She gave him a warning look. "I am not a saint. I was unfaithful to my husband."
There-the words were out, the scandalous admission of her sin. It pained Devon to hear the disgrace in her voice, maybe because he understood it too well. Better than anyone.
She rose from her chair. "But as I said before, I did not come here to discuss my life. I came to discuss yours. You have your own regrets, too, Devon, and the guilt to go along with it. It is why I knocked on your door."
He sat back.
"You don't believe you deserve happiness either," she said, "and you are going to try to deny yourself, even when it is within your grasp."
"But is it truly within my grasp?" he asked, feeling angry all of a sudden. "I will never be able to forget what happened that day three years ago. Never. I will always regret my weakness and my impulsive passions. Yet here I am, rushing into marriage with a woman I barely know."
She knelt before him, placed her hands on his knees, and spoke with conviction. "I have a good feeling about her, Devon. You will be happy, if you will only let yourself. What happened with MaryAnn was tragic, there is no question about that, but you never meant for it to happen. You did your best. Her death was an accident."
"But her feelings for me were…" He paused.
"What she felt in her heart is not your fault either. You did what you could to discourage her and to be loyal to your brother. You need to forgive yourself."
He gazed into his mother's caring eyes. She was a wise and intelligent woman, but she did not know the whole story about MaryAnn. No one did. "Vincent has not forgiven me," he said.
"He will in time. Now that you are home."
"I am not so sure of that."
She sat back on her heels. "Please, Devon. It is true that you have been pushed into this marriage because of your father's demands, but you can still open your heart to the possibility of love and happiness with the woman you have chosen to be your wife. Learn from my mistakes. Do not repeat them. Run toward love, not away from it. Don't resist what you feel for her. You could bring hope and joy back into this house. Lord knows we all need it here."
"That we do," he replied, feeling the weight of his responsibilities looming heavier than ever. "That we do."
That night after the theatricals in the grand saloon, the ladies said goodnight to each other, while some of the gentlemen decided to taste the brandy in the library and engage themselves in a few hands of cards.
Devon encouraged them to do so, ordered more brandy to be brought up, then discreetly slipped behind the crimson drapery in the saloon to the hidden door in the wall. He flicked the latch and entered the dark passageway, where a candle was waiting for him in a sconce.
As a boy he had explored these narrow corridors hundreds of times, and he and his brothers often escaped punishment when they'd been confined to their rooms by lock and key-at least until the new nannies discovered the secret doorways hidden behind movable bookcases or builtin wardrobes.
Their favorite places to explore had always been the subterranean passageways, for they were dark and damp and made of stone, and had once been used by the monks at the abbey before the king had dismantled the monasteries and turned them out.
That particular bit of palace history, along with the story of the prior who was murdered by his own canons, had provided Devon and his brothers limitless opportunities for ghost stories and trickery. That was how they had always managed to have new nannies. They could never keep one for very long after she'd been lured down to the foundations of the palace, where mice and cobwebs were always readily available in the pitch-black caverns, along with their own ghoulish howls.
But that was years ago. These days he used the passageways for a different kind of midnight game altogether.
He reached the secret entrance to Rebecca's room and paused with the candle in his hand, listening. His mother's maid had been assigned double duty to assist Rebecca until she found a permanent maid of her own, so he was careful to make sure Alice was not about. He heard a drawer open and close, but no one spoke, so he carefully pushed open the door.
He entered the well-lit room from behind the floor-to-ceiling portrait of one his ancestors, and stood briefly beside the bed, watching his betrothed stand before the mirror on the vanity, running a brush through her thick, wavy hair. She stood with her back to him and wore a white dressing gown, and was humming a melody he did not recognize.
As he watched her, he wondered why he had come. He had been working very hard to keep his mind fixed on his duties and responsibilities and all the practical details involved in planning a hasty wedding. He had been relatively successful in that regard, at least until his mother had knocked on his door earlier in the day and given him that speech about happiness. As a result, he had discovered that looking at his mother was like looking in a mirror. He had tried to convince her to let go of her guilt and shame and allow herself a better future. She had said the same to him.
After she left, he'd had no choice but to contemplate his own advice with a bit more care and reflection.
He glanced to the right and saw the diary sitting on the bedside table, and wondered if Rebecca had been reading it just now, or intended to read it when she climbed into bed.
Just thinking about some of the words on the pages of the book gave him a stir, so rather than continuing to fight against his unwieldy passions, he blew out the candle he held, set it on the table and slowly strode forward toward his betrothed.
She spotted his movement in the mirror and sucked in a breath, startled by his unexpected appearance. Whirling around to face him, she whispered hotly, "Don't do that to me! I thought you were a ghost."
"No ghosts in this house, darling, only randy fiances who can't help sneaking around to see the objects of their desire."
She huffed. "Did you come through one of those secret passages again?"
"I did indeed."
He reached her and let his eyes wander down to her bare toes, then back up again.
Suddenly duty and responsibility had nothing to do with anything. He wanted sex with her, and he wanted it now.
She narrowed her clever gaze at him when their eyes met. "I beg your pardon," she said, playfully scolding, "but I thought that after our previous disregard for propriety, we were going to make this a respectable engagement and wait until our wedding night to properly celebrate our nuptials."
"But that's two days from now."
"You can't wait two days?" she said, incredulous.
"Definitely not."
She made a valiant effort to hide her smile, and walked past him toward the bed, stopping to turn around in front of the bedside table.
He raised an eyebrow and leaned to the side to see past her. She glanced over her shoulder.
"You want to read more of that diary, don't you?" she asked, with a teasing tone.
"Don't you?"
"I already know how it ends."
He strode toward her. "I, on the other hand, do not, and the suspense is killing me."
"I hardly think that is what's killing you."
How right she was.
He stopped a few inches away. She laid a hand on his chest, then slowly slid it down inside his trousers, wrapping it around his rock-hard erection, already standing stiffly at attention. "You just want to hear the naughty bits," she said.
"Aloud, if you don't mind."
He grinned wolfishly, realizing he adored this woman more with every passing second, and he was a very lucky man to have found her before anyone else had.