“I see, he thinks God is punishing him for disobeying His Laws.”
“I would never disobey God's Laws. I was never Arthur's wife. Your father is the only man I have known as a husband.”
“You have told him that.”
“A thousand times.”
“Dearest Mother, do not grieve. Everyone will understand.”
“Your father is determined. He says he must have a son…a legitimate son. And the only way he can do that is by ridding himself of me.”
I was puzzled. It seemed impossible to me. My mother was the Queen. My father was married to her, so how could he marry someone else in order to get a son?
I said, “I know he wants a son. All rulers do. They despise our sex. It is very sad. But my father is married to you and if it is God's will that he shall not have a son, there is nothing he can do about it.”
“Kings are very powerful, daughter.”
“But…he is married…”
“Marriages are, in some circumstances, set aside.”
“Set aside!”
“A dispensation from the Pope…”
“But even the Pope cannot go against the Holy Laws of the Church.”
She said, “We shall fight for our place. I will fight … and it will be mainly for you.”
“For me?”
“Oh, I forget your youth. You make me forget it, daughter, because you are so serious and I am so distraught.”
“Dearest Mother, I do understand. I know how you have suffered for a long time.”
“You knew that?”
“I have seen it in your face… because I love you so much.”
“My poor child. I will fight for your position as well as for my own, for you see, if this terrible thing came to pass, you would no longer be the Princess of Wales.”
“But I am the Princess of Wales. I am the King's daughter…”
“It is hard to explain. If the King were to prove that his marriage to me was no true marriage, although we have lived for all those years as husband and wife, in the eyes of the Church our marriage would be no true marriage and therefore our child would not be the legitimate heir to the throne.”
As the enormity of this swept over me, I felt deeply shocked.
“That could never be,” I said.
My mother answered, “We must see that it never comes to pass.”
We sat for a long time, I at her feet clinging to her hands. We were silent, she no doubt brooding on the past years, perhaps remembering the happiness she had enjoyed with my father during the first years of their marriage and I shocked and bewildered by the sudden realization of what had been going on for so long.
It was the reason for my mother's sadness, the silences of the Countess. They had believed me too young at eleven to understand that which could have had a devastating effect on my future.
I was afraid of the future; I was afraid of my powerful father. Young as I was I knew that my fate, and that of my mother, was in the hands of a ruthless man.
Yet, I was glad that at last I knew what it was all about.
REGINALD HAD COME to Court with us from Ludlow and I had an opportunity of talking to him.
I said bluntly, “I know now what has been troubling my mother for so long. My father fears theirs is no true marriage. You know of it, I suppose.”
“Yes,” he answered.
“I dareswear everyone at Court knows of it.”
“Many do,” he admitted, “although it is known as the King's Secret Matter.”
“What will happen?” I asked.
“What can happen? Your father is married to the Queen. There is an end of it.”
“But if the marriage was no true marriage…?”
“It was a true marriage.”
“My father thinks that, because my mother was married before to his brother Arthur, it was against the laws of Holy Church that he and she should marry.”
“It has taken him a long time to come to this decision.”
“It has been brought to him because God has denied him sons.”
“There could be a number of reasons for that.”
“But he thinks it is because he married his brother's widow.”
Reginald shook his head. “My mother prays for a son,” I went on. “If only she could have one, all would be well.”
Reginald looked at me sadly. “My dear Princess,” he said, “you are too young to bother your head with such matters.”
“But they concern me,” I pointed out.
“You are thinking of your right to the throne. If your father does not have a son, you will be Queen one day. Would that mean so much to you?”
I hesitated. I was remembering the months at Ludlow where I had had my own little Court. Power. Yes, there was an intoxication about it. It would be my right to follow my father, to rule the country… unless there was a brother to replace me. “I see,” he said, “that ambition has already cast its spell over you.”
“Are you not ambitious, Reginald?”
He was silent for a while. “I think we all have the seeds of ambition in us,” he said at length. “Some might have ambition to possess a crown; others for a peaceful life. It is all ambition in a way.”
“You could advance high in the Church.”
“I am not sure that I want that. I want to see the world…to learn. There is so much to be discovered. When you are older, you will understand. And now … do not grieve. This will pass, I am sure. Your father is restive. Men sometimes are at certain periods of their lives. He is disappointed because he has no son. He looks around for reasons. This will pass. It must pass. The Pope will never grant him what he wants. There is the Emperor Charles to be considered.”
“Why the Emperor?”
He said gently, “The Emperor is the Queen's nephew. He would never agree that your mother should be set aside. It would be an insult to Spain. The Emperor is the most powerful man in Europe… and his recent successes have made him more important than ever. The sons of the King of France are his hostages.”
“My bridegroom is one of them.”
“Oh, these treaties, these marriages! They hardly ever come to anything when they are between children.”
“You comfort me, Reginald.”
“That is what I shall always do if it is in my power.”
He stooped and kissed my forehead.
I was thankful for Reginald.
THE ONLY BRIGHTNESS during that anxious time was due to his presence and the fact that I was under the same roof as my mother.
She and the Countess were often together; they had always been the best of friends. They were often in deep conversation, and I was sure my mother was completely frank with the Countess, for she trusted her absolutely.
I had grown up considerably since leaving Ludlow; and when I was in that pleasant spot I had emerged from my childhood to get a notion of what it really meant to rule.
But to be plunged into this tragedy which surrounded my mother had brought a new seriousness into my life.
I wished that I knew more. It is frustrating to be on the edge of great events and to be afforded only the sort of view one would get by looking through a keyhole.
Reginald was often with us, and the four of us would be alone together—my mother, the Countess, Reginald and myself. I am sure that both the Countess and her son did a great deal to sustain my mother, but there was little anyone could do to lift the menacing threat which hung over her.
She had suffered neglect and poverty after Prince Arthur's death, when her father did not want her to return to Spain and my grandfather did not want her in England. For seven years she had lived thus until my father had gallantly and romantically married her. I think she feared that she would be forced into a similar position to that which she had suffered before, if the King, my father, deserted her.
She had great determination. She was going to fight…if not for herself, for me, because my fate was so wrapped up in hers.