She stopped, but it wasn’t easy. Her heart told her to go to him, but caution kept her rooted in place. “You still think it’s in you?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been picking apart every little feeling I get now. Wondering if I’m tired from walking or just plain sick like Vera thinks. I can’t say for sure if it’s in me, but I’ve figured out what ain’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“Whatever it takes to live. I don’t have it, Lucy.”
The denial she’d been about to voice died on her lips when she took a good look at him. Carter’s hands were filthy, his wrists starting to thin out already due to hunger. The delicate skin around his mouth was bruised, fading to yellow at the corners. And he had no weapon, no backpack, no food.
“Where’s your gun?” Lucy asked. “Where’s your stuff?”
“Somebody bigger than me took it.” Carter sighed, his tongue poking at the bruise by his lip. “Along with some of my teeth.”
“You were robbed?”
“Didn’t take long,” he said. “I started out same day you guys did, going the other direction. I hear footsteps behind me about noon, I turn to see who it is, and next thing I know, my face is on the road. I woke up awhile after, my face damn near boiling from the heat of it against me for so long.”
Lucy cautiously knelt down beside him, and he turned his head to show her. Gravel pocked his cheek in spots, melted into the skin. She brushed at it without thinking, and he recoiled from her touch as much as from the pain.
“You shouldn’t be near me.”
She took his hand in her own even though she knew he was right. “If you believe that, why’d you come find me in the first place?”
“To say good-bye, again, I guess.” He shrugged. “Which is plain stupid. We said it good and solid already. I’m just not ready to let you go yet.”
“You’re not going to,” Lucy decided. “Follow us. Lynn doesn’t have to know. If you can reach Entargo, there’s people there that can test your blood, and if you’re clean, there’s no reason you can’t come with us to California.”
“And if I’m not, they shoot me dead.”
“Take the chance,” Lucy said. “What else is there?”
“Nothing,” Carter agreed. “There’s nothing for me. I don’t have people like you do, Lucy. Vera and Stebbs, they’re positive it’s not in you, and Lynn’s leaving her whole life behind just to be at your side. My mom, she heard it might be me and she wouldn’t even look in my face anymore for fear of catching it herself. With Maddy gone and me on my own, I just can’t…”
Lucy tightened her grip on him. “You can’t what?”
“I can’t see anything for me.”
She tossed his hand away. “So what then, you give up? You’re done? You going to find a nice place to curl up in a ball like a sick possum and just die? Even with me offering you a way out? Follow me, Carter. I’ll leave food out. Lynn’s leading us straight to water every day. You can make it.”
“I can’t keep up, Lucy,” he said, looking away from her. “I can’t keep your pace, and you can’t give me half your food without hurting yourself. I won’t let you do that.”
“I don’t usually eat much,” she said stubbornly.
“You’re not usually walking across the country either,” Carter said.
“I’m leaving it out anyway,” she said, sticking to her plan. “So you can either follow and make it matter, or the critters can have it and I’m weaker for no good reason.”
“Lucy, don’t do this—”
“It’s done. Now you get out of here before Lynn comes back and shoots you.”
He placed one hand on either side of her face with a sad smile, and her thoughts raced for a string of words that would make the feelings in her heart and the harsh nature of their world work hand in hand.
But there was nothing.
Deceiving Lynn wasn’t an entirely new experience for Lucy. She’d snuck out of their house more than a few times, told small fibs about broken windows, even bailed out of chores once or twice on a whim. But failing to tell her Carter was trailing them outdid all her white lies, and the guilt didn’t sit well. But she could bear the burden, knowing the alternative was to leave Carter to die.
Lucy ignored her conscience pangs as Lynn wrapped her foot in some bandages she’d found, padding the heel well before sliding the new boots over Lucy’s feet.
“How they feel?” Lynn asked.
“Pretty good, might be a little loose.”
“Loose can give you a blister just as bad as tight can,” Lynn said, her forehead creasing.
“Yeah, but I need the room for the bandage,” Lucy said quickly, not wanting Lynn to leave the camp again. “And who knows how long it will take us to get to California… . I might grow into them.”
“Hopefully not that long,” Lynn said as she lay down on her blanket, eyes sliding to the horizon and the dark clouds piling up above the sunset. “Might rain.”
“Feels weird not running for buckets.”
“We should set out our bottles. They’ll catch something at least.”
They piled their backpacks and blankets underneath the spreading canopy of the pine as the clouds neared, flickering lightning licking the edges of the storm front.
“Think it’ll be bad?” Lucy asked.
Lynn watched the clouds for a moment. “Not very,” she decided. “It’ll be one of those that gives us a soaking and then moves on. I should’ve noticed it sooner. We could’ve been in one of them houses below.”
Lucy slid under the lowest branches of the pine, the needles tickling her back as she lay on her stomach. “There’s good cover here. We’ll be fine.”
Lynn scooted over to lie next to Lucy, her face propped in her hands. “Something’s not right,” she said, her eyes darting over the horizon. “I don’t know if it’s bothering me I didn’t see that storm coming sooner, or…”
“Or what?”
“Or if it’s like I feel somebody is watching.”
“Nobody is watching us,” Lucy said quickly. “There’s nobody out here but you and me.”
“Maybe. But keep your gun close,” Lynn said, her nerves still clearly on edge. “I guess I’ll lay here in the dirt and watch the first rainfall I’ve ever not been running around willy-nilly to collect.”
The next day dawned clear. As Lucy dragged herself out from under the pine, she saw Lynn critically inspecting the water bottles they’d left out the night before.
“Catch much?”
“Not too bad, but I think a critter got curious in the night, knocked this one over.” She held up an empty bottle. “Not a drop in it.”
“Critters, what can you do?” Lucy shrugged, forcing the image of Carter chugging the water, his bruised and broken lips cracked with thirst, out of her mind.
“Shoot ’em,” Lynn said, and shoved the empty into her pack along with the rest. They made good time once Lucy had convinced Lynn her new boots weren’t bothering her. She regretted putting on such a convincing show; if Carter couldn’t keep up with them, he was a goner. They ate a sparing lunch of Stebbs’ venison jerky along with some dried peas, their rations so meager Lucy knew the small amounts she could spare for Carter would only keep him alive for so long.
“Do you think we should hunt while we’re still in an area we know?”
“Maybe,” Lynn said, “but we’ve got plenty of food to keep us going at least out of Ohio. Once we’re low, we can start thinking about hunting smaller animals, something we can eat in one or two meals. We can hit some empty houses up, see if there’s anything left in the way of cans.”
Lucy looked past the words Lynn was saying and into her tone. “But not yet?”