"And then you had yourself assigned to do the Evaluation Report on contact with Earth?"
"I was simply the logical person to do that. While it was convenient, it also presented an ethical problem, especially when, after my second arrival at your house, I began to think in terms of being in love with you."
"When I was attractively vomited upon?"
"When you turned dismay into laughter, and returned damp from your shower with that rather thin dress clinging to every curve. And then we simply sat and talked, and it was the same as that first time I saw you. You listened to me, so grave and polite, and sparking with inner fires. It’s very…stimulating."
His right hand lifted an inch or so off his knee, but then he dropped it back, and for a moment she could see tension there, before he deliberately relaxed his hands, straightening.
"My Sights didn’t tell me to marry you, Laura. I do want that. Marriage, children. Waking up with you. But I already have the thing that is most important to me: spending time with you."
"Children?" she said, startled.
"You don’t wish to see what you and I combined could be? I do. But most of all I want to continue to be with you, in whatever way you will allow. What is not clear to me is why knowing I was powerfully attracted before we formally met has dealt you such a blow."
Laura knew she needed to answer this question, but really didn’t want to. "I suppose most people would think it romantic," she said, granting herself a brief postponement. "To make such a strong first impression."
Gidds shook his head. "Sight talents are often seen as too invasive. And Sight Sight pushes." He took a slow, deliberate breath. "I cannot be anything but a Sight talent, Laura, or change that my Sights played some role in my desire for you."
There was a pulse leaping in one of his temples, tiny and so revealing. Laura impulsively leaned forward and gripped his partially gloved hand so that he could more easily read her emotions. This wasn’t about him, or his Sights, and she wanted him to truly feel that.
Over his shoulder she saw three black-clad figures emerge from the bushes surrounding the floating bathroom. They stood frozen for a moment, then reversed direction, Zee towing Mara by her elbow.
"I’m bad with things that hurt me," Laura said. "I shut them away, or be sensible to a fault, or arrange to not have scenes about them. I did feel a little strange about the possibility that you and I might be together because Sight Sight told him to, but I was thrown off-balance mainly because the last few months as I knew them changed and were reshaped by something I didn’t know. And that opened an old wound."
She started to let go of his hand, but he firmed his grip, then swapped rocks to sit beside her.
"Utter betrayal," he said, and his voice was very soft. "I could feel that, and I thought it somehow was about me."
"No."
The thought of explaining didn’t seem so impossible with him sitting beside her, hand held so firmly. But there was still a constriction in her throat to overcome, to allow her to explain the last time a precious relationship had been so abruptly reshaped.
"On the whole I think it’s unhealthy to cling to a marriage that no longer works," she said, voice low. "Everyone changes, and it’s far from uncommon to grow apart and move on. That’s the kind of thing that hurts for a while, and then you get over it. But moving on while staying is not a kindness."
Gidds shifted but did not speak, and Laura let herself lean against his shoulder.
"I find it very hard to forgive that year," she said, in a small, stilted voice. "A year where I lived a delusion of comfortable marriage with someone who valued me, shared a dozen different interests, who worked and laughed and slept with me, and was happy too. And that person wasn’t real, thought me dull, wanted to be with someone else. Was with someone else. Which made it a year I wouldn’t have participated in, given the choice."
The familiar, sick revulsion washed over her, and she felt Gidds' grip tighten, even though Place Sight would be battering him with remembered nausea. She took deep breaths until it passed.
"Such a shabby way to behave," she said at last. "And history, something I rarely think about any more, but it does mean I react poorly to—well, not surprises. I like good surprises. Just…"
"False foundations," he said.
"Yes." Laura straightened, offering him a wry smile. "That was rather more drama than I usually indulge in. I guess that’s what I get for running away from conversations."
"No, this is due to my omission. And I knew certain of Haelin’s ambitions, although I didn’t expect her to try to push us to them. But she will not be so impolite again, and I cannot be unhappy we’ve had this conversation."
Laura did feel better. "A little catharsis goes a long way."
Cass had not entered catharsis in her English-Muinan dictionary, and Laura could see Gidds react to the word. Sight Sight.
They took a lightning detour through Greek tragedy—and some kissing—before deciding that the rest of the walking party would surely be tired of tactfully lurking at the other end of the island.
"I have an inspection tour scheduled the day after tomorrow," Gidds said, as they stood. "Dull stuff in terms of my part, but the place has spectacular views and I think you’d enjoy it. Would you like to come along?"
Laura hesitated, but decided she did want to see more of how Gidds behaved on duty. A decorous business trip and pretty scenery mightn’t help her settle the question of too fast or too slow, but it would at least distract her.
"Hot or cold weather clothing?"
"Edging toward cooler, but a light jacket should be fine. A long day with a very early start. I’ll detail someone to collect you, and arrange for breakfast on the transport."
He added the appointment to her calendar, and then wanted an explanation for why she found that so funny, and so she related a few selected highlights of Cass' diary, particularly the time he’d given Cass an appointment for now.
At the pavilion they found Allidi, Haelin and Lira conscientiously packing the remains of lunch, and talking about Red Exchange. All three gave Gidds and Laura evaluating glances, although only Lira extended hers to open consideration.
Apparently satisfied, Lira abruptly leapt for a tangent, saying to Gidds: "Who is it decided I must be followed about at school?"
"The Touchstone Oversight Committee," Gidds replied, not blinking at the sudden change of direction. "Primarily due to the risk posed by Teleportation talents."
"Do the Kalrani get punished when I hide from them?"
"You haven’t yet succeeded in hiding," Gidds told her. "The interface shows your exact location at all times. Nor have you been out of range of Combat Sight, which is the primary means of assessing any threat to you. Ducking out of rooms quickly, or blocking doors, only limits line of sight."
"It’s more interesting for your security detail when you try to hide," Haelin put in, not necessarily helpfully. "While you’re around people, guard duty means not even watching entertainments or playing games. So boring. I’m glad they’re only assigning older girls."
"Pandora Shore is easier than in a less controlled area," Allidi said. "But at the same time the students are far more dangerous than the general public. Combat Sight reacts to that." She hesitated, then added: "Can I ask you something?"
Lira, looking frustrated, shrugged.
"Why do you never really try to hide? Create a projection as a distraction? You—Touchstones are so potentially powerful."
"Because then there would be more rules," Lira said, impatiently. "They would not let me go to the school, or put twice as many guards. I am just tired of them being there all the time."