“I shall.” Wolfe was still demonstrating, to me, so he was patient. “About your daughter-in-law?”
“This is about her. Three times in the past year I’ve had deals ruined by people who must have had information of my plans. I think they got that information through her. I don’t know exactly how she got it — that’s part of the job I want you to do — but on one of the deals the man who got in ahead of me, a man named Brigham, Corey Brigham — I’m sure she’s playing with him, but I can’t prove it. I want to prove it. If you want to call that a marital affliction, all right, but it’s not my marital affliction. My marital affliction is named Trella, and I can handle her myself. Another thing, my daughter-in-law is turning my home into a madhouse, or trying to. She wants to take over. She’s damned slick about it, but that’s what she’s after. I want her out of there.”
“Then eject her. Isn’t it your house?”
“It’s not a house, it’s an apartment. Penthouse. Duplex. Twenty rooms. I own it. If I eject her my son will go too, and I want him with me. That’s another thing, she’s getting between him and me, and I can’t stop it. I tell you, she’s a snake. You said with that inducement” — he gestured at the bundle of bills — “I should get evidence for a divorce, but you don’t know her. She’s as slick as grease. The kind of man you were suggesting — one of that kind would never get her. It will take a man of your quality, your ability.” He shot a glance at me. “And Archie Goodwin’s. As I said, I know Goodwin’s reputation too. As a matter of fact, I had a specific suggestion about Goodwin in my mind when I came here. Do you want to hear it?”
“I doubt if it’s worth the trouble. What you’re after is divorce evidence.”
“I told you what I’m after, a snake. About Goodwin, I said I have a secretary, but I haven’t. I fired him a week ago. One of those deals I got hooked on, the most recent one, I suspected him of leaking information on it to a certain party, and I fired him. So that—”
“I thought you suspected your daughter-in-law.”
“I did. I do. You can’t say a man can’t suspect two different people at once, not you. So that job is vacant. What was in my mind, why can’t Goodwin take it? He would be right there, living under the same roof with her. He can size her up, there’ll be plenty of opportunities — she’ll see to that if he doesn’t. My secretary had his meals with us, so of course Goodwin will. It occurred to me that that would be the best and quickest way, at least to start. If you’re not tied up with something he could come today. Right now.”
I didn’t like him, but I was feeling sorry for him. A man of my broad sympathies must make allowances. If she was as slick a snake as he thought she was, and he should have been a good judge of slickness, he was out of luck. Of course the idea that Wolfe would consider getting along without me at hand, to be called on for anything from typing a letter to repelling an invasion in force, was ludicrous. It was hard enough to get away for week ends. Add to that Wolfe’s rule against spouse-snooping, and where was he?
So I was feeling sorry for him when I heard Wolfe say, “You realize, Mr. Jarrell, that there could be no commitment as to how long he would stay there. I might need him.”
“Yes, certainly. I realize that.”
“And the job itself, the nominal job. Isn’t there a danger that it would be apparent that he isn’t qualified for it?”
“No, none whatever. Not even to Miss Kent, my stenographer. No secretary I hired would know how I operate until I broke him in. But there’s a detail to consider, the name. Of course his name is not as widely known as yours, but it is known. He’ll have to use another name.”
I had recovered enough to risk my voice. Unquestionably Wolfe had figured that, taken by surprise, I would raise a squawk, giving him an out, and equally unquestionably he was damned well going to be disappointed. I admit that after the jolt he had given me I was relieved when my voice came out perfectly okay. “About the name, Mr. Jarrell.” I was talking to him, not to Wolfe. “Of course I’ll have to take some luggage, quite a lot since I may stay indefinitely, and mine has my initials on it. The usual problem. A.G. Let’s see. How about Abe Goldstein?”
Jarrell, regarding me, screwed his lips. “I don’t think so. No. I’ve got nothing against Jews, especially when they need money, but you don’t look it. No.”
“Well, I’ll try again. I suppose you’re right, I ought to look it. How about Adonis Guilfoyle?”
He laughed. It started with a cackle, then he threw his head back and roared. It tapered off to another cackle before he spoke.
“One thing about me, I’ve got a sense of humor. I could appreciate you, Goodwin, don’t think I couldn’t. We’ll get along. You’d better let me try. A. Alan? That’s all right. G. Green? Why not? Alan Green.”
“Okay.” I arose. “It hasn’t got much flavor, but it’ll do. It will take me a little while to pack, fifteen or twenty minutes.” I moved.
“Archie! Sit down.”
The round was mine, against big odds. He owned the house and everything in it except the furniture in my bedroom. He was the boss and paid my salary. He weighed nearly a hundred pounds more than my 178. The chair I had just got up from had cost $139.95; the one he was sitting in, oversized and custom-made of Brazilian Mauro, had come to $650.00. We were both licensed private detectives, but he was a genius and I was merely an operative. He, with or without Fritz to help, could turn out a dish of Couronne de Canard au Riz à la Normande without batting an eye; I had to concentrate to poach an egg. He had ten thousand orchids in his plant rooms on the roof; I had one African violet on my windowsill, and it wasn’t feeling well. Etc.
But he was yelling uncle. He had counted on getting a squawk out of me, and now he was stuck, and he would have to eat crow instead of Couronne de Canard au Riz à la Normande if he wanted to get unstuck.
I faced him and inquired pleasantly, “Why, don’t you like Alan Green?”
“Pfui. I haven’t instructed you to comply with Mr. Jarrell’s suggestion.”
“No, but you indicated plainly that you intended to. Very plainly.”
“I intended to confer with you.”
“Yes, sir. We’re conferring. Points to consider: would you like to improve on Alan Green, and would it be better for me to get a thorough briefing here, and get it in my notebook, before going up there? I think maybe it would.”
“Then—” He swallowed it. What had started for his tongue was probably, “Then you persist in this pigheaded perversity,” or something stronger, but he knew darned well he had asked for it, and there was company present. You may be thinking that the bundle of bills was also present, but I doubt if that was a factor. I have heard him turn down more than a few husbands, and more than a few wives, who had offered bigger bundles than that one if he would get them out of bliss that had gone sour. No. He knew he had lost the round, and knew that I knew it, but he wasn’t going to admit it in front of a stranger.
“Very well,” he said. He pushed his chair back, got up, and told Jarrell, “You will excuse me. Mr. Goodwin will know what information he needs.” He circled around the red leather chair and marched out.
I sat at my desk, got notebook and pen, and swiveled to the client. “First,” I said, “all the names, please.”
Chapter 2
I can’t undertake to make you feel at home in that Fifth Avenue duplex penthouse because I never completely got the hang of it myself. By the third day I decided that two different architects had worked on it simultaneously and hadn’t been on speaking terms. Jarrell had said it had twenty rooms, but I think it had seventeen or nineteen or twenty-one or twenty-three. I never made it twenty. And it wasn’t duplex, it was triplex. The butler, Steck, the housekeeper, Mrs. Latham, and the two maids, Rose and Freda, slept on the floor below, which didn’t count. The cook and the chauffeur slept out.