“Just be careful, Taylor, that’s all I’m saying,” her tone softens. “You’re pissing a lot of people off right now.”
“Yeah, I caught onto that. But it’s not something I’m worried about. I know what I’m doing.”
“Do you?” she questions.
My stomach churns. Hell no. I have no clue what I’m doing spending so much time with the school’s biggest manwhore. I know it will end badly, likely with my heart broken again, but I feel powerless to stop it. My silence tells her everything she needs to know.
Britt pushes past me out the door.
Damn. That was awkward. I sit on the bench, not yet ready to join the rest of the class in the much hated Zumba.
I have no idea why Colt has been spending so much time with me. Now that I thought about it, I realized how incredibly lonely his life must be. Most people see him as an instructor, so he doesn’t have many friends here. And his behavior with girls doesn’t exactly allow for a real relationship – yeah, I’m so not going to feel bad for him in that regard. I’ll talk to him today; he needs to see that this new him is effecting me by drawing enemies my way.
After Colt’s class, I linger behind, standing beside the punching bags. The room empties out, leaving just Colt and I.
“How’s that oil tanker assignment coming? Have you decided what to do?” he asks, meeting me on the side of the room.
I aim for the bag, throwing a punch that lands with a soft thud. “Not yet,” I breathe.
Colt comes up behind me, grips my hips and turns me to the side, so I’m positioned ninety degrees from the bag. My eyes fall closed at his touch, and images of the last time he touched my hips come flooding back. The way he effortlessly lifted me to the sink and leaned in to kiss me, soft at first, like he was testing what I thought, then with a rushing intensity when I kissed him back.
“Colt, stop.” I wiggle free from his hands. I let out a deep breath I didn’t know I was holding.
He steps back, holding up his hands. “Whoa. Just trying to help.”
“Well it’s not helping, okay?” I turn and face him. “I don’t know what’s going on between us. I have no idea why you come to the computer lab every day. I have no idea why you turn down other girls to spend time with me.” Everything I’m thinking spews from my mouth, against my will. Damn it.
Colt takes a step back. “Well sorry for being friendly.” His tone is soft.
Crap. Maybe I’m being too harsh. I shift my weight, leaning back on my hip. “It’s just... I had a little run in earlier. The second year girls aren’t too happy about me and you and the lack of attention you’re paying them.”
His brow creases. “Someone said something to you? Who was it?”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. Listen, I want you to go back to being the old you.” The words taste bitter in my mouth. I don’t mean it! I scream inside my head.
“What are you saying? You want me to go with them?” His eyes are pure confusion and my heart leaps into my throat.
I nod. I cannot speak.
“Oh.” He turns away from me, and runs his hands through his hair. I want to wrap my arms around his waist and tell him to stay with me, but I can’t. I can’t expect him to change, so I know this is for the best. This will end this little illusion between us before I get really hurt.
There are a million things I want to say to him, but I can’t. I press my lips together and head to the door, leaving Colt standing alone in the center of the room.
On my way into the hall, I pass by Britt and Bria. Together. Coming for him. Wow, they do not fight fair. I shudder picturing Colt with a girl on each arm. I don’t want to wait around to see him leave with them. That visual is more than I can handle.
The next morning, I arrive for training a few minutes early, but Colt is already there. We’re quiet as we go through the moves together, all business, nothing more than small talk and instruction exchanged between us. I have no idea why things suddenly feel so awkward. My goal had been to get things back to normal, not make things worse.
I’m dying to ask him about yesterday, but of course I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t care. “So…” I can’t help it, I know I need to shut my mouth, yet my curiosity wins out. “Did you have fun with Bria and Britt last night?” I offer a weak smile.
His face softens, unsure. He bites his lip, hesitating, then meets my eyes. Oh this is not going to be good. He looks like he’s about to admit to a murder. It was a just a threesome – that I pushed him into. Breathe, I remind myself.
I hold up my hand. “Never mind. Don’t answer that. I’ll use my imagination.” I laugh, but it sounds hollow, even to my ears. I turn away from him, nearly in tears.
“We didn’t. I didn’t,” Colt says in barely a whisper.
“Oh.” I turn to face him again. I want to ask why, but I hold my tongue. Our eyes stay locked on each others, communicating so much without speaking a word. I know he’s drawn to me, just like I am to him. Only I have no idea if it’s because he wants me to be another conquest or something more. I need to stop kidding myself. He isn’t capable of something more. He’s said so himself. I release a deep sigh, letting go of some of the tension I’ve felt since yesterday. Colt looks like he wants to say more, but instead we begin our lesson.
We make it through the rest of the training in silence, neither of us willing to speak what’s on our minds. A few times Colt looks at me like he wants to ask something, but stops himself.
Once training ends, I rush off toward the showers, relieved to have survived another day without saying something that will betray my true feelings for Colt. I cannot let that happen. And with our two-week summer break coming up, it seems I’ll be safe for a little while longer.
Chapter 28
I was sick. I had to be. Or dying. Hopefully dying. I’d turned down a threesome. A fucking threesome.
I throw my fist into the punching bag, slamming the bag away from me, letting a growl rip through my chest.
How can one small, argumentative girl be getting to me so much? It’s infuriating. Annoying. Sexy. Frustrating as hell. I’m fucked. Actually, that was the problem. I wasn’t. I couldn’t concentrate on other girls until I had Taylor. She was like a drug to me. I’d had one small taste and it was nowhere near enough. I was torn in between breaking all my rules about not messing around with younger girls and pursuing her whole-heartedly until she said yes. To me. To everything I wanted.
But as I’d spent more time with her, become friends with her, confided in her about my mom, I knew I couldn’t use her like that. Which made this all the more maddening. There was no way out.
I couldn’t go on acting like a pussy-whipped fool. I had to get her out of system. And I knew of only one way to do that.
My tension faded almost instantly having made that decision. Good. It was settled. I would have Taylor. Soon. Or I’d go crazy.
Chapter 29
MJ pushes up her sleeve. “I think a nice little saying or symbol. Right here.” She touches her wrist. MJ’s been talking about getting a tattoo for the past week and a half.
“Bad idea,” Logan says. “They’re permanent, in case you hadn’t heard. Whatever you like now, you’re not going to like when you’re forty.”