I can feel her heart beating against my chest, its steady thrumming insistent and certain. I love how alive I feel with her. Her softness, and the fact that this is all still new for her makes me want to be careful with her, to take my time, which is something I’ve never felt before.
She kisses me deeply, and works her hands under my shirt, running them along my chest. Okay, forget taking my time. I pull her closer into my lap, my jeans straining between us.
The door flies open and Taylor leaps off my lap, straightening her shirt.
I turn back to glare at whoever the hell just interrupted us.
It’s MJ, grinning like a damn fool. “Well it’s about fucking time,” MJ says, chuckling to herself.
I shoot MJ a look, imploring her to leave. She exits the room with a huge grin on her face. Taylor blushes, smoothing down her hair, and pulls away from me on the couch.
Playtime is over. Damn.
“Don’t go. MJ saw us, so what?” I kiss her hand.
She smiles lightly. “I have homework I should be doing anyways.” She squeezes my hand. “Later?”
“Later,” I confirm.
Chapter 46
Later finally arrives, and I’m back in Colt’s room. My nightly solace from the horrifying truth of my last assignment.
I’m still racked with guilt over the oil spill, the baby seals I see on TV covered in the sticky soot, the huge ship resting unnaturally on its side against the reef, and the millions of gallons of black oil lapping at the once pristine shoreline.
But with each day that’s passed since the disaster, my fear that I’ll be discovered and removed from class in handcuffs has subsided. And Colt has been the best distraction I could have hoped for. I wish he could see our compromise for what it is, but I know I can’t rush him. And regardless of whatever label we’ve placed on our non-relationship, I am incredibly grateful for him. I wouldn’t be coping nearly as well if it weren’t for Colt.
But I am far from okay with how things are. I still want Colt’s realization at what we have, and of course I still want revenge on McAllister too.
I take a deep breath, willing myself to be brave. “Colt?”
“Hm?” He’s absently massaging my hand, tracing the lifeline over and over with his fingertip.
“I want to talk about our compromise.”
He straightens and looks at me.
“What about it? You don’t like how things are going?”
I shake my head. “It’s not that.” It’s the opposite in fact.
He smiles, relaxing into me once again. “Then what is it, baby?”
His nickname for me always makes me smile. “It’s just that, I am enjoying it…but I think I could enjoy it more if I knew where we stood. What we… are.”
Crap. I totally sound like the high school girl that I am. But it’s too late. Colt’s brow creases with understanding. “I’m listening…what did you have in mind?”
I look at him, my eyes sparking with hope. “So I’ve been thinking lately…” I take my time, not wanting to rush this.
His eyes are bright and beautiful and he’s watching me again.
“What we have, what we’re doing…what’s the difference between this and a real relationship?”
He’s quiet for a few moments and my heart pounds in my chest. I have no idea if he’s going to push me away or if he’s realizing what I’m saying is true.
He brings his hand to my face, and softly strokes my cheek with the back of his knuckles. “Okay,” he whispers, nuzzling into my neck.
“Okay?”
“I’ve been thinking about it too,” he says.
“Oh really?” I tease.
“Yes, I was thinking that the, uh, girlfriend thing – I might like to try that. With you.”
My heart flips and does a somersault. “Really?” Holy God, Colt wants me. Me!
He smiles and takes my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. “Would that make you happy, baby?”
I smile. “I think that could be good.” I try my best to play it cool, but in my mind, I’m twirling in full happy dance mode.
“But?” he prompts, tilting his head at my hesitation.
“But there are probably a few things we need to talk about first.”
Chapter 47
I wait anxiously for Taylor to say something, anything. I’ve just put myself out there, but she presses her lips together, being coy. Then she takes my hand and pulls me down to the bed with her. This is getting interesting.
“I want to…but I’m scared.”
I’m an idiot. Of course she’s scared. This is all new for her.
I take her hand, running my thumb across her knuckles. “No. Don’t be. I promise to be gentle, and we won’t do anything you’re not ready for. Until you’re sure, okay?”
Her lips twist into a smile. “No, I’m not scared of that…”
I tilt my head. Well now I’m thoroughly confused. “Wait. So you’re not a virgin?”
She pulls her hand out of mine. “No. Is that a problem?”
“Of course not. I just thought…”
She swallows, looking unsure. “My ex-boyfriend, Wes.” She looks down as though she’s afraid to admit it.
“Shhh.” I take her hand again. “That doesn’t matter to me. Tell me why you’re scared.”
She settles back, leaning against the pillows, visibly relieved at my reaction. She lets me take her hand and lace my fingers with hers again. But I don’t like the way she studies our hands together, like she’s looking for flaws.
“Everyone seems to think the only reason you haven’t moved on to another girl is because we haven’t, uh, messed around yet. And I’m scared that if we do, you’ll get bored of me…and… I don’t want to lose you.”
“No.” I shake my head, pulling her close, tucking her against my chest.
“No? Just no?” Her voice is questioning, sarcastic.
It makes me smile.
“Care to elaborate?” she asks.
“It’s not like that with you, Taylor. I want you, trust me, more than anything, but that’s not all I want. I like hanging out with you, I like the way you want to train with me, how tough you are. You’re beautiful, smart and sassy as hell, and I love all of it.”
Love? Did I just say love? That came out of nowhere.
“Thank you,” she says against my neck. “If you want to do this…this girlfriend thing, as you call it…we’ll need to take it slow.”
“Okay.” I nod. “I can do slow.”
“Are you sure?” She sounds skeptical.
“No. But I’ll try.” How hard can it be?
The air hangs between us, charged with a new energy, raw and radiating intensity. I like the idea that she’s mine. “So you’ll be with me then?”
She nods.
I pull back and look at her. I bring my hand up and carefully touch her mouth. At my touch, she parts her lips and draws in a breath. She blushes at my attention, her eyes falling closed.
I love the effect I have on her. Fuck, there’s that word again. Love. I ignore it. “These pretty, full lips are mine now.”
Her eyes fly open, studying me. I hold my breath, hoping I haven’t pushed her away with that admission.
She takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. “Even though I’ve done it before, I need you to know that I won’t be ready for sex for a while…okay?”
I nod. “Baby, I told you, that’s fine.” I do my best to reassure her, but my body is on edge with want for her. I take a deep breath, calming myself.