“You should bring your bed back home so when you come to visit you don’t have to sleep on the couch,” Alex says as we get dressed in our traditional black mourning attire.
I lean toward my vanity mirror and apply some mascara. “Yeah, about that … I think I’m moving back across the street if you haven’t already rented out my room.”
“What?” Alex’s voice escalates.
“I didn’t want to mention it in front of my parents when you and Sean arrived last night, but Oliver and I aren’t getting along right now.” I will myself not to get emotional while applying my makeup.
“Flower, what happened?”
Dabbing some blush onto my cheeks, I look at her reflection in the mirror. “Secrets, jealously, and Kai happened.”
“I get the Kai part. Oliver couldn’t have been too thrilled to see you rush off on his birthday with your ex-boyfriend.”
“Yeah, that started it but then he called when I was at Kai’s Friday night.”
“And?”
I sigh. “And he was pissed and basically implied I was being a whore.”
“What? Why?”
“Because Kai’s parents were at Sarah’s and Kai didn’t want to be alone so I stayed the night.”
“So, why would he be pissed about that? It’s not like you slept with him.”
“No, I didn’t sleep with him as in have sex with him, but I slept beside him in his bed, like friends.”
“What the hell, Flower! Why would you do that?”
“What?” I turn toward her. “We didn’t do anything. He was grieving the loss of Sarah … we both were.”
“That doesn’t mean you sleep in his bed. You just moved in with Oliver. That should mean something.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “What’s the big deal? You’re acting like Oliver and it really hurts that nobody trusts me.”
“Flower …” Alex’s voice flows like honey. “I don’t think you’re looking at this the right way. How would you feel if Oliver had a female friend that had once been his girlfriend and her sister died so he stayed with her … in her bed? Would you think it was appropriate?”
“Yes.” NO! The internal chastising begins. How could I not see it through his eyes?
“Flower …” Alex cocks her head to the side.
“God, I’m so stupid.” I turn back to the mirror. Yep, that’s what stupid looks like.
Alex zips the back of my dress and adjusts my necklace. “Innocent, trusting, and maybe even a little naive … but not stupid.”
Naive. From his lips it felt like a hurtful lie, from hers it’s the painful truth.
“I have some fences to mend.”
Alex nods with a sad smile, slips on her black heels, and offers me her hand.
Chapter Nineteen
Mrs. Konrad
Vivian
How is it that Oliver can choose not to disclose his past, let me move in with him, not share what’s behind that stupid locked door, and avert all discussion about anything that makes him uncomfortable, yet I am always the one apologizing? I’ve spent the entire ride back to Cambridge going through my speech in my head. There will be an apology on my part, but there will also be disclosure on his.
It’s after nine at night by the time we arrive home.
“Good luck, Flower.” Alex hugs me. “My door is always open if he kicks you out.”
With a roll of my eyes, I laugh. “Go ahead and lock your door tonight. No worries, I’ve got this.”
Sean hugs me. “Do your worst, Viv, and if all else fails take off your clothes.”
As if on cue, Sean gasps for air as he hugs his gut and buckles his knees. Alex adheres to the strict motto. “Spare the junk punch, spoil the boyfriend.”
“Get your ass inside instead of talking through it. Flower isn’t going to take off her clothes like some pathetic bimbo to make her apology more believable. Now go!” She points to her red door and Sean scampers off like an injured animal.
After he’s inside she turns to me. “You’re totally going to have to strip, but then you make sure you milk the upper hand. Got it? Work that hot body of yours and by morning he’ll be confessing like a Cardinal with a room full of altar boys. Now go!”
I open my mouth and she presses her finger to it. “Go!”
Lugging my bags up the stairs, I look back once more before opening the door. Alex gives me the shoo signal so I go inside. There’s a small light on in the living room, but I don’t see or hear Oliver.
“Oli?”
No answer.
I drop my bags and walk upstairs. No Oliver.
Going back down the stairs I call his name again. No answer.
There are no notes on the counter and his car is out front, but it’s possible he’s walked somewhere or he could be with Chance, but he doesn’t usually leave on the lights. I walk past the patio door and freeze when I see a shadowy figure out of the corner of my eye. Opening the door, I spot him reclining in a chair with his back to me and the porch light off.
“Hey, didn’t you hear me?”
“I did.”
I step out on the deck. He doesn’t look at me.
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“I don’t think there’s anything left to say.” He holds up a familiar bag, but still doesn’t look at me. “You need to take this and the rest of your stuff and leave.”
I take the bag from him. “You’re kicking me out?”
He nods.
“Because of a little weed?”
He turns with bug eyes. “A little weed? You have an illegal drug in your possession. I’m not getting involved with a pothead! Maybe you’re going through some college experimental phase, but I’m not.”
“I’m not a pothead you idiot! I’ve never smoked it, ate it, bonged it, or whatever the hell people do with it. I brought it home for your birthday to share.”
He laughs with insane hysteria. “To share? This was my birthday present? You bought me marijuana for my birthday?”
“I didn’t buy it and it’s not your present. Maggie sent it home with me after I told her you were acting weird Friday morning.”
He sits up and runs his fingers through his hair while shaking his head. “Where did Maggie get this and why were you telling her about us?”
“What do you mean where did she get this? She’s been growing it since she was first diagnosed with cancer years ago, hence the name, The Green Pot! And I have to talk to someone about us because you sure as hell don’t want to talk about anything.”
“I can’t do this.” He stands and brushes past me.
“You can’t do what?” I follow him into the house. “Us? Pot?”
“Either … both.” His back is to me, hands resting on his hips, head bowed.
It hurts to breathe. The pain in my chest is crushing. “I came home, or here…” I shake my head “…I guess I don’t even have a home anymore.” I blink back my tears. “I was going to tell you that I was sorry. Nothing happened between me and Kai, but staying with him was wrong, and hurtful, and … naive. I was going to ask you to share your past with me, to trust me with all of you the way I’ve trusted you with all of me. There was so much I wanted to say, but now … I see that it doesn’t matter.”
The tears can no longer be blinked away. I sulk to the door and pick up my bags, but I don’t turn back to look at him. “So I guess the only apologies you want to hear are these … I’m sorry I’m too young and stupid and that for one night I was going to smoke a joint just to see what it was like. I’m sorry you can’t be intimate with me without envisioning some other guys cock in my whore of a mouth. I’m sorry for all the times I’ve embarrassed you, but please, please don’t ask me to be sorry about us.” A strangled sob escapes as I grab the doorknob. “I’ll ge-get the rest of my stu-stuff tomorrow … when you-you’re g-gone.”