“Colt?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you miss your family, being away at the school, I mean?”
He’s quiet for a second, as if considering my question. “I miss my mom. My dad, not so much.” He rolls over onto his side, facing me. “Are you homesick?”
I nod, meeting his eyes. “I guess so.”
“Do you have a boyfriend back home?”
“Nope.” The memory of Wes rears its ugly head, but I push back down.
“So what about you? After your heartfelt breakup with Bria yesterday…no girlfriend?”
He smirks. “I know you’ve heard the rumors about me by now,” he says calmly. “Not all of them are true, by the way.”
I notice he doesn’t deny that some of them are true, or clarify which ones are fact and which are fiction.
“Love is a farce” he says.
Oh, how original. A hot guy that doesn’t believe in love. I keep my mouth closed, waiting for him to explain himself.
He continues, “I mean love as an emotion, yes, that exists. I love sushi, for instance. But being in love – with one person? No.”
So he’s never been in love. I guess I haven’t really either. But I never doubted it existed. Seeing my parents together – the way my dad was an ass sometimes and my mom was calm and loving with him when I felt like storming to my room and slamming to the door –told me there was something deeper at work. Of course I loved my dad, but she was clearly in love with him. They still cuddled on the couch during movies and kissed goodbye every morning. I knew I wanted that someday. I believe in that.
“What about your parents? Are they still married?”
“Ah, no.” He clears his throat. “My mom passed away when I was fourteen. Cancer.”
“I’m so sorry.” I prop up on my elbow and look at him.
“Thanks.” He offers me a small smile. “I still miss her. That’s weird, right? I’ve lived much of my life without her.”
“That’s because you love her.” I’m determined to prove love is real.
His lazy smile captures me again, his eyes full of doubt.
I wondered how different I’d be if I’d grown up without my mother. Without her warm lap, her loving hands, her no-nonsense advice that shaped who I am today. No wonder he seemed so hardened. I wondered if he truly didn’t believe in love, or if he just hadn’t felt it in so long, he forgot it existed. It made me sad.
“Just because you haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I don’t get how planes fly, but they do, right?”
“Wise words, Taylor,” he teases.
Jerk.
Colt raises his arm, inspecting his leather bracelet. The strings are ragged and thin. I can’t imagine it’ll last much longer. He rolls it between his thumb and finger, turning the bracelet around on his wrist.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have pried about your mom and everything,” I offer.
“No, it’s okay. No one ever asks me about my mom. It’s like they’re afraid to.”
I nod.
“I’d rather talk about her than pretend like she didn’t exist, like my dad does.”
The cocky, arrogant Colt of earlier who fought to protect me is gone. This Colt is softer, gentler. It’s hard to keep up with all his sides. But I like this version of him best. I like that he’s trusting me with this side of himself – one I doubt he lets very many people see.
I brave another question. It’s nice to have Colt talking and opening up for once. “What kind of cancer was it?”
He straightens the pillow under his head. “Cervical cancer.”
I’m quiet for a second, wondering why Colt is opening up to me so much. “You can sleep up here if you want.”
“Thanks,” he whispers.
“Just stay on your own side.”
“Will do. Night, Taylor.”
“Night.”
He flips off the TV, plunging us into darkness again. Underneath the warm covers, with the sound of Colt’s steady breathing next to me, I fall into a deep sleep, forgetting all about my bruised ribs, the crazy assignment gone wrong and even the kiss between me and Colt earlier, well almost.
Chapter 19
In the morning there’s an awkward moment where I struggle to remember where I am and who the brunette is next to me. Then it comes rushing back. Taylor. Our assignment. Fleeing our nice hotel for this place yesterday. I run my hands over my face. Between letting Lars get close to her and then that kiss, I’d fucked up big time.
I had no idea what I was thinking kissing her. But her big blue eyes were looking up at me, then she nuzzled into my chest, begging me to hold on to her, wanting me to protect her. With the smell of sweet vanilla, that lacy pink bra and the wanting in her eyes, I didn’t know what else to do. Something surged up inside me and I answered it the only way I knew how.
I lifted her up to me without thinking. And when my mouth touched hers the softest little feminine sound escaped her lips, driving me crazy with desire. If she made sounds like that from one simple kiss, I imagined what other sounds she would make, from surprise, from pleasure. I’d had to get out of there. Fast. I knew I hadn’t handled it the right way, but was grateful that she’d already forgotten about the kiss by the time her bath was done.
Taylor’s lying flat on her stomach, her head barely visible with a pillow over the top of it. Her legs are kicked apart, tangled in the sheets at the end of the bed. I slept on top of the blankets, needing that physical barrier between us. One of her hands is resting across my stomach. Her palm is pressed flat against me. Her hand is tiny and soft against my skin. I hold my breath when I realize what her hand is resting near. Not that I can help it, I always have one when I wake up. It’s just physiology.
Regardless, I don’t want to freak her out. I remove her small hand and lay it on the bed between us. I’m up and within a few seconds, in the bathroom for a shower.
I let the water warm up while I grab my phone. I’ve missed three calls from McAllister and have two voicemails. Fuck. I’d forgotten to call him yesterday, I’d been too wrapped up in making sure Taylor was okay.
I delete the voicemails without listening to them, and type out a quick text letting him know that Lars found us out, but we’re fine and on our way back. Then I shut my phone down, not wanting to hear what he has to say.
Testing that the water is warm, I quickly strip down and step into the shower. I close my eyes and think of that kiss again while the hot water streams down on me.
Chapter 20
On the drive back, I’m contemplating everything. My old life. My new school. The way I can finally use my computer skills to do something useful. McAllister’s shady assignments. The new friends I’ve made. The irritatingly hot Colt. I try to figure what it all adds up to. I’m still torn about if I should stay or go home.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Colt says, pulling me from my thoughts.
“You do?”
He nods, looking straight ahead at the highway. “You’re trying to figure out if you actually want to stay here. If you can do this.”
I don’t tell him that he’s right. I don’t have to.
“After the first field assignment, that’s pretty normal.”
I want to ask him if he considered leaving too, but I don’t want to give everything I’m thinking away.
“What I saw in you yesterday.” He steals a look at me. “I think you could be great at this.”
“You suck at pep talks.”
He laughs. “Yeah. They’re not my specialty. But seriously, Taylor, don’t give up yet.”