“It’s me.”
“You were so mad. Why did you come back?”
He inches my leggings down my legs and when they’re off, he tosses them into the wash basket next to the door. Before he asks any more questions, he lifts me off the floor, and carries me to my bed. He sits down next to me and I ask him again. “Why?”
“Because I care about you. I can’t believe you’re pregnant, Kins. I really can’t, but I don’t hate you. I never could.”
I pull on his hand, silently asking him to get in bed with me. Right now, I need his comfort. I need the reminder of all the times he’s held me and promised me I’d be okay because he was right every single time.
He’s hesitant when he says, “I can’t. You’re not mine.”
He’s right. My heart belongs to Rhett. He’s who I’m craving, but can’t have.
“Don’t cry, Kins.”
“We’re over. His mom found out I’m pregnant. She kicked me out.”
“Rhett let you leave?”
“He wanted me to stay, but I couldn’t. He needs his Mom more than he needs me. He just doesn’t know it yet.”
Carson lays down next to me, pulling me close. We’ve been in this position so many times. The night my mom died was the first time he protected me in his arms. Ever since, it’s been where I go for comfort. At least until Rhett came along.
Like he did before, he reads my mind. He knows what I need without having to ask. “You’re not alone anymore. I’ll take care of you. Tell me what you need.”
Carson has always accepted me just as I am—with every single flaw, mistake, and imperfection. He’s never wanted me to be anything other than who I am, and I’m grateful. “I just need you to hold me.”
“I’ve got you.”
I don’t wake up until noon the next day. Carson’s still in bed next to me, sleeping. Even though I’m not with Rhett anymore, I still feel like I’m cheating by being in bed with someone else. There’s not much time to dwell on it though, because as soon as I sit up, I’m reminded of the fact that I’m pregnant.
I rush to the bathroom, and fall to my knees just in time. My stomach contracts painfully, and my throat is still raw from the last time I got sick. Carson’s right behind me, pulling my hair away from my face, and holding it so it doesn’t get thrown up on.
When I start to feel the nausea pass, I sit back on my heels, trying to catch my breath. Even though I woke up less than five minutes ago, I’m already tired again. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“Yes, you can. You’re going to be a great mother.” Carson helps me off the floor, and puts toothpaste on my toothbrush for me. “Open.”
I open my mouth and he sticks it inside, running it back and forth over my teeth. I smile at him, wondering what he’s doing. “I can handle it.”
He hands me the toothbrush, but he doesn’t leave. He sits on the edge of the tub, waiting until I finish. When I do, he pulls me onto his lap. The air from the vent hits my legs, and I realize all I’m wearing is one of his T-shirts. I forgot he changed me last night when I was too far gone to do it myself.
“Feel better?”
I nod my head. “For now.”
“You sort of missed most of school. Is there anything you wanted to do today?”
“There’s only one more day of school before break. I didn’t really feel like answering a bunch of questions anyway.”
“I guess they’re going to know about the baby, now.”
“I’m sure it’s spread like a wild fire.”
Neither of us say anything for a couple minutes, we just sit in the bathroom of all places, absorbing the drama of the previous day.
“I’m really sorry, Kins,” Carson says, breaking the silence. “I would never hurt you. When I threw that book, I wasn’t aiming for anything other than the wall.”
“You scared me.”
“I shouldn’t have done it. When I saw the fear in your eyes, that you were actually afraid of me, I knew I had to leave.”
“Why did you come back?”
“Because I didn’t want you to be alone. And if I’m being honest, I needed to be with you again. You think I’m here because your brother asked me. The truth is, I volunteered because I was hoping it would make you want to be with me. But by the time I got here, you already had your sights set on someone else.”
“I’ll always care about you.”
“But you still want Rhett, right?”
“I don’t know what I want anymore. I thought we had it figured out—I never expected his mom to react the way she did. I don’t know what I was thinking. I mean, what parent would be cool with their kid having a baby?”
“You’ve been blinded by love.”
“Maybe.”
“I get it, Kins. When you love someone, you’ll do just about anything for them. The past seven days, I walked around this place trying to figure out how to ask you about the baby. Nothing sounded right, and the days kept getting away from me before I could come up with something. Confronting you was stupid. It’s not how I wanted to approach it at all.”
“You’re forgiven.”
He leans forward and kisses my cheek. I close my eyes, and all on its own my head turns toward him. Without thinking about what I’m doing or about the consequences, I lean in and find his lips. I’ve wondered for years what it would be like to kiss Carson. Now I’m finding out.
His hands tangle in my hair, and he turns me around in his lap so I’m straddling his waist. His mouth feels good on mine. His fingers tug on my hair just enough that it prickles my scalp, but doesn’t hurt. Everything about our first kiss is good, but it doesn’t give me butterflies the way kissing Rhett does.
It’s nice, but it’s not him.
Carson, on the other hand, is staring back at me like I’m his world. I so badly want to feel the same way, so I can put the past behind me and move on like it never existed. He reminds me though when he runs his hand over my stomach. “I’ll take care of you. I’ll love you both so much.”
Here’s this amazingly sweet guy willing to sacrifice even more for my happiness. He’s telling me he’ll take us both, because we’re a package deal now. I should be rejoicing—thanking my lucky stars I’m not going to end up alone, but it only makes me want to fix things with Rhett that much more. I can’t imagine anyone else raising this baby with me.
“I have to go to the diner to talk to Betty about blowing off my shift last night. Will you take me?”
“Of course I will. I’ll make you some toast before we go. You need to eat.”
“You’re sure I’m not keeping you from something important?”
“You’re the most important part of my day.” He leans in to kiss me again, and like a fool, I let him. When he pulls away, his smile widens. “My holiday break started today. I’m all yours.”
He stands in front of me, waiting for me to say something, but I can’t think of a single thing. So, I simply thank him, and step into the shower with my shirt still on. Once I hear the door close, I finally release the breath I’ve been holding. I need to fix this before it goes any farther. I’m just not sure how I’m going to do that. I can’t keep leading Carson on.
By the time I get out of the shower, my fingers are wrinkly from standing under the hot spray so long. Carson has toast and a glass of orange juice sitting on my dresser. My mouth’s still so dry, I drink most of it before I ever take a bite of my breakfast.
Once I’m finished, it takes me a little longer than usual to get ready. I have to sit down a couple times to make sure my breakfast isn’t going to come back up. But after I’m dressed and my hair is dry, I walk into a living room for an unexpected surprise.
Wyatt, Kate, and Carson are all sitting on the couch, staring at me. “What’s going on?”
Carson stands up, reaching out for my hand. He pulls me closer and sits me on the end of the couch, closest to him. “I had to call them, Kins. Your family should be here for you. You don’t have to do this by yourself.”
“Why did you do that? I was going to tell them.”