I heave a heavy sigh and lean my back against the wall. The memory of the last time I was here comes to the front of my mind. The tears I cried before cause new ones to emerge in the corners of my eyes. I fight the urge to cry, and fail. One tear, two tears, three…
I slink down to the floor, hold my knees to my chest, and wipe the tears away with my hand. “This isn’t how I expected my life to be.” As if the first time would have gotten me to that place either. Letting out a deep breath, I shout, “Oh, get a grip, Adrienne! Life isn’t perfect. Not everything will go as planned.” I make a fist and tap my knee a few times. “I suppose I only have myself to blame for most of it. I shouldn’t just assume that everything will fall into place.” I pick myself up and dust off my pants. “I can make it all fall into place. I can still fix this.” Something has to get better; otherwise, I would have relived this again.
There's still time to make things right.
With that, I can feel the possibilities open to me just like when I first realized I had a second chance. My apprehension has not faded but my optimism is renewed.
After taking a moment to catch my breath, I get back into my car and stop by Lyndsay’s house to wish her luck on her first week of college.
“I know it isn’t what you want, but I still wish you were going to be there too,” she says. “We would be in most of the same classes and we could study together.”
“Yeah, it would have been nice. I still have next semester to look forward to.”
“Have you figured out what you want to take?”
I stare at the wall and shake my head. “No. I have no clue.”
She reaches over and puts her arm around my shoulder. “You still have time to discover your true potential.”
I smile at the truthfulness of her words. Considering the reality at hand, for me there is a whole roadway of discovery and choices and decisions. “Yes, I do still have time.”
Chapter Thirty-seven
Friday, August 31st
Due to the circumstances, The Auto Shop gave Chevy an extra week off. It was a good idea since he had taken his father’s death hard. I go over every day to get him out of the house. He needs to get out of his head a little bit. Otherwise the grief will take over. I don’t want him to forget about his father, but I don’t want him to dwell on the sadness forever either. It's a difficult balance—one I don’t even know if I would be able to handle if I were in his shoes.
Seymour stayed in town all week to help Noreen with getting back on her feet. She is doing very well and I believe part of it is due to Chevy being around and not running off anymore. Once Seymour leaves, Chevy will be all she has. Now that the week is over, reality is starting to come to the forefront. Noreen and Chevy will be going back to work next Tuesday. I don’t think either of them looks forward to it.
And, to be honest, neither am I. I'm not sure what I will do with my free time when he goes back to work. Probably just back to “work” myself.
When I get to his place, I can tell Chevy seems to be getting a little better. I can see it in his face. There is still an overcast of clouds but it is slowly starting to dissipate.
I say to him, “You want to go see a movie? There are a couple good ones that came out today.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t you have better things to do?”
“No,” I say with a smile.
“Really? You have to. You have your sewing business to deal with.”
“It can wait. Besides, I need a break from it.”
“As much as I enjoy having you around, I don’t want your future to go up in flames because you spent all your time here.”
I shake my head at his worry over the little things going on in my life. He is right though. Not only that but he probably needs a little time to himself.
“Okay, fine,” I concede with a sigh. “How about this? I'll spend the weekend working on my future. But…on Monday, we need to do something special since it’s your last day off.”
He nods in agreement. “Okay, deal.” He shuffles back and forth on his feet. “Adrienne, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.” I sit down on his bed and he sits next to me.
He takes a deep breath. “Do you think I’m destined to become an alcoholic too?”
His question takes me by surprise. “Why do you ask?”
“Because that’s what they say about alcoholics—their children have a higher risk of becoming the same. I know it’s not entirely genetic because there are plenty of people with parents who are alcoholics and addicts but they still manage to avoid it.”
I put my hand on his shoulder. “Look,” I tell him, “you’re strong, just like your father was. He fought the battle like a warrior.”
“But I don’t know if he would have beaten it entirely.”
“Does any alcoholic beat it entirely? They fight it every day. A lot of them can go years without alcohol but any one of them could cave at any time. The reason why they don’t is that they are determined not to. They have reasons why they stop. That’s what keeps them from ever starting again.”
“Why did my dad stop?”
“For his family.”
“How about me?”
“Like I said, you’re strong. If you ever feel that pull of addiction, I know you would fight it. You would find a reason and you would fight it.”
A smile begins to form on the corner of his lips. “Thanks,” he says. “I needed to hear that.”
“You’re welcome.”
He peeks over at me. “We’re still going to see a movie tonight, right?”
I chuckle and put my arm around his shoulder. “For you, anything.”
Chapter Thirty-eight
Saturday, September 1st
The nervous anticipation is palpable as I walk into Hidden Treasures to see how my month went. I have been both dreading and longing for this day. Now that it is here, I'm attempting to be confident while sweating bullets.
I drive over there late in the morning so I don’t seem overly anxious about being paid. I am sure there are plenty of other people who get there right at nine when the place opens up. I don’t want to be like that. This is why the anxiety has built to higher than normal levels. That and I have a couple dozen headbands in a tote to share with her today. She told me to bring new stuff in anytime but I decided to wait until September when I had enough stuff built up.
When I walk in, Mary Ann looks up from the paper and smiles. “Hi, doll! How have you been?”
“Doing all right. How about you?”
“Can’t complain.” She reaches under the counter and pulls out a binder. “Let me see here,” she says with her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth as she flips through it. “Adrienne, right?”
“Yes.” Here we go.
“Okay.” Her finger scrolls down and she stops at my name. “Hmm…”
“What?”
“Well, it looks like you didn’t have any sales this month.”
My heart sinks. “Oh,” is all I can say.
She can see the disappointment in my face. “Don’t worry though, dear. Sometimes the first month you sell nothing. You never know what to expect. One month you sell nothing, the next you sell ten things, and the next you sell one.”
“That makes sense,” I say, nodding even though I don't believe it. The tote of headbands starts to weigh my arm down. I try to get the words out to tell her about my new venture, but I can’t. I just say, “Well, I guess I’ll wait and see how this month goes then.” I flash a big smile.