Realization crosses her face, and knows I’m talking about my mom. In a strange way, we both have the same fear – losing someone we love.
She wraps her arms around her knees, hugging herself. “Well then I guess we’re at a stalemate.”
I let out a frustrated growl. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”
Chapter 44
Colt is shirtless sitting on his bed looking like a sex-god, but his expression is troubled. I know he’s waiting for me to say something…but when I said I needed a minute… I really meant it.
I know I’m being unfair. How can I compare my fears over what happened with Wes to his fears. He has truly lost love – his mother’s love, his father’s love according to him – his family. Love and loss pulled them apart. It was too painful to go on living like a family after they lost her. Of course he’s broken. How can I ask him to just get over something like that?
The heart break of losing Wes lasted what…a few months? Colt lost his family – that isn’t something you get over – ever. Can I accept him…and all his issues? Can I be with him on his terms?
No. I can’t. I need more than just the physical stuff to be happy. But maybe after some negotiating…
“I could never be one of your...one nighters, Colt. I’m sorry. I just can’t.”
He laughs. The bastard actually laughs! “I know that Taylor. That’s not what I want either.”
“What do you want?” I ask in a small voice.
He pulls me closer, so we’re lying together again, my head resting against his chest. “I like hanging out with you. And I want to be able to kiss you and touch you too.”
I swallow roughly as his hand glides up the side of my neck and into my hair. “Colt, that sounds like a girlfriend.”
He shakes his head. “No…I’m not good with… the girlfriend thing. I told you that.”
“Only because you won’t let yourself be.” I prop myself up on one elbow and look down at him.
He looks deep in thought while he considers my words. “Maybe we could try something…” A mischievous smile crosses his lips and I doubt I’ll have the willpower to say no twice tonight. He runs his hand up my thigh and my breath hitches.
I blush ferociously.
“I know how much I affect you. I can see it in your eyes, the way your body responds to me.” He brings his hand up so it’s resting on my belly. I suck in another breath at the intimacy of it. “And when I touch you…I love the noises you make.”
I inhale at his choice of words. Damn, my body is totally giving me away. I blush and look down.
“Don’t.” He lifts my chin. “You do the same to me.” He places my hand over his racing heart. I look up and meet his eyes. They are soft with desire. He removes my hand from his heart and laces his fingers with mine. “You have to know the effect you have on me. I thought it was obvious.”
I take a deep breath to clear my head. “Colt, you’re probably effected like this by any girl that walks into the room.”
“Not like this.” He shakes his head slowly as if he’s in disbelief. “You do this to me, Taylor. Just you.” His voice is soft and it washes over me. “With you, it’s different. I can’t explain how, it just is. I never know what to expect with you.”
My heart squeezes tightly in my chest. “Maybe we could try some sort of compromise then?” I offer. That is so the hormones talking.
“Compromise?” He tips his head.
I imagine it’s hard for him to concentrate with all the blood rushing to a certain part of his body. I let a giggle escape.
“Tell me what you mean,” he coaxes.
“Well, some of what I want…and some of what you want.”
He smiles.
I continue, “For instance, hanging out…that’s suitable to me.”
“Me too.” He brushes the hair off my neck, and trails his fingers over my throat, grazing my collarbone, down to the edge of my shirt.
My hormones riot, silently begging his hand to continue south.
“Me touching you?” he asks, huskily.
“Yes,” I whisper. “That’s suitable.”
He grins and kisses my jaw. “Good girl.”
I suck in a deep breath, desperately trying to keep a level head. “But no sex.”
His lips freeze momentarily on my neck. Then he recovers and places another kiss, near my ear this time. “Okay.”
“And no sex with anyone else either.”
He stops his assault on my neck and meets my eyes. “No sex at all then?”
I nod smugly, feeling clever.
His jaw drops.
Crap. Maybe I’ve gone too far. I look down, staring at my hands.
He lifts my chin and kisses me swiftly. “You either then.”
Now I’m the one with my mouth hanging open. He uses my position to his advantage and leans forward, running his tongue along my bottom lip. “Any more rules?” His mouth still rests against mine.
“Just one.”
He pulls back just a bit.
I feel kind of dumb at this last one, maybe I’m crossing the line into girlfriend territory even asking, but knowing it’s what I want, I press on. “Dates. I like you taking me out.” I look down. I know I like it because it makes me feel different and special. MJ said he never dated before me. I like that this applies only to me.
“No.” He shakes his head, his expression firm.
“No?” My stomach drops. I guess he wants to keep this as far from a real relationship as possible. That thought hurts.
“I do want to take you out, but not because it’s part of some agreement. So can we just leave that out of this? You just have to trust me.”
I nod eagerly, suddenly at a loss for words.
He leans in to kiss me again while my head swims with what we’ve just agreed to.
Chapter 45
It doesn’t matter how I feel about Taylor. Our days are numbered, because once she discovers McAllister is my father, she’ll split. And even though I know I should tell her, I’m not ready for this to end when things are just getting good between us.
Our compromise, as she calls it is working amazingly well. The last week has been incredible. She’s still on her mission to get to the bottom of McAllister’s motivation to crash the tanker, but she also lets me distract her with…playtime, as she calls it. We hang out at night in my room, where we cuddle, give each other massages, play games and take things slow.
Today we’re sitting in the common room, which is thankfully empty watching a movie. Taylor is wrapped in my arms, leaning against my chest. I haven’t been paying attention to the movie for the last fifteen minutes. Instead I’m enjoying just holding her. Something I never thought I’d feel. But then again, she does provoke all kinds of new feelings inside of me.
I notice things about her that I guess I’ve never taken the time to notice with other girls. Like the way her shampoo smells, her contoured ankle bones, her cute earlobes, and the collar bone framing her chest. I run my hand up the back of her neck, into her hair. “You’re so soft,” I whisper, kneading her neck.
She grins at my distraction from the movie. “You’re not watching this at all, are you?”
“Nope.” I kiss the side of her neck. “You’re too distracting.”
She laughs. “I don’t see how, I’m just sitting here.”
“Just trust me.”
“I do,” she says meeting my eyes.
Those blue eyes stir something inside of me. She shouldn’t trust me. I push the thought away, and lean in to kiss her.
Taylor turns off the movie and a few minutes later, she’s straddling me on the couch, kissing me hungrily, making those soft groans and gasps I love.