At sunrise, I found myself awake and staring out the window. The sunrise seemed like a smudge of gray dirt across the New York City sky. Buildings twinkled as the sunlight ihuminated their tips-like a million gray candles celebrating my birthday.
My room seemed small and confining. I showered and dressed, then had breakfast in the hotel diner in the lobby. I had to get out, get away.
I walked downtown through the empty, early morning streets. I saw a few partiers returning late, like vampires returning to their coffins before the sun destroyed them. I saw drunks and winoes laying in the gutter like discarded rubbish. Their clothing was brown and greasy with filth, and gray stubble pocked their cheeks. I even saw a few real prostitutes standing on the corner of 49th Street The sunlight made them seem harsh and glaring, like cheap-painted toys that were stenciled "Made-In-Japan." I couldn't take my eyes from them. Their laughter rang in my ears like hollow echoes of something that eluded my awareness.
I was standing, staring at them, when a young boy said to me: "Lady!"
I turned around and looked at him. He couldn't have been more than seventeen.
"I've got fifteen dollars," he said. "Is that enough?"
I stared at him in disbelief. "No," I mumbled, and I turned away from him. He called after me two or three times, but I didn't turn back. I was afraid to.
"What's happening to me?" I asked myself.
I wandered further downtown until I was at Times Square. Stores were opening-frankfurters, pizza, transistor radios. I saw all the porno theaters-pictures of tits and thighs, and men and women in suggestive, sexual attitudes. The names of all the films were lurid, with crude, double meanings. I found myself staring at the advertisements for the films. My eyes darted from one obscenity to another.
My head began to spin and the street seemed to go out of focus. I felt faint I had to escape! Get away!
Everything was moving so quickly. Spinning and swirling around, clattering in my ears like hollow laughter.
"One!" I heard someone say. Was it me? Someone handed me a ticket, then tore it in half. I saw drapes part, and felt the cool caress of air conditioned darkness touch my skin. I stumbled blindly forward into the darkness, my head throbbing, and the din of laughter ringing in my ears.
I sat down somewhere and closed my eyes. I felt silence all around me. Silence and darkness. I felt cool, and my breathing was growing relaxed. My heart was no longer racing. The dizziness slipped away, and the echoes quieted until they were gone.
I opened my eyes.
I was in a movie theater.
I was sitting in the back row, up against the wall. Down in front of me were countless rows of empty seats, speckled occasionally with heads and shoulders. There couldn't have been more than ten or fifteen people in the theatre. They were all sitting separately, with rows between them, as though they needed the darkness to prevent contamination.
On the screen was a riot of color. My eyes took a moment to adjust themselves to see. The color came into focus, and became two naked bodies. The scene was a close-up of a man's cock sliding silently in and out of some woman's cunt. Her legs were parted widely, and I could see the black crimp of her pubic hair, and the split pink lips of her cunt swallowing the thick rod of someone's cock.
The film was silent, with no words or grunts or music. Just silent, sterile fucking in an almost empty movie house. The ten-foot-long cock slid in and out of the gigantic-sized cunt. The woman's face seemed impassive, flickering at times with false passion.
My breathing had returned to normal. I sat there in the darkness, watching the scene on the screen, feeling detached from any involvement. I watched the moving cock and the thirsting cunt, and felt no passion. My mind and my body were cold.
How long I had been sitting there before I heard the noise, I don't know. It registered on my brain after I remember having heard it; as though it filtered down through the layers of awareness. The sound seemed to be coming from my right, further down the row. It sounded like breathing, or heavy panting.
I turned and saw him. An older man, perhaps in his fifties. He was slumped in his seat, with his body turned towards me. His legs were parted, and he had his cock pulled out. He was jerking himself off and looking at me. He could not have been more than ten feet from me.
I stared at him for a moment, still feeling no reaction. He was unreal to me as the two fucking bodies on the screen. His cock looked like a pale sliver of flesh in the dark.
I stared at him for a long while. I watched without feeling anything as he slowly pumped his curled fist up and down his cock. He spread his thighs more fully when he saw I was watching, and he exaggerated the movement of his hand. With each upward stroke of his hand, he seemed to be offering his cock to me.
I turned away from him and looked back at the screen. The man on the film was finally achieving orgasm. He pulled his long cock from her silent cunt and spilled his thick white come on her stomach. Then she put her hand down in it and rubbed it over her stomach and cunt, lastly licking the dripping fluid from her fingers.
The scene flickered for a moment, and then the couple vanished. In their place was another couple-seminude. The woman was blonde, and she was sucking on a half-hard cock of a man wearing pants. There had been no transition from one film to the other, from one couple to the other, from one sex act to the other. It was all the same.
Her red lips pulled in a tight circle around the man's cock, and she pushed her face dispassionately up and down the cock. I watched it vanish into her mouth and then slide out again, wet with her saliva.
I turned again and looked at the man. He was watching the screen with flirting glimpses, pivoting his head back and forth, dividing his attention to the film and to gaining my attention. He had his balls pulled out of his pants, and they rested on his lap. Like the man in the film, the old man's cock was only semi-hard.
Without a word, I began to slide closer to the old man, slipping wordlessly from one seat to the next. His mouth dropped open, and disbelief registered on his face. He pulled himself up, away from me, as though he really didn't want what he was asking for.
I stopped one seat from him. His mouth was open, and he no longer was holding his cock. I looked at the screen. In the film the scene had not significandy changed: the woman was still sliding her mouth up and down the man's cock. Now he was holding her head.
I dropped down on my knees and leaned forward, taking his semi-hard cock in my mouth. I grasped the warm flesh between my tight lips, and sucked upward. I felt the head flop wetly against my tongue. I lashed it smoothly, stroking the underside, and bathing it in a puddle of saliva. I felt it growing steadily harder, until it stood erect from his belly.
His thighs tensed, and he held my head down against him. His flesh tasted stale and sweaty, and I could smell the odor of sex from between his thighs.
I jerked my head up and down, permitting his cock to penetrate the wetness of my mouth. He began to moan and squirm in his seat, and his hands became steel bands, binding me to his crotch. He pulled my face down and pushed his hips up to greet my plunging face. His cock jammed deeply into my throat, flat against my tongue, and began to jerk violently. He began to spew his come against my tongue in hot, spilling bursts. I swirled my tongue across the tip of his cock, providing even more pleasure and heightening his orgasm to the point that it made him moan audibly.
My mouth filled up with his sperm, forming a puddle in my cheeks, and clotting under my tongue. I sucked his cock dry, and allowed it to flop from my lips. A thin string of sperm trickled from the side of my mouth.