But, of course, I didn't tell him any of that. Instead, I said, "It doesn't matter how I know. I just do. And if you want your mum to know too, and the police —"
"My mum?" he sneered. "You can tell her what you like. I couldn't give a shit."
"No?" I said. "So how come you're whispering?"
He glared at me for a moment, trying to look hard and scornful, but I knew it was just a show. All the gang kids round here are scared of their mums. They'll never admit to it, of course, but no matter how old they are, no matter how vicious or streetwise or emotionally dead...they're all just mummy's boys at heart. And Ben was no different.
"So," I said to him. "Are you going to tell me what happened? Or do you want me to go and have a word with your mum?"
He shook his head. "I'm not giving you any names —"
"I didn't ask for any names. I just want to know what happened."
"All right," he hissed. "Just keep your voice down, OK?"
I stared at him. "I'm still waiting ..."
"Look," he whispered, "it wasn't anything to do with the phone, all right? Well, not really ... I mean, I was with some of the FGH when I nicked it, but —"
"The FGH? What were you doing with them?"
"Nothing. Just hanging around, you know ..."
"I thought you were hanging around with the Crows?"
"Well, yeah ... but it started getting a bit heavy with them, you know ..."
"What do you mean?"
He hesitated.
I said, "What do you mean, Ben?"
He sighed. "They wanted me to stick this guy, you know, stab him ... I don't know why. He wasn't FGH or anything, he was just some kid ... I think he'd dissed one of the Crows, a guy called ..." He hesitated again. "Yeah, no ... I can't remember who it was. But anyway, they gave me a knife and told me I had to stab this guy. Not badly or anything, just give him a little dig in the leg, you know... "
"And you refused?"
"Yeah ... I mean, I didn't want to stab anyone, for Christ's sake." He looked at me, and all at once he wasn't the cold hard streetwise kid he pretended to be any more, he was just the kid he used to be. He sniffed, wiped his nose. "I told them I wouldn't do it," he said.
"Is that why they came round here?" I asked him. "Because you told them you wouldn't do it?"
He nodded.
I could see tears in his eyes now. "So they came round after school, and you opened the door ...?"
"Yeah," he mumbled, wiping his eyes. "I didn't know ... I mean, I didn't have time to think. One of them whacked me in the head as soon as I opened the door, and then they were all just beating on me, kicking the shit out of me ... there were loads of them. I couldn't do anything ... I was just lying on the floor, getting my fucking head kicked in ... I can't even remember most of it. I must have passed out. I didn't even know what they did to Lucy until later ..." He shook his head. "I didn't know, Tom ... I couldn't do anything to stop them."
"Yeah," I said. "Yeah, I know ... it's not your fault."
He snorted dismissively.
"You didn't do it, Ben," I assured him. "They did. They're the only ones to blame."
"Yeah, but if it wasn't for me ..."
"You can't think like that."
"I can't help it."
"What about the iPhone?" I asked him.
He sniffed hard again, sniffing up snot and tears. "I don't know ... I think one of them took it out of my pocket after they'd beaten me up ... I can't really remember." He shrugged. "I suppose they just chucked it out of the window for a laugh, you know ..He looked at my head wound for the first time. "I don't know who threw it, Tom."
"Would you tell me if you did?"
"Probably not. I mean, you know what it's like ..."
"Yeah."
"It won't do any good."
"What won't?"
"Trying to find out who did it. It won't make any difference."
"So I keep hearing."
"Yeah, well ... it won't."
I looked at him, my emotions torn between pity and something close to contempt. Despite his stupidity in getting involved with the Crows and the FGH in the first place, it really wasn't his fault that he'd been beaten up and his sister raped. And I could understand perfectly why he didn't want to name names, why he wouldn't even consider seeking punishment for his and Lucy's attackers, but he was wrong about it not making any difference. It might not make any difference in terms of undoing what had happened to him and Lucy, but catching and punishing their attackers might just mean that someone else might be saved from the same suffering.
But then, I asked myself, if you feel something close to contempt for Ben because of his refusal to name names, how can you not feel the same about Lucy?
I didn't have an answer.
I said to Ben, "Are you getting any more trouble from the Crows?"
He shook his head. "Not really ... just warnings, you know. Keep your mouth shut or else ... that kind of thing."
"What about the FGH?"
"What about them?"
"Are you still hanging around with them?"
"No." He looked at me. "You're not going to do anything, are you?"
"No," I said. "No, I'm not going to do anything."
I was really angry when I left Lucy's flat. I wasn't sure what I was angry about — Ben's feebleness, the Crows' brutality, the whole stupid thing about not being able to do anything about anything ... or maybe it was just a mixed-up mixture of everything. Like I said, I wasn't sure what it was, but as I left the flat and walked down the corridor towards the lift, I could feel this pent-up anger seething away inside me, and I could feel my wound throbbing, my skin glowing, my head tingling ... and then, inside my head, I heard voices ...
Voices talking on mobiles.
There was a moment, an instant before the voices became clear to me, when they seemed to be part of a vast cloud of other voices, millions and millions of people, all talking at the same time, and then, somehow, two of those voices became detached from the huge swirling cloud, like two single birds detaching themselves from a million-strong flock, and not only could I hear those two separate voices with absolute clarity, I knew who they were, and where they were coming from too.
Yeah, the Harvey kid, the first voice was saying. I think he knows her. He went up about an hour ago.
It was Jayden Carroll, the kid I'd seen in the lift earlier on. He was calling from the ground floor downstairs.
So? the second voice answered. She ain't gonna tell him nothing, is she?
And that was Eugene O'Neil. He was in a third-floor flat in Disraeli.
I was just letting you know, that's all, Jayden said. I thought you'd wanna —
Yeah, all right. Is he still in there?
Dunno —
Well, get up there and find out. If he's gone, get the brother ... what's his name?
Ben.
Yeah, right. Find out from him what Harvey wanted, and remind him again about keeping his mouth shut.
Who? Harvey?
No, fuck's sake, the brother. Just tell him what we told him before. OK?
Yeah.
Go on then. Right.
The call ended.