of me. I felt ashamed of my feelings for her and guilty that we were doing
something wrong. Linda continued to insist our relationship be hidden and I went
along with it; though by this point we didn't even have our friendship anymore.
Linda continued to refuse to be seen with me in case someone would guess our
relationship. But she continued to sneak into my bedroom for sex when the
mood struck her. I finally got frustrated with the whole thing and decided there
had to be more to a lesbian relationship than occasional sex. I wanted a real
relationship with someone who was proud to be seen with me. It all came to an
end when Linda graduated and decided that we should go our separate ways.
You should've heard her. 'Riley I'm not gay and neither are you.'"
Sam gasped in shock. This from the woman who'd just spent the last two and a
half years as Riley's lover.
Riley laughed bitterly. "Yeah, tell me about it, it gets better. She then went on to
inform me, 'I'll always remember our time together, but it's time to move on. I'm
not gay. I want to get married and have a child. It's been fun but now it's time to
get on with my real life."
Sam snorted in disgust at the woman's blatant use of Riley. "She was a
manipulative bitch Riley. She used you, and then dumped you. I'd be proud to
have you at my side, any time, any where." Sam declared.
Riley wiped away the tears that had leaked out. "Always my hero," she told Sam
in a loving voice.
Sam pulled Riley into her lap, wrapping her arms tightly around her. "For as long
as you want me." She promised.
Riley pressed her face into Sam's neck inhaling her scent and savoring the
wonderful feelings of contentment and safety being in her arms invoked.
"So that was it, she just left?"
"Yep, packed her bags and moved out without a thought. I actually wasn't as
upset as I thought I'd be. I guess in the back of my mind I'd known she was
using me but just couldn't bring myself to face it. I decided I didn't want anything
to do with women and had no interest in guys. I also knew my uncle would never
accept my being gay. My uncle was happy to see Linda go. He'd never liked her.
I didn't think about it at the time but now I wonder if he didn't have some inkling
as to the real nature of our relationship. Then again he didn't like any of my
roommates. He especially didn't like Denny. Denny didn't like the way my uncle
treated me like a child. He and my uncle got into some spectacular
disagreements. Anyway, there you have it, the sorry saga of my medical school
love life."
Sam hugged her tight, consoling her. "So that was it, you just stopped dating...'til
Keith?" She questioned quietly.
Riley laughed bitterly. "I wish. As soon as I graduated from medical school,
number two in my class by the way. My uncle was very disappointed I wasn't
number one." She added. "Anyway, he started up again, insisting I attend
society events with him and my aunt. He set up my escorts for the evening. I
was an intern and barely had a second to myself but he didn't care. I could've
been working 36 hours straight but if he set up one of these 'dates' he
demanded I attend. I finally relented and started dating Chris just to get him off
my back. We dated for three months and my uncle was ecstatic. Chris was from
a very prominent LA family and he'd just completed his fellowship in cardiac
surgery under my uncle's tutorage. Chris pressured me to sleep with him from
our first date. He was my uncle's star protégé' and between the two of them
they had our life all planned out together. I don't know why I did it, I knew I didn't
have any of those types of feelings for him but I finally gave in and slept with
him. It was a disaster!" Riley shuttered remembering. "I knew I'd made a big
mistake and I immediately broke it off with him. I managed to convince my uncle
and Chris that I needed to concentrate on my own residency and my goal to
become Chief Resident. My uncle bought right into that. He wanted to be able to
brag to his cronies that his niece was Chief Resident of one of the most
competitive surgical residencies in the county. After I completed my five-year
residency I accepted a Trauma Surgery Fellowship at Mercy here in San Diego.
Thankfully Chris had moved on and married a nurse at the hospital where he
was working. My uncle even from Los Angeles was still pressuring me to date. A
friend decided to help out and set me up with Keith and well you know how that
turned out. When I was dating Keith I finally accepted the fact that I would never
be more than friends with him or any guy. I was lonely and I guess finally over
what Linda had done. When I turned 35 I had an epiphany. I was wasting my life
trying to please a man who would never be happy no matter what I did. I was
tired of being alone and lying to myself and everyone else about who I really
was. I started dating women. That's the whole story. Now you know all my
secrets." She said gazing up into Sam's eyes.
Sam's arms tightened around Riley where she still sat on her lap. "Thank you for
sharing that with me. I know it wasn't easy to tell me all that. I guess I just
needed to hear the whole story."
Riley felt drained after telling Sam her story. She snuggled into Sam's warm
embrace. Sam now knew much more about her than she did about Sam. She
decided to turn the tables. She looked up at Sam meeting her eyes.
"What about you Sam, I guess you've always known you were gay huh?" She
was amazed to see a blush spread over Sam's face and she squirmed under
Riley. Riley pulled back a little, taking in Sam's body language. She got off
Sam's lap and knelt next her so she was facing her. "Sam?" Sam refused to look
up; her face was bright red. That's when it hit her. "You've slept with a guy!" She exclaimed. "Tell me." She insisted.
Riley was thrilled, she saw Sam in a whole new light. Somehow it made her feel
better to know Sam hadn't always been the tough, confident butch she was now.
Sam finally looked up meeting Riley's eyes. Riley could see the look of real
discomfort and immediately felt bad.
"It's okay Sam...you don't have to tell me."
Sam was relieved to be off the hook but then changed her mind. Riley had
shared some very intimate details of her life with her and it was only right that
she do the same. It was hard for her to open up. Only Jess knew the whole
story. She was surprised to realize she actually wanted to tell Riley. "No...it's
nothing bad...just embarrassing." Sam lifted her arm beckoning Riley back to her
side. Riley snuggled under Sam's arm resting her head on her shoulder. She
was fascinated to learn more about Sam. Sam mentally squared her shoulders
before beginning.
"Well you already know I grew up in a small town. Even in high school I wasn't
very feminine." Riley saw a quick flash of pain cross Sam's face. She knew from
experience how cruel kids could be to someone who didn't conform to the
'norm.' "I'd already gotten my height and quite a bit of my bulk. I used to lift
weights with Jess. Anyway, the one thing I really enjoyed was the marching
band. They formed their own little group within the school and as long as you
played well they didn't care about the rest."
"What instrument did you play?" Riley interrupted.
Sam grinned. "I was a drummer, there were five of us. I was the only girl but