Penelope felt a pang, thinking of Nev learning to be practical. “Did you-” It was a terribly personal question, but she needed to know. “Why didn’t you want the baby?”
Miss Wray stared at her wasted hands. “I-” She swallowed. “I shouldn’t tell you.”
Penelope felt cold. Perhaps she didn’t need to know after all. What secret did Miss Wray have to share about Nev? “I-” Her lips had gone dry. “I don’t mean to intrude upon personal confidences.”
Miss Wray’s mouth twisted. “Such a good girl. No. You deserve to know, only-I suppose you won’t let me stay, and-”
“You can stay,” Penelope said before she knew she was going to. “Until you’re well, I promise you that.”
Miss Wray looked back at her hands, her mouth a tight line. “I don’t know if was his.”
Penelope stared. “What?”
“I don’t know if it was his. Nev’s friend Thirkell-Nev threw him over too, and he came by to see how I was doing. I was so grateful, and we had too much to drink, and-it was such a stupid thing to do. And I couldn’t tell Nev. I ought to have, none of this is his responsibility, either of yours, but I-I was afraid that you would toss me out.” She licked her cracked lips. “And I was angry.”
“He thinks you didn’t tell him you were in trouble because you didn’t trust him to help.” He’d be so relieved to learn that it wasn’t that at all-wouldn’t he? Or would he be jealous?
“Poor Nev. I suppose you’ll tell him.”
“I think I have to.” And yet-she understood so clearly why Miss Wray would not want Nev to know.
“Wait till I’m gone, won’t you? Until I’m back in London?”
Penelope nodded.
The next day was the first day of Sir Jasper’s house party. All the Ambreys were invited to pick strawberries with the guests, and Nev didn’t see how they could get out of it with any grace. Since Macaulay was still at the Grange, he came along.
The moment the party from the Dower House climbed into the carriage, it was clear that Louisa knew that Nev knew about her indiscretion. She sat silently in the corner, flushed and sullen. That meant, Nev realized with dismay, that she had a means of communicating secretly with Percy.
It was equally clear that their mother had not the slightest idea of what was going on. While Penelope and Macaulay conversed quietly about mutual acquaintances, Lady Bedlow spent the drive to Greygloss instructing Louisa on how to attract Sir Jasper. “And be polite to him this time!” she repeated for the tenth time.
“Mother, stop it,” Nev said.
“Yes, we all know if you had your way she’d be running around behaving in whatever hoydenish way she likes!”
Nev raised his eyebrows. “That is not in the least true. I am frequently disappointed in Louisa’s behavior.”
Louisa flushed.
Upon their arrival they were shown into the parlor, where Sir Jasper and most of the houseguests were already assembled in their most summery clothes. The Ambreys, still in full mourning, stood out painfully. Nev looked around the room for familiar faces-
He froze. In the corner were Thirkell’s aunt and his cousin Harriet. Beside them, Thirkell gazed at him uneasily. And next to him stood Percy, pale but defiant.
What the devil?
Sixteen
“I’m so very glad you could all make it.” Sir Jasper bent over the ladies’ hands gracefully-lingering over Louisa’s-and turned to Nev. “Your friend Lord Thirkell is here with his aunt and cousin,” he said. “I thought you might like to see him.”
Nev just stared at him.
Sir Jasper leaned forward and spoke more quietly. “You look displeased. I hope I haven’t done wrong by allowing your steward to stay here. I gathered he had left his position, but I had no reason to think it was on bad terms. Lord Thirkell asked me to invite him.”
Did Sir Jasper expect him to swallow that? “I-”
“Of course you haven’t done anything wrong.” Louisa smiled brightly at Sir Jasper. “Mr. Garrett is one of Nev’s oldest friends. What could there possibly be to object to?”
Nev wanted to wring his sister’s neck.
Sir Jasper’s whole face softened as he smiled back at her. “I’m glad to hear it.”
After introductions were made, the party was led out to a shady, hilly area covered in strawberry plants and given baskets. “Won’t you sit by me, Lady Bedlow?” Thirkell’s cousin Harriet said.
Nev could feel Penelope’s sudden uncertainty. “I-I-” She looked at him.
“Of course you must.” Nev attempted to smile. “I’ll see Louisa settled and be back directly, shall I?”
He deftly detached his sister from their mother and led her a short distance away. He opened his mouth to let her know exactly what he thought of her, but she didn’t wait.
“I’m sorry, Nev, I’m so sorry. I knew I was doing wrong, but I love him! I want to be with him forever. I’ll die without him.”
“You’re seventeen! You’re not going to die without him. I assure you, after a few months of remade gowns you’d find that forever seemed a very long time.”
The black lace at her shoulders trembled with rage. “You think I’m shallow, don’t you? You think I’m a frivolous, silly little girl who doesn’t care for anything but her bonnets.”
“Of course not, Louisa, but-”
“I was willing to do my part and marry well when the family needed it. I was willing to sacrifice everything. I would have done it for you and Mama. But you wouldn’t let me. And now-now that we have enough money for me to marry where I love, now that I’ve found love and know what I would be sacrificing-now you ask me to give up everything. Well, I won’t.”
He wanted to slap her right across her tragic, noble mouth. “I’m not asking you to give up everything, Louisa. Don’t dramatize.”
“I hate you! I hate you for speaking to me that way. I love him, Nate, can’t you understand that?”
“No, dash it all,” he said through gritted teeth. “I can’t understand it. I can’t understand how a clever girl like you could have been so stupid as to risk everything for a few stolen kisses. Tom Kedge saw you, did you know that? He’s threatening to tell Sir Jasper. The bastard’s been skimming from the Poor Authority funds and underpaying his employees, and I’m going to have to renew his lease to save you from the consequences of your own folly. Think about what you’ve done, Louisa.”
Louisa turned pale. “I’m sorry,” she said in a choked voice. “I’m sorry. But you don’t have to renew his lease. You just have to let me marry Percy, and then everything will be fine.”
“You can’t think five minutes ahead, Louisa. How do you expect me to believe you can think ahead to forever?”
“I love him, damn you!”
“No, you don’t,” he said brutally.
“I do. And I’m sorry that you couldn’t have that with your wife, I am, but don’t try to take it away from me!”
He thought he had been angry before, but that had been nothing to his furious rage now. It filled his lungs, choking him. “You willful, irresponsible, insufferable little brat! How dare you? You think love is just-just-something out of a damn Minerva Press novel! You think that because you happen to feel, right now, that you’ll die without someone, that you love him? That you can marry him? Love isn’t a game. Living with someone, being married to her-that’s work, Louisa. It’s trying to be what she needs even if it doesn’t come naturally, and struggling to understand her, and working together to make a life! It’s accepting that sometimes things aren’t perfect. It’s understanding that sometimes one of you has responsibilities that have to come first, and knowing that she understands that too! So don’t dare tell me that because I haven’t behaved like an idiot and brought a host of troubles down around my family’s head, that I don’t love Penelope.”
She stared at him for a long moment, conflicting emotions chasing each other around her face-affection, anger, regret. At last she said, quietly, “I’m not the one who reads Minerva Press novels, Nate. You are. And you’re right, love is work. But it’s also something more. And if you don’t know that, then you don’t love Penelope.” And she turned on her heel and walked away.