“So what are you going to do?”
“Oh, well, for the time being maybe I’ll think about that list of ten things…”
“You don’t mean like that old movie, do you?”
“Mmm, yeah sort of, I guess…”
“You mean you’d really do something as silly and corny as that?”
“So you think it’s a bad move?”
“Well, I mean, sure a lot of people do it, firmly declaring they’ll do every last one… you know those kind of people, right? It’s a kind of phase everyone goes through at least once—though it’s not as if you get a second chance!”
Holding on to his sides, the Devil let out a huge guffaw.
“Sorry, I just can’t see the funny side…”
“Right, right… Well, I guess you never know until you try, right? Let’s draw up a quick list right now.”
So I pulled out a sheet of blank paper and wrote the title at the top of the page—“10 Things I Want to Do Before I Die.”
I was feeling more depressed already—I’m going to die soon and I’m wasting my time writing lists? You’ve got to be kidding. As I wrote I lost the plot even more. But somehow I managed to come up with a list, all the time avoiding the Devil, who was trying to peek over my shoulder, and forcibly removing the cat, who like all cats thinks it’s a good idea to sit on whatever you’re trying to work on or read.
OK, so here we go:
Go skydiving.
Climb Mt. Everest.
Speed along on the autobahn in a Ferrari.
Go along to a traditional three-day-long feast of gourmet Chinese food.
Take a ride on a Transformer’s back.
Find love in these final Days of Our Lives.
Go on a date with Princess Leia.
Turn a corner just in time to run into a beautiful woman carrying a cup of coffee, and watch our passionate love affair unfold from there.
Run into the girl I had a crush on in school while sheltering from the rain.
Did I mention I’d like to fall in love? Just once…
“What is this?”
“Uh, well, you know…”
“C’mon, you’re not in school anymore! Frankly, I’m embarrassed for you.”
“…Sorry.”
Yeah I know, I’m pathetic. I racked my brains and this was the best I could come up with. Even the cat looked disgusted. He was keeping his distance.
The Devil came over and patted me on the shoulder, trying to cheer me up.
“There, there, now… OK, tell ya what, let’s see about that skydiving trip. A quick visit to the ATM and it’s off to the airport we go!”
Two hours later I was on a jet plane at an altitude of 3,000 meters.
“OK, ready? Geronimo!”
Cheerful as ever, the Devil gave me a shove and the next thing I knew I was falling.
Yep. That’s what I’d always dreamed of: to see the blue sky opening up, the towering clouds, and the earth’s horizon stretching on forever… I’d always thought things would never be the same again after seeing the earth from so high up. I’d forget all the small stuff and grab life by the horns.
I’m sure some famous person said something like that, but that’s not how it went. I’d had enough of the whole thing before I even jumped. I mean, come on, it’s cold, you’re way up there, and it’s terrifying. Why would someone go and jump out of a plane of their own free will? Was this what I had wanted? I pondered these things as I fell to earth, before once again, things literally went literally black.
When I came to I was lying on my bed back home in my tiny apartment. Again it was the cat’s “miaow” that woke me. Dragging myself up, I discovered my head was still killing me… I knew it. It was back down to earth with a bump.
“Oh, come on, man, give me a break…!” I pleaded with Aloha (as I’d decided the Devil, with his Hawaiian shirts, would henceforth be known), who sat next to me on the bed.
“My apologies for the inconvenience.”
“Hey, I could’ve died out there… Well, OK, I realize I’m going to die anyway, but really…”
Aloha was splitting his sides.
I just kept quiet and held the cat in my arms. He felt warm and soft—a smooth, fluffy ball in my arms. Before, I would hold him and pet him without thinking about it much, but now, for the first time, it occurred to me that this is what life was all about.
“The thing is… I mean, there’s just not many things I want to do before I die.”
“Oh, really?”
“At least, I don’t think I could think of ten. And the ones I can think of are probably really boring.”
“Well, I guess that’s life, huh?”
“Oh, by the way, could I ask you something?”
“Who, me?”
“Yeah, I was wondering… Why did you come? I mean… what are you doing here?”
Aloha let out a laugh. It could only mean bad things.
“You really want to know? Well, OK then, I’ll tell you.”
“OK, now you’re scaring me.”
I winced at the sudden change in Aloha’s tone. I had a bad feeling about this. I could tell there was trouble up ahead.
“What’s wrong?” Aloha asked.
I took a deep breath and steeled myself. It’s OK. I’ll be OK. I’m just asking a question. Nothing wrong with asking a question.
“Oh, nothing. It’s fine. I’d just like to know. So go ahead. Shoot.”
“So it turns out… you’re going to die tomorrow.”
“What!?”
“You’re going to die tomorrow. That’s what I came here to tell you.”
I was speechless. Shock was followed swiftly by a feeling of deep despair. My whole body felt weak, and my knees trembled.
Seeing me in this state Aloha resumed his usual cheerful chit-chat.
“Hey, don’t be so down. Look at me, I’m here to help! This is your way out. I’ve come to make you an offer.”
“… Way out? What do you mean?”
“You don’t want to die now, do you? In your sorry state?”
“No, I want to live… if I can.”
Without missing a beat Aloha went on:
“There is something we could do…”
“Do? What do you mean?”
“Well, you could call it a kind of magic. But it might increase your life span.”
“Really?”
“On one condition: you’ll have to accept this one fundamental law of the universe.”
“And that is?”
“In order to gain something you have to lose something.”
“So what do I have to do exactly?”
“It’s easy… I’ll just ask you to perform a simple exchange.”
“Exchange?”
“Sure… All you have to do is remove one thing from the world, and in return, you get one more day of life.”
“You’re kidding. That’s all?”
I may have been about to die, but I hadn’t completely lost it yet. First of all, what gave Aloha the right to make such an offer?
“Now, you’re probably wondering what gives me the right to do that.”
“Um, uh… no, what made you say that?”
Was he for real? Did he have ESP?
“Reading minds is the easy part. Hello, I’m the Devil, remember?”
“Hmmmm.”
“Anyway, we don’t have much time, so you’re going to have to get on board quickly. Are you with me? This is a real exchange we’re talking about here.”
“So says you.”
“OK then. Since you don’t believe me, let me tell you how this exchange came about.”