(Relax, Boss. Get used to it.)
(Damnation, I do not want to be placed on a bedpan by a nurse like a baby being put on a potty. You know what'll happen? Nothing! I'll clamp down and not be able to do it. Eunice, there's my bathroom through that door—can't we ask to be helped into there...and left in private?)
(Boss, you know what would happen. You ring for the nurse and tell her. She'll try to argue you out of it. Then she'll go find Dr. Garcia. He'll show up and argue, too. If you're stubborn, he'll get Jake. By the time Jake shows up, we've wet the bed.)
(Eunice, you're infuriating. All right, let's ring for that goddam pan.)
(Hold it, Boss. Can we get this side rail down?)
(Huh?)
(If we can, what's stopping us from going to the bathroom without asking?)
(But, Eunice-—I haven't walked in more than a year!)
(That was before you got this secondhand, good-as-new, factory-reconditioned, female body, Boss.)
(You think we can walk?)
(Let's find out. If standing up makes us dizzy, we can hang onto the bed and ease down to the floor. I'm certain we can crawl, Boss.)
(Let's do it!)
(Let's see how this side rail works.)
Johann found the guard rails baffling. There seemed to be no way for a person in the bed to let them down. Not surprising, she told herself; if these bars were meant to protect a befuddled patient, then proper design called for it to be impossible for a patient to remove them. (Eunice, we're going to have to ring for the nurse. Damn!) (Don't give up, Boss. Maybe it's a button on the console. If we scrooch around till our head is at the foot, I think we can reach the console.)
So Johann pulled up her knees and twisted and switched ends—and was surprised and delighted at how limber her new body was. Then she stretched her right arm through the bars at the foot of the bed, could not quite reach the console—~-and cussed, and then discovered how the side rails locked—two simple catches, one for each side, at the foot of the bed below the springs, out of reach (no doubt the designer thought) of any patient ill enough to need the side rails.
She thumbed open the leftside catch; the rail, counterweighted, pushed down easily. She giggled. (How're we doing, partner?) (Fine so far, Boss. Hang onto the end of the bed while we get our feet down. Keel over and they'll put us in a wet pack—so hang on!)
Johann got her feet to the floor, stood trembling while she clung to the bed. (Dizzy.) (Of course. It will go away. Steady down, dear. Boss, I think we could walk... but let's play safe and crawl. If we get dizzy again and take a dive on the rug, Winnie will be in here like a shot—and from then on they'll feed us through the bars. What do you think?) (I think we had better reach that pot pronto before we have to blame it on the cat. We crawl.)
Getting to the floor was no problem; crawling was another matter, she caught her knees on the hospital gown. So she sat up-Johann discovered that her new body folded easily and naturally into a contortion young Johann had found difficult at twelve.
She did not stop to wonder. The bed jacket was no trouble; it fastened in front with a magnostrip, she shrugged it off and laid it aside. But the hospital gown fastened in back. (Stickstrip?) (Just a tie-tie. Feels like a bow knot. Careful, Boss, don't snarl it.)
The gown joined the jacket. Unencumbered now, Johann resumed crawling. The bath-dressing room door snapped out of her way and she reached her objective. Presently she sighed in relief. (I feel better.) (That makes two of us. Want to try walking back? As far as we have something to grab onto? Or clear to the bed if we whistle a chair and have it roll in front of us.) (I'm game.)
Johann found that she was not unsteady on her feet—walking was easier than it had been for twenty years.
Nevertheless she stayed close to the walls, the bathroom having been equipped years ago with grab rails for a frail old man grimly afraid of falling. It took her close to a tall three-way mirror in the dressing room end. She stopped.
Then she stepped into the central spot and looked at herself. (My God, Eunice, but you're beautiful!)
(My God, but we're a sloppy bitch! BOSS, look at those toenails! Claws. Talons. And, oh dear, my breasts sag! And my belly is positively flabby.)
(Beautiful. Utterly gorgeous. Eunice beloved, I always wanted to see you stark naked. And now I do.)
(So you do. I wish I had had time to get looking nice before you saw me. Hair a mess. And—yes, I thought so. We stink.) (Hey!) (Sorry, hit the panic button by mistake. Boss, we're going to have a hot, soapy bath before we get back into that bed. That's straight from Washington. We can't do much about flab in one day—hut we can get clean.) She turned and inspected her buttocks. (Oh, dear! A broad should be broad—but not that broad.) (Eunice, that's the prettiest fanny in the state. In the whole country.) (Used to be, maybe. And it's going to be again and that's a promise, Boss. Tomorrow morning we start systematic exercise. Tighten up everything.) (Okay, if you say so—though I still say you're the most gorgeously beautiful thing I ever saw in my life. Uh, Eunice? That mermaid getup you wore once—You were wearing a trick bra with it weren't you?)
She giggled. (Heavens, no. Just me, Boss. And paint. But my breasts were firm as rocks then; Joe had something to work with. I guess that's the nakedest you've ever seen me.)
(What do you think I'm staring at now, Beautiful?)
(Oh, I meant back before I was killed. When I was your ‘nice' girl who didn't dare let you see me as naked as I knew you would like, you dirty old man. Although you could have seen me naked—and much more beautiful—any time you had gotten up the nerve to ask.)
(I'm going to spend hours every day standing right here and staring.)
(No reason why you shouldn't, dear; it's your body now. But let's put an exercise mat on the floor and get in that toning up at the same time. Most exercises can be done better with the aid of a full-length mirror. I think we—)
The door snapped open. "Miss Smith!"
Johann started with surprise, then answered savagely, "Miss Gersten, what the devil do you mean by bursting into my bath without knocking?"
The nurse ignored the outburst, hurried to her patient, put an arm around her. "Lean on my shoulder, let's get you back into bed. Oh, dear, I don't know what Dr. Garcia will say! He'll kill me—are you all right?" Johann saw that the little nurse was about to cry.
"Of course I'm all right." Johann tried to shrug off the arm, found that the girl was stronger than she looked. "You didn't answer."
The nurse did cry then. "Oh, please, dear, don't argue with me! Let's get you into bed before you hurt yourself. Maybe Dr. Garcia won't be quite so angry."
Seeing that the younger woman was most unprofessionally disturbed, Johann let herself be urged out into the bedroom and to the bed. The little redhead caught her breath. "There! Now if you'll hold tight around my neck, I can get your legs up-you bad, bad girl! To worry me so!"
Johann did not cooperate. "Winnie."
"Yes, dear? Oh, do let me get you into bed! Doctor will be terribly angry."
"Not so fast. If you're planning on telling teacher, go do it. I can hang onto the bed, I won't fall."
The nurse looked desperate. "Are you trying to get me fired, Miss? Maybe blacklisted? What have I ever done to you?"
"Winnie dear."
"Yes?"
"You aren't going to say a word to Dr. Garcia." Johann slid an arm around the redhead's waist. "Are you?"
The nurse looked flustered but did not pull away. "Well, I should. I'm supposed to report everything."
"But you aren't going to. And I'm not going to tell him, either. Tight secret, just you and me. And no huhu for anyone."
"Well... I won't if you won't."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
Johann kissed her. Winnie did not dodge but seemed startled and somewhat timid. Then she caught her breath and her lips opened and the kiss progressed rapidly.
The nurse pulled her mouth free and said huskily, "I could get fired almost as quickly for this." She did not say what "this" was. She ignored the fact that Johann's free hand was cupping one of her breasts,