She had changed; she knew that now. Men had never been faceless automata to her, but now she could see them as human and as equal as she herself was. She would never be able to go back to thinking of them as something less.
But then, something unexpected happened. From understanding why Thesius was desirable to Wara, she progressed until she became attracted to him.
Then she found him more than merely attractive. Of course she concealed her feeling, knowing it to be illicit. But it tormented her at night, in much the way her longing for Ware had, before she had finally capitulated.
The week passed, and still Ware and Faro did not return.
A week and a day. The attraction was stronger than ever. She found herself watching him covertly, thinking about that dancer's body. Wondering if he was as skilled in using that body as Ware was. She caught herself getting careless when it was her turn to wash, taking longer than she should, so that he might return on schedule and catch an accidental glimpse of her torso. Would she impress him as much as Wara had? She condemned herself, for she had never been a tease, but in the boredom her fancy ran rampant.
She found herself facing another question: what if Ware and Faro had been captured or killed? What if she and Thesius were on their own?
As the days stretched on, coming nearer to two weeks than one, she finally voiced that fear.
And Thesius was forced to admit that he, too, had been thinking of just that, and suffering shameful feelings. And she caught him watching her, covertly, with speculation in his eyes.
What had been a long, anxiety filled day became worse. Just about sunset, the weather turned. A high, cold wind came up, bringing with it clouds and rain. By the time the last light had left the sky, the rain had turned to sleet-and their clothing and few blankets were totally inadequate.
They layered on item after item, and still the cold penetrated to make them shiver. The wind kept stealing the heat from the fire, blowing straight into the cave and carrying the heat away through the vent that had been taking the smoke. They sat across from one another, shivering miserably, as the bitter cold penetrated into their bones.
She wanted to conjure warm blankets, but Thesius was clearly terrified that this would pinpoint their location to the enemy. "They always watch near the border," he said. "Always." So she shivered until she began to feel sick.
Finally Thesius looked across the fire into her eyes, and gestured. "There is no point in this," he said. "If we are together, we may as well share these blankets and the heat of our bodies, such as it is."
That made perfect sense, and at that moment, all she could think of was the prospect of getting warm. The very memory of warmth felt years away. She made her way around the fire, and joined him, adding her coverings to his, and clasping her body against his.
The difference was immediate. Warmth pooled between them; she relaxed and closed her eyes, feeling it ease the aches and tension from the cold.
For a long, long time, all she was aware of was the warmth, the blessed, blessed warmth. But then Thesius's arms tightened involuntarily around her, and she was aware of a different kind of warmth entirely. They were clothed, but that could so readily change. They were already so close, and there was such heat between them.
Her eyes flew open, and met his. There was no mistaking the need, and the passion, in his face.
It would be so easy ... so very easy. They shared so much, had so much in common-
"Maybe-just one kiss," she whispered. "That couldn't do any harm," he agreed huskily. Their faces slowly came together. They were so similar, in their backgrounds and their passion.
And they were both human. Ware would not even be able to protest, for Ware would be no more....
It was that which brought her to her senses, and she saw that he must have remembered the same thing at the same moment. Their lips, almost touching, halted. She shook her head, gently, and he nodded. They both knew that if the kiss did not destroy the demon, what would surely follow it would.
They remained chastely cradled in each others arms for the rest of the night, sharing no more than physical warmth. Finally, after a long, long, time, the wind died, and they slept.
Xylina dreamed she was Wara, clasping Thesius and exciting him to such a pitch of excitement that all of his willpower was crushed by his need. But even in her dream she had caution, and she woke-to find him waking similarly. "I thought you were-" he said, agonized, shuddering.
"I know." She turned her face away and pretended to ignore the desire she knew he suffered. Only in that manner could she suppress her own.
In the morning neither of them spoke about their near-catastrophe, but it was on Xylina's mind and she knew it must be on Thesius's. The air was still brisk and chill, but Xylina generated her warmth with exercise. That exercise also took some of the edge off her desire, although it did not remove it. Only the knowledge of how nearly they had murdered Ware did that.
While she was hauling in more firewood, she heard a hail, and looked up to see Ware and Faro-at last!- approaching up the trail to their cave. They looked tired, but satisfied.
Thesius was nowhere in sight, and Xylina did not want to wait for him. She dropped her firewood and ran, as fast as she could, all the way down the trail to the two returning explorers.
Ware dismounted, giving his horse's reins to Faro, and met her embrace with one of his own, caressing her comfortingly, as if he understood all her conflicting emotions. She did not weep, but she was very near tears.
"Come," he said gently, after a long, long time. "We were not gone all that long-"
"Oh, Ware," Xylina cried, half in laughter, and half in hysteria, "you will never know how glad I am to see you! It has been-the fear, the cold-"
She could not continue, but he seemed to understand everything she could not say.
"But you were true to me, both of you," he whispered comfortingly in her ear, "because otherwise I would not be here."
She could not tell him that this was exactly what she meant, but when she finally pulled away a little and looked into his eyes, she saw that he already knew.
He had known the risk he was taking, and he had trusted them both: trusted their honor, and their strength of spirit. Trusted them more than they had trusted themselves.
• Chapter 17
That night, the three of them shared a sleeping-place, with Ware between the two humans. And oddly, now that the temptation had been weathered, Xylina found that she no longer desired Thesius-and when he glanced at her, she no longer saw that mirroring desire in his face. He felt, instead, like the brother he resembled, and for the first time in her life, she felt complete-for now she had everything, a friend in Faro, a brother in Thesius, and a beloved in the form of Ware.
For the first time, she made love to Ware with Thesius lying naked beside them. When she finished, she lay without jealousy as Wara made love to Thesius. She had accepted the new reality, though it was alien to anything she could have believed before this excursion. She didn't even feel guilty. This was love of a different kind, but nevertheless love, all the greater for the understanding it required.
Her contentment was short-lived, but only because there was still a task ahead for all of them.
The next morning they saddled all four horses and moved out, leaving everything they no longer needed in the cave. With luck, they would be back for it, but if not, there was nothing there that they could not do without, and the less burden the horses carried the more speed they could make.