In addition to which, young man, your facts are erroneous. There are no Indians in the land of Oz. They were exterminated many years ago by the Munchkins. Oz is a far better (and safer) place for their absence. Perhaps some day you will see that our great country would fare even better (we have no witches here) should we follow the same course of action.
Perhaps it is good that I did not see the picture you drew. I am not sure that I would find it in my heart to forgive you for the violence you did to them.
Yours truly,
L. Frank Baum
4. A high point of the year was the tug-of-war. Griselda Duderstadt, Halcyon Days in Wilkinson County (El Dorado, Arkansas: Ouachita Publishing, 1974), 178-79. The Wilkinson County tug-of-war had been an annual event going back to 1870. Traditionally, male citizens of Pettiville would gather on the south bank of Gobles Creek as male citizens of neighboring Ambless gathered on the north bank with the exception of 1889 when Pettivillians, finding the south bank rain-soaked and mud-laden — a disadvantage they would not accept — requested of their north county rivals a switch, or at the very least, the drawing of lots to determine bank assignment. Amblessites, staunchly adhering to tradition, rejected both proposals. Rather than canceling the bout, the two teams agreed to join forces for this one year, the men of both towns gathering en masse on the north bank to pull down a roped oak tree across the creek. Failing miserably at this task (“We removed some bark.”) the men were mocked by their female kin, and the Pettiville Press published a demoralizing story under the headline, “Wilkinson County Hangs its Head. Oak Tree wins Annual Tug-of-war” (24 July1889). The emasculated men of the county did, however, get the last laugh; the next week they chopped down the deeply rooted oak, milled its timber and turned the boards into backsplashes for a number of Pettiville and Ambless outhouses. “This way,” explained Pettiville mayor Herman Sills, “whoever wanted to, could piss right on that damned uppity tree.”
5. Jonathan was caught playing craps behind the main tent of the Billy Wonder Traveling Revival. Interview with Odger Blashette.
6. Later Jonathan found Jesus at the Billy Wonder Traveling Revival. Jonathan’s chief duties as “silent deacon” during his summer on the tent show circuit after his conversion by Billy Wonder included standing as sentry to prevent “bedeviled” teenaged hooligans from pulling out the stakes and toppling the canvas tenting, collecting love offerings from those in attendance, and lending a hand to those spiritually and physically “infirm” who might wish to approach the altar to obtain soul-cleansing and chiropractic adjustments. Sixteen-, then seventeen-year-old Jonathan wrestled throughout the summer with a faith that seemed by turns impertinent and non-existent. “Is it possible to be a Christian and not believe in God?” Jonathan posed in his diary. He put this question to Billy Wonder, as well. “That’s a new one on me,” Billy responded, and then added somewhat cryptically, “I suppose you can drink the milk without dancing with the cow.” “And what milk would that be?” Jonathan inquired of the man who, in spite of his skillful religious legerdemain, did possess faith of a sort. “Why, the milk of human kindness!” Billy chirped, his bright, sun-glinted eyes reflecting thoughtful consideration of the concept. An interesting concept, Jonathan noted in his journal, from the wonder-working Billy Wonder. Jonathan’s Diary, 30 June 1904, JBP.
7. Jonathan was removed from the Epworth League for making a joke about the Holy Ghost. Reverend Devon Stoddard to Eugenia Sellers, 20 September1904, Sellers Family Papers.
8. Jonathan was voted president of the Pettiville High School Debate Society. Jonathan’s Diary, 12 October1904.
9. Jonathan lost the presidency of the debate society when a rival challenged his legitimacy and he responded with, “Oh, really…must we debate this?” Ibid., 13 October1904.
10. Jonathan considered quitting school and becoming a patent medicine salesman. Interview with Odger Blashette.
11. Jonathan decided not to quit school and become a patent medicine salesman. Ibid.
12. “I’m so glad that you decided not to quit school and become a patent medicine salesman. Your mother is too.” Ibid.
13. “He’s right. I am. Come give Mother a hug.” Ibid.
14. Love finds Jonathan Blashette. Mildred Boyers’s family was relatively new to Pettiville. Her father sold Divine Bain sea sponges throughout a territory that included eastern Arkansas, northern Mississippi, and western Tennessee as well as, curiously, Atlantic City, New Jersey, where, it was said, he had a mistress named Sheila who either (sources disagree) ate lye and died, or ate dye and lied about it, bragging that blue tongues ran in her family. Mildred wasn’t close to her father, but found comfort and solace at the rectory of St. Bartholomew Catholic Church of Ambless where she performed light housekeeping chores and posed as famous Greek statuary for the amusement of Father Dwayne and his toothless assistant Toot. Maise Boyers Gabridge, interview by author, 16 May 2000.
No picture of Jonathan’s first girlfriend Mildred exists (see Note 16.). However, we have been left with several photographic likenesses of “Sheila,” discovered among the Boyers family effects in an old Atlantic City taffy box. In one snapshot she wears a Gibson Girl bathing dress and a big grin. This particular picture was given to me by Sheila’s great-granddaughter and it is now affixed to my refrigerator right next to the Michigan snowshoe magnet that secures my coupons for Mint Milanos.
15. “Mildred’s my gal.” As happy as Jonathan and Mildred were, they must have known that they were not destined to spend the rest of their lives together. Perhaps this note, slipped into Jonathan’s hand at the Pettiville High School Homecoming bonfire, offers a few clues. JBP.
November 2, 1904
Dear Jonny,
You CANNOT, CANNOT, CANNOT think that I would go on the hayride with you. I simply will not do it. You will horse around as you always do when you get with Bub and Charlie and the Vox, and will pay no attention to me, you may be sure of it. I will sit in a corner of that wagon ALONE and watch the four of you make UTTER fools of one another and wonder why I ever FOR ONE MINUTE thought we’d be cuddling in the moonlight when that is probably THE LAST THING ON YOUR MIND! So you go on without me and I will stay behind and help Miss Britten dust her erasers unless you can absolutely positively assure me that you will pay attention to ME and only ME on the hayride and not act the fool with those ruffian characters you call your pals.
I made you a pie last night and it is waiting for you in the home sciences room and you may have it for the price of a little KINDNESS for HEAVENS SAKE!
Love,
Mildred
PS. Daddy is off in Atlantic City again. He will no doubt try to make me feel better about his absence by bringing home TAFFY.
16. Another favorite pastime was “kodaking” in Donlee Hills. Each of these photographs of Jonathan and his friends (JBP and Maise Boyers Gabridge, Private Collection of Family Ephemera) was taken with Mildred’s new Brownie camera, probably by Jonathan’s high school chum Will “The Vox” Crispen. The oversize thumb-intrusions in the bottom right corner of each are identical.
Though camera-shy herself, Mildred loved her little Brownie and was careful to preserve all of her own efforts, including a photographic essay she entitled “Work, the Curse of the Drinking Class.” Jonathan played one of the roles in this pictorial commentary on Upper Class indolence, dressing up as a moneyed swell, berating (in frozen pantomime) the hired help, and drinking himself into a nightly stupor. The photographic tableau assigned to “nightly stupor” shows Jonathan comically body-hugging a lamppost. I have discovered a number of variations of the lamppost clench. My chief researcher Billy Vivian was quick to demonstrate to me that by placing the photographs in a certain order and flipping them, one may animate the scene, thus producing a peep show of Jonathan dry-humping the post.