d given away something so precious… But I told myself that I was still young. I might have another someday. Then six weeks later I came back for the follow-up exam and they found I’d developed a growth.“ Her lips twisted, but her posture remained controlled. „Kaplan had done more than rape and impregnate me. He apparently gave me a nasty little STD that over the months of my pregnancy had become cancerous.“
His face must have shown his shock because she threw him a brittle smile. „Don’t worry. It’s all gone, along with half of my cervix.“
Abe blindly felt for the sofa behind him and sat on the arm. He drew a breath and searched for the words that she would believe. That he believed himself.
It doesn’t matter. Of course it did.
We can adopt. The irony there was just too much.
For a moment he grieved the loss. He’d never see her round and full with his child. He’d never splay his hands over her round belly and feel his child kick. He’d never stand beside her as she battled through labor. He’d never stand in front of the church holding his own child while his family and friends looked on in joy. All the things he’d watched Sean and Ruth do over the years. All those things he’d never do. They’d never do.
Because in the end, it would still be the two of them. Whether they had a house full of children or not. Because in the end, he loved her, and she’d said she loved him.
Kristen watched him, watched the truth sink in. Watched his dream slowly die in his eyes. And as he sat there, saying nothing, she could watch him no longer. She turned and walked to the bedroom to stare out the window.
Abe watched her go, so terribly afraid he’d say the wrong thing that he was unable to say anything at all. His cell phone trilled, echoing in the dreadful quiet.
„Reagan.“
„Detective Reagan, this is the nurse from the ICU at County.“
His heart sank. Vincent must have died. He didn’t know how Kristen could take yet another blow. „I remember you. What’s happened to Vincent?“
„Mr. Potremski’s condition is unchanged. The reason I’m calling is that young man has returned. Timothy. He wants to see Vincent.“
Abe jumped to his feet. „Can you keep him there for a half hour?“
„I’ll try.“
Abe ran back to the bedroom, then halted abruptly. Kristen stood at the window, hunched over, her arms wrapped around herself. From where he stood he could see the violent trembles that wracked her body. She was at the end of her rope. She didn’t need to be dragged all over the city in this state. He knew by now how important control was to Kristen. The appearance of control, anyway. She needed to stay here, where she could regroup. He’d talk to this Timothy himself, then he’d come back and they’d talk and he’d make her believe that everything would be all right.
„Kristen, I need to go out for a little while.“ He made his voice as gentle as he could. „I’ll call Aidan to come stay with you until I come back.“ He crossed the room and stood behind her, wishing he knew what to say or do. In the end he just drew her into his arms and held her there while she trembled and quaked. „Lie down and rest. And then we’ll talk.“
She nodded and allowed him to lead her to the bed, where she sat. So quietly. He tipped her face up and brushed a kiss across her lips and left her staring after him.
Saturday, February 28,
2:15 p.m.
Of course it mattered. Kristen had only to look at the desolation on his face to know it mattered. Still she’d waited for him to say it was all right. That he loved her anyway, that they could still be happy. But he hadn’t said any of those things.
He didn’t say it was over, either. Logic started to break through, but logic was a poor substitute for the words she’d so desperately needed to hear. With a sigh she got up and walked through the house. It was so quiet. For the first time in a week, she was alone in her own house. It was unnerving.
„Here, kitty, kitty,“ she said, just to hear the sound of her own voice. It had always been this quiet before she’d met Abe Reagan, but she hadn’t realized before just how much she despised it. She wished she was back at Kyle and Becca’s, with its blaring TVs and constant activity. She jumped when Nostradamus rubbed against her legs. She hadn’t seen either cat since she’d torn down the wall. „Let’s go get you some dinner.“
But she had no kitchen. She looked around and for the first time wondered what had become of her dishes. She supposed Annie had stored them somewhere. So she cleaned out a potpourri dish and filled it with cat kibble. Then wondered what to do next.
The muted strains of her cell phone caught her ear and she grabbed it from her purse, her heart stuttering. The last call to her phone had been a threat, and even though the church hall was filled with cops, the Reagans would be at risk until this whole nightmare was over. „Kristen Mayhew.“
„Miss Mayhew, you don’t know me, but my name is Dr. Porter. I’m with the Lake County Coroner’s Office. I was told you were searching for Leah Broderick.“
Her pulse scrambling, Kristen sat down at her desk and pulled out a notepad. Lake County was where they’d found the Worth shack along with the sniper’s practice paraphernalia. „Yes, we are. What can you tell me?“
„Well, I signed her death certificate on December 27 of last year. It was a suicide.“
Kristen sighed. „That doesn’t surprise me at this point. Can you tell me who made the identification and arranged for burial?“
„It was her father, I remember that.“ Kristen heard a file cabinet opening in the background. „I’ll check his name.“ That was strange, she thought. She distinctly remembered Leah’s mother as a single parent. Still, it was worth a try…
„Was it Robert Barnett by chance? Or maybe someone named Worth?“
„No, I know that wasn’t it. Hold on… Here it is. Owen Madden.“
Kristen’s hand went limp, the pen rolling out of her grasp. Instant denial sprang from her lips. „No, that can’t be right.“
„I can assure you it is.“ He sounded offended. „I remember him well. I did the ID by closed-circuit video because the body was so disfigured. He stood there as stoic as a Marine.“
For a moment Kristen could only stare, her breath coming fast and shallow. Owen. It simply wasn’t possible.