She wanted him to watch her, so he stared at her ass and stared hard. “Too bad I’m not with the fire department anymore.”
Sera half-straightened. “Give me a second. I’m picturing it.” A pause, and he could almost hear the teasing laughter. “Oh yeah, that’s doing it for me.”
“The dress uniform or the turnout gear?”
“Uniform, totally.” She glanced back at him. “Though the pants and suspenders have potential.”
“Uh-huh.” He bumped her hip with his. “Get a move on, Sinclaire. I still have to win that pool game.”
“In your dreams,” came her easy retort, but when she slipped her fingers into his hand, she held on tightly, like she didn’t want to let him go either.
Sera clawed out of sleep when she hit the floor with a yelp. It was a hard landing, smashing her shoulder into the hardwood, and she couldn’t break her own fall because her limbs were trapped, tangled by the force that had chased her through her dreams, that had her heart pounding-She twisted and heard her own terrified whine, and disorientation made her queasy. Paws, not hands, and twisted up in the tank top and underwear she’d worn to bed. Claustrophobia closed in, panic that had her twisting hard enough to crash into the nightstand.
Unfamiliar nightstand. None of the scents were right, nothing in this room was hers, and her body heaved with panting breaths as she squirmed and kicked her back legs free of the torn fabric. But the thin straps on the shirt twisted tighter, pulling across her throat as she became frantic, too afraid to find the spark of magic she needed to shift.
She was trapped. Lost. Kidnapped and alone, and every twist of her body bound her tighter and tighter-“Shh.” A wolf in his human skin knelt beside her, his hands gentle but firm. “Calm down, sweetheart. Just a little, okay?”
Wolf. Not a monster, and Sera dragged his scent into her lungs and shuddered as something beyond instinct rose up to meet the gentle power that wrapped around her when he touched her.
She knew this wolf. In her heart, in that quiet place inside her. Julio. With the name came human memories, came sense, and Sera shuddered as the last of the nightmare slipped away.
He stripped away the confining fabric. “That’s it. Easy, Sera.”
Getting her paws under her became the next challenge, but her front right leg ached, a pain that seemed worse when she put weight on it. She hated the sad, pained whimper that slipped free, but she wasn’t too proud to huddle closer to Julio as she tried to find the power to shift.
He picked her up and rose. “We’ll get you back to bed, and you can settle down.”
It was disorienting, being carried as a coyote. Sera trembled with the effort not to move, not to let a moment of panic end with her claws raking across his bare chest. He set her on the bed, and some of her tension eased when he sat next to her. Closing her eyes, she curled around him and let the steely strength of an alpha shifter work its quiet magic on her nerves.
She barely noticed when the change finally washed over her, a wave of magic that usually brought heat in its wake. Now her skin prickled. Melted. Reformed with her cheek pressed against the pillow and her aching right arm held protectively to her chest.
Julio hummed and whispered her name. “Sera? Sweetheart?”
Tears burned her eyes. Shame, humiliation. Frustration with herself for still being weak.
Pathetic and needy, like a good little submissive who was scared of fake monsters in the dark.
“I’m okay.”
“Don’t,” he murmured. “With anyone else, okay, but not with me. Please.”
Breathing around the lump in her throat hurt. The pressure kept building, a sharp pain in her chest that would only be relieved by tears or words. Her choice, and it was terrifying to swallow the tears and try words. They came slowly, halting at first, because she didn’t know how to start. “My mom used to make me hide. In the closet or under the bed. Under the bathroom sink, I think…”
“Fuck.” He draped a sheet over her and gathered her in his arms. “Come here.”
He was warm and strong, and he smelled like safety. “I don’t remember much of it because I was young. Something had happened—” The words got stuck in her throat, and she had to take a steadying breath. “Do you know why the cougars and coyotes hide?”
His eyes were dark with sympathy. “I imagine because things get pretty fucking ugly when your species is dying out.”
“I don’t even know if it’s their fault,” she whispered. “I mean, the human part of me says it’s terrible. You don’t stalk a mate and take them against their will. But we’re not like the wolves.
None of us were born human and turned. We’re all trapped by instinct, and fighting it makes us crazier.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” he argued. “I was born this way and I’m not trapped or crazy.”
“The wolves aren’t dying out,” she countered. “It’s not just one bastard, Julio. A coyote raped my aunt when my mom was a kid, and my grandfather died challenging him over it. And my aunt had a daughter, and when she was seventeen, a coyote found her.” Her heart pounded.
She was breathing too fast, and she couldn’t stop the words, like lancing the darkest festering place in her heart. “They all died. My cousin, and my aunt, trying to protect her. And my mother —my mother—”
“Shh.” He tucked her face against his chest and rocked her gently. “I’m sorry, Sera. Sorry like hell.”
It helped, if only because she’d never said the words out loud before. As hard as it was to give them voice, the oppressive silence had been worse. She’d lived for years in complicit understanding with her father, never bringing up the events that had torn their family apart.
Never telling anyone else, because seeing horror in their eyes would make it real.
Julio didn’t react with horror. He didn’t drown her in pity. He held her and rocked her until the tightness in her chest eased enough to let her continue. “My mother never forgave my father.
He was off being a mercenary, and she thought he should have been at home, protecting his family. But it wouldn’t have helped. They lived in Missouri, not New Orleans. Even if he’d been with us, he wouldn’t have been able to save them.”
“What about you?” he asked gently. “What do you think?”
She laughed, part pain, part helplessness. “I don’t know. I think my parents tried really hard, even when life was shitty. My mom was losing her mind, and she knew it. She was scared of hurting me, so she brought me to Mahalia, and Mahalia found that place for her to be safe.”
His fingers trailed through her hair. “Then it sounds like she did the best she could for you.
That’s all anyone can ask, right?”
It had taken Sera a lot more time to come to that same conclusion. “I’m not a kid who’s pissed at her parents. I grew up fast. I guess I was in a hurry to repeat their mistakes.”
“Trapped by instinct,” he whispered. “That’s what you meant. Josh.”
Wrapped in his arms, tucked against his chest, the last thing she wanted to talk about was Josh. But the words hung between them, and she had to find something to say. “Do you know why he hit me?”
His hands tightened with a protectiveness that thrilled her, though he relaxed them immediately. “Why?”
“I let everyone think it was because I tried to leave. Because I wanted to see my dad.” She caught his hand and tangled her fingers with his. “But it would have happened anyway, because he found my birth control. And that’s the only unforgivable thing a female coyote can do.”