What if I had told the boy I loved to leave and it ended up being for nothing?
I didn’t talk about Win that much, even or especially with Scarlet, but I still missed him. Of course I did. At times like this, I felt the loss of him especially intensely.
It had been three and a half months since we broke up for good, and this was how I had come to understand what had happened.
I was not innocent. I knew what I had done. I knew why I was wrong (and why he was wrong, too). We had met in high school so the chance of us ending up together in the long run had probably been pretty slim, even if we hadn’t been star-crossed from the start.
Yes, I had made my choices. And choosing this club meant not choosing Win. I had sacrificed him to a cause I believed to be greater. But, dear God, if you have the idea that letting Win leave had cost me nothing, you are mistaken. I know I am an infuriating character, that I have a tendency to sound stoic and dry. More than most people, it is my nature to conceal what is most sacred in my heart. But though my feelings may be concealed, it does not mean they aren’t felt.
I missed Win’s smell (pine, citrus), his hands (soft palms, long fingers), his mouth (velvet, clean), and even his hats. I wanted to talk to him, to run ideas by him, to tease him, and to kiss him. I missed having someone love me, not because they were related to me, but because they thought I was irresistible, unique, and definitely worth the trouble.
And so, I could not sleep.
The cacao arrived around two o’clock, and Theo with it.
“Your hair is so ugly!”
“I thought you’d like it.”
“I despise it.” He circled me. “Why must girls torture their hair so?”
“It was a business decision,” I told him. “And if you go on about it much longer, you’re in danger of hurting my feelings.”
“Anya, have we been apart so long that you have forgotten what a fool I am? I should be ignored. Eh, maybe the hair, maybe it is not so bad. Maybe it is growing on me. I hope it is growing on you.” He kissed me on my cheeks. “The place looks handsome at least. Let us see the kitchen.”
When Theo and I brought in the sacks of raw cacao, the staff cheered and Lucy even kissed Theo. He was very kissable, that boy. She made him the signature drink, which was still a work in progress. Theo tasted it, swallowed slowly, smiled politely at Lucy, and set the glass on the counter. Then he pulled me aside and whispered in my ear, “Anya, this is no good. You can’t serve this.”
I explained to Theo that no American mixologist had experience making drinks with cacao on account of cacao being banned. We were doing the best we could under the circumstances.
“I am serious. This tastes like dirt. Cacao requires more finesse than this. She needs to be teased, to be provoked. I am here. Let me help you.” He rolled up his sleeves and put on an apron.
He looked at Lucy. “Listen, I mean you no disrespect, but we have different ways of dealing with the cacao in Mexico. Would you mind if I showed you?”
“I’ve been working on this drink for months,” Lucy protested. “Not to mention, I have a special diploma in Beverages and Pastries from the Culinary Institute of America. I highly doubt you’ll come up with a better recipe in an afternoon.”
“I only want to help my friend by showing you some techniques. I’ve been working with cacao my entire life so, humbly I tell you, I know a few things.”
Lucy stepped aside though she didn’t exactly look happy about letting Theo take over her kitchen.
“Okay, good. Gracias. I appreciate very much you letting me use your kitchen. I need orange zest, cinnamon, brown sugar, rose hips, coconut milk…” He reeled off a long list of ingredients and the sous-chefs scrambled to get them.
Twenty minutes later, Theo had finished mixing his attempt at the club’s signature drink. “The Theobroma,” he said. “You must get orchids to put in the glasses.”
I sipped. The flavor was chocolaty, but not heavily so. The cacao was rich but almost in the background. Instead, what I tasted was the coconut and the citrus. It was fresh and had exactly the flavors I had craved.
“You know, Theo, orchids aren’t exactly easy to come by here,” I said.
Theo was staring at me. “But what do you think of the drink?”
“It’s good. It’s really good,” I said.
Lucy drank tentatively, but when she was done, she took off her chef’s hat to Theo. She nodded toward me. I raised my glass and said, “To the Theobroma! The signature drink of the Dark Room!”
“We have to leave in twenty minutes or we’ll be late,” I called as I ran into the apartment. I had come home to change and pick Natty up. I dropped my keys in the foyer, and then I went into the living room, where my sister sat on the couch with an older-looking boy. They must not have heard me come in and they separated as soon as they saw me, which made them seem guilty—I didn’t think they were even doing anything. Still, the sight of my little sister entertaining a gentleman companion was scandalous to say the least. “Natty, who’s your friend?”
The boy stood up and manfully introduced himself. “I’m Pierce. I was a year behind you at Trinity actually. Natty and I have science together.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Nice to see you, Pierce.” The boy was familiar and seemed friendly enough. However … though he was only one grade ahead of Natty, Pierce was much too old to be my sister’s boyfriend. I turned to Natty. “We have to leave in twenty minutes. Would you mind asking Pierce to go so that we can get ready?”
Pierce was barely out the door when Natty turned on me. “What was that? Why were you so rude to him?”
“Why do you think? He’s eighteen at least.”
“Nineteen. He spent a semester working on the wells.”
“You are fourteen. He is much too old for you, Natty.”
“You’re being completely unfair. I’m a junior. He’s a senior.”
“But you’re supposed to be a freshman.” She had skipped two grades.
“I can’t help it if I’m young for my grade. And five years is nothing.”
“Is he your boyfriend?” I asked.
“No!” She sighed. “Yes.”
“Natty, I forbid it. You cannot date a nineteen-year-old. He is a man, and you are still a child. And men have expectations.”
“You forbid it?” she screamed. “You aren’t ever around. You don’t have a right to forbid me to do anything.”
“I do, Natty. The state of New York says that I am your legal guardian, and I do actually get to forbid you to do anything I want. If you don’t break this off, I will call Pierce’s parents, and I will let them know that if he tries anything with you, I will press charges. Do you know what statutory rape is?”
“You wouldn’t!”
“I would, Natty. Don’t test me.” I felt absurd even as I was saying this.
Natty had started to cry. “Why have you become so horrible?”
“I don’t want to be,” I said. “I’m trying to protect you.”
“Protect me from what? Protect me from having friends? Protect me from having a life? I have no friends at school, do you know that? I’m, like, a freak. Pierce is seriously my only friend there, Annie.”