'"So Martha and I are managing on our own, " he said as he helped her back into her seat. "And trying to spend as much time together as my schedule permits." Which wasn't nearly enough for him. But what could he expect as a field agent? This wouldn't last much longer, he hoped. As soon as he was offered an S.S.A spot, he was taking it, no matter where it was, so he could get on a nine-to-five schedule and be with her more.
Right now she went to kindergarten, then after school to Mrs. Snedecker's. Thank God for Mrs. Snedecker.
He smoothed Martha's blond bangs and adjusted her Minnie Mouse barrettes. Incredible how much he'd learned. He could bathe Martha, shampoo hair, wash clothes, iron dresses, buy tights. His mother had helped some, but last year her heart had given out.
So it was Gerry and Martha. And God he was glad to have her. She'd filled some of the void Karen had left in his life. He might have gone to pieces but he'd had to hold together for Martha.
He still saw Karen. She came to him in his dreams. He'd ask her how he was doing with Martha but she never answered.
How was he doing?
Martha'smiled up at him and he kissed her forehead.
"But enough about me, " he said to Gin. "What were you doing in the Hart Building today? It's not exactly a doctor hangout." She told him about her quest to have a say in the Guidelines bill, her lackluster interview with Senator Marsden's chief of staff, and her aborted interview with Allard.
"All that medical cramming and you want to hang with the pols? " She laughed, "You sound like Duncan."
"Well, maybe he's got a point."
"It's not all I want to do, just a part. And I am going to do it. All of it." She rattled the cubes in her cup. "I think I could use a refill too. ' Gerry reached for her cup and started to rise. "Let me, " "Thanks, " she said, holding it out of his reach, "but I may want a different flavor this time" Gerry watched her stroll to the drink dispenser, watched most of the other guys in sight follow her progress.
Yes, she was definitely worth a second look. Even a third.
And I am going to do it. All of it.
The fiery determination in her eyes made her even more attractive. A self-made woman. She'd gone from a girl who could only be described as a schlub, to a woman with Iimitless possibilities. "Martha, " he whispered, "I do believe I'm becoming infatuated. " Martha didn't look up. "That's cause there's beans in this stuff.
Gerry laughed out loud.
"But don't worry, " Martha said. "We can tell Gin about it. She'll make you better She's a doctor. ' '"No, no, " Gerry said, gently pressing a finger over her lips. "We won't tell Gin anything about it.
At least not yet." DUNCAN -)UNCAN AND BRAD STEPPED OUT OF IL GIARDINELLO INTO the sulfurous air of Georgetown's M Street. The traffic streaming in from Virginia was stop-and-go, and the carbon monoxide from the idling cars mixed with the light fog drifting up from the nearby Potomac. The concoction hung in the still fall air like a toxic pall.
They turned east and headed back toward the car, passing a gallimaufry of restaurants, bars, bistros, upscale clothing and jewelry stores, alternative music shops, and, yes, even a condom shop.
"Not a bad meal, ' Brad said.
"No, not bad at all if you like your pasta overcooked, your veal practically raw, air thick with smoke, and acoustics so bad you can barely hear yourself think. The service was dilatory and indifferent at best, the decor was like one of the Borgias' bad dreams, the wine list wouldn't pass on the Bowery, and the espresso . . . " He shuddered.
"Execrable." Suddenly he smiled. "I must remember to recommend the place to your mother." Brad gave his father a gentle punch on the shoulder. "Come on, now.
None of that."
"All right."
"I guess we won't be back here real soon."
"Of course we will. As soon as it changes its name, owner, and chef."
Brad only shook his head, smiling.
Duncan loved this boy, this young man, this good-natured twenty-something with his open face and guileless blue eyes, his long, lean body, his too-long brown hair, the way he never wore socks and never cinched his tie all the way up and never fastened the top button on his shirt.
Memories swirled around him like the leaves starting to drop from the trees, swimming lessons in grammar school, middle school science projects, the trauma of not making the varsity cut for the high-school basketball team, all the ups and downs of raising a child.
Somehow, he thought, we did all right with Brad. We weren't the best parents, what with our preoccupation with Lisa and all her problems, my own self-absorption, but somehow, in spite of everything, Brad turned out all right. A testament to the primacy of nature over nurture.
Impulsively, Duncan threw an arm around his son's shoulder and pulled him close. He wasn't given much to outward displays of affection, but God he loved this boy.
"Thanks for tolerating me." Brad put an arm around Duncan's waist.
"Somebody has to.
Each with an arm still around the other, they crossed Wisconsin and followed M Street's gentle down slope toward Rock Creek.
"So you're not disappointed? " Brad said.
"What do I have to do, " Duncan said, 'have it tattooed on my forehead?
No. En-oh. I am not disappointed."
"That's such an awesome relief, I can't tell you." Brad had told him he wanted to get together and talk about the future, his plans for his own future. Duncan had suggested dinner. њt turned out Brad hadn't so much wanted to discuss what he planned to do with his future, as what he planned not to do.
And he did not plan to go to medical school.
Years ago, before his public lapidation by the Guidelines committee, before managed care snared the medical profession in its tendrils, Duncan would have been bitterly disappointed .
But tonight he was almost thrilled.
"Why should I be upset because you don't want to spend another eight-to-ten years in brain-busting study for the privilege of answering to panels of political appointees? The only thing medicine's got going for it anymore is job . , , security.
'"Yeah. People will always need doctors, I guess." "That they will.
But the doctor-patient relationship is eroding. There used to be an almost sacred bond between a doctor and a patient that no one could break. The examination room was the equivalent of a confessional. The intimate secrets that used to be hieroglyphically recorded in our crabbed shorthand and hermetically sealed behind the inviolable walls of our offices are now open to any government or insurance company hireling who wants to see them."
"So I've got to be careful what I tell my doctor."
"-Damn right. And for your sake he's got to be choosy about what he sets down on paper. ' "Sounds pretty grim. But none of that's why.
The main reason is it's just not my thing." He gave Brad's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Just what is? " '"I don't know, Dad. I just don't know." Duncan sighed. So many of this so-called Generation X seemed to have no-idea what they wanted or where they were going. Duncan couldn't understand that. All his life he'd wanted to be a doctor.
He'd set a course for it when he was a child.
Never could he recall even an instant of uncertainty.
Maybe that was why he felt such kinship with Gin. She was as determined to do things her way as he'd been at her age. Her way wasn't his, but he could forgive her that, she'd see the error of her ways. She was almost like a daughter. Maybe he'd subconsciously slipped Gin into the empty place within that he'd reserved for Lisa.
Yes . . . like a daughter. After all, he'd given her life in a way, sewing her insides back together.
But not knowing the next step . . . the anxiety that had to cause.