She turned her head a little to stare into the fire, lest her eyes betray her, and her heavy braid fell over her shoulder to gleam golden in the firelight.
Golden hair... hair, the symbol among her people of the essence of a person. Hence the superstitions about cursing through a lock of hair-and the custom among some of the women of leaving their hair at the altars of the goddesses, symbolically offering themselves as well. In the marriage ceremony, a lock of hair from the Mazonite and her chosen consort were braided together, and to divorce him, she had simply to unbraid the marriage-lock and cast his hair in the hearth-fire. Xylina's hair was the same color as-
She paused, taken by an awesome realization.
She closed her eyes for a moment, and asked herself if this was, truly, what she desired. She searched not only her heart, but her soul and her mind for the answer-her body was already informing her in no uncertain terms what it wanted, and she was grateful that females did not show their desires as openly as males. For at this moment, Ware was very far from thinking of the reason that had brought him on this quest. If she let the moment pass, there might never be another.
She would not let it pass.
Carefully, she gathered her hair in her hands, loosing it from the braid, and draping it across her palms; a heavy golden skein that represented all she was, as golden as the gold she had pledged him. Ware continued to stare into the fire, oblivious to her or anything else around him.
"Ware-" she said, startling him; the first time she had ever been able to do that! He jumped a little, and turned his gaze upon her, blankly. She held out her double-handful of hair to him.
"I pay thee in gold," she said softly.
His eyes widened as he realized what she was offering: her hair, herself. Just as he had wanted, planned for, schemed to achieve.
His reaction, however, was not what she had expected.
"Oh, Xylina-" he said, and made an abortive move toward her. But then, unaccountably, he held himself back. "Xylina-I cannot accept this," he said, myriad emotions warring on his face. "I cannot-"
Conflicting emotions beset her as well. Dismay, annoyance, even a touch of anger. What, was she no longer good enough for him? What was wrong with her-or with him? "Why?" she demanded. "What has changed? What has happened that I am no longer what you desire?"
"Circumstances-oh, Xylina, I desire you, love you still, never, ever doubt that! But-" he laughed weakly, and raised a graceful hand to rub his temple "-this is not precisely the best time-"
She started to protest; he held up a hand. "Wait, please, let me explain. You have heard that there are two of demon-kind, the incubus which is the male, and the succubus which is the female, correct?"
She nodded, wondering impatiently what that could have to do with anything.
He coughed, and his face twisted a little. "There is no delicate way to put this. What if I were to tell you that there is only one of demon-kind, that each demon is both incubus and succubus?"
What? How could that be? It ran right across all the laws of nature! But did the laws of nature apply to a demon, a creature who himself had told her he was born in this realm of wild magic? "I would say that you are insane, except that I know you are not," she said flatly, beginning to think that she was not going to like what he was about to tell her.
"That is the nature of demon-kind," he said gently. "That we are male and female, incubus and succubus. But never at the same time. And that which triggers-forces-the change from one to the other, is-the act of love."
Her eyes widened as she took that in, and realized what he meant. "You mean that if you were to share love with me, you would become a female?" she exclaimed incredulously. This was too strange for horror; she could only gape at him.
He nodded, sadly. "I would not be able to prevent it. That is what revealed my nature, so long ago. I joined with my lover-and awoke a woman. It was something of a shock to me-and my lover was not exactly pleased, either."
She shook her head. There were too many things that she had witnessed already for her to think this was impossible-or even particularly terrible. Except in what it meant for her.
If he joined with her-but how did he become male again?-oh. Of course.
"I can imagine that she was not happy," Xylina said, with wry and sad irony. "But if you were to love a man in your female form-you would go back to being male?"
"Until I shared love with you again, yes," Ware said. "But-Xylina, it is not that simple."
She sighed. "Somehow, I had the feeling that it would not be. I think I can guess the rest. You must have a mate that you love as a female, even as you have one that you love as a male." Her mind accepted that as logical although her heart rebelled. "There is a certain unpleasant symmetry to that."
He nodded, as unhappy as she. "You understand it exactly, Xylina. My commitment to a male must be as my commitment to you: lifelong. There is no one in this party with whom I would be willing to make that commitment. Not even Faro, who is an admirable fellow, but is not to my taste, I fear. Simple, casual liaisons, which are so common among your kind, are impossible for me. Unless I sought out..." He shook his head. "No, it will not do. We must wait, Xylina. We must wait until we are back in lands that are not so uncanny, and you and I must find a slave who suits our natures, who can fit this pattern that we must have."
She was beginning to put all of the pieces together, and she was beginning to reassess the entire situation. Bad enough that she would have to share him once-but it was obvious from what he had been saying that she would have to share him all her life with a man. She would have to send him to that man's bed every time she shared love with him. Every single time...
Ware was continuing, even as she was beginning to see the whole of the pattern. "I cannot accept what you have offered here and now, don't you see? It would be very difficult to explain the sudden appearance of a woman and the sudden disappearance of Ware. Even if I dematerialized and traveled with you in that state, it still would not explain the absence of Ware." He leaned forward, and took both her hands in his. "This is a great secret, Xylina. Not even the Queen is aware of our double nature. I am trusting you with it, and I am about to trust you with more. Another secret which only the demons know-each demon and two others."
Two others. Of course. That long-ago lover he spoke of, and the male lover he did not mention.
"The man whom I choose must be utterly faithful-as you must, Xylina. There is a terrible price to be paid if either of you is not, and the one who pays it is myself." He stared deeply into her eyes, and his had gone as dark as the black night outside. "If either of you is unfaithful to me, I will perish. It is that simple. I am immortal-unless and until I am betrayed in love. That is one reason why you made me fall in love with you, Xylina. Your honor is a part of you. It is you; I think that you would rather die than break it. I can trust you with my life-and if we share this bond, I will be doing just that."
She nodded, slowly. This was the most dangerous secret that anyone had ever trusted to her.
"The Queen does not know this about our nature either," he added. "If she did-"
"It would be a terrible weapon to hold over you, and one I won't give her," Xylina told him fiercely. "No matter what happens between us, she will never know this."
His eyes warmed, just the slightest bit. "I know, for I know you. There is only one other recently...." His eyes grew thoughtful for a moment, then he shook his head. "Never mind. It does not matter. Xylina, I honor your offer as I honor you, and I will ask you for no commitment. You must make your decision in full knowledge of all that it will mean, because a casual fling will destroy far more than just our relationship."