“It was all I had. All I had!” He had to pause to take a breath, and I rushed into that small silence.
“I’m sorry.” I said it fast before he could catch his breath.
“I don’t know why I keep hoping…” He hesitated, stopped, then turned to me slowly. “What did you say?”
“I said, I’m sorry.”
His face softened for a second, then hardened, and he narrowed his eyes at me. He looked positively suspicious. “What exactly are you sorry about?”
“I’m sorry you’re upset.”
“Oh.” And he was off again, ranting.
I touched his arm, and he didn’t jerk away this time, but he kept listing all the things I wouldn’t do for him, or with him. It might have been embarrassing if I hadn’t been more worried about stopping the fight than almost anything else. “You have to go to work tonight,”
I said.
That stopped him, because I think it made no sense with his train of grievances. “What? Yes, what about it?”
“If you didn’t have to work tonight, I’d take you into the bedroom now and mark you, if that’s what you wanted.”
He pulled away again. “I don’t want you to do it just because I’m mad. I want you to do it because you want to, because you’d enjoy it, too.”
God, he could be so demanding. I actually had to stop and count slowly in my head, because this whole dominant-submission thing hit my buttons badly. I’d done enough research to understand that the world of dom and sub was a lot bigger and more varied than I’d believed.
That there were people out there that considered my love of nails and teeth during foreplay and sex to be perverted. That they considered even that bondage. I liked teeth and nails during foreplay and sex, I really did. It wasn’t pretend, and it wasn’t just for Nathaniel’s sake. Once I thought it through to that point, I wasn’t angry with him. I wasn’t mad about what he wanted; I was uncomfortable because I enjoyed it. I knew that now, and I embraced it all the way through my head. Well, I wasn’t quite there yet.
I tried for honesty with him and myself. “I’d love the feel of your neck under my teeth. I’d love to sink my mouth around all the meaty parts of you and bite down until I was afraid I’d hurt you.” I felt heat rush up my face, and I had to close my eyes to finish it. “I loved the feel of you in my mouth. I loved marking you, but I wasn’t ready to admit it. And it still makes me uncomfortable, but it’s not because it’s you, it’s because it just seems so… so, I don’t know…”
“Perverted,” Gregory suggested.
I opened my eyes to glare at him. “Don’t help me, Gregory, okay?”
“Sorry.”
“Do you mean what you just said?” Nathaniel asked, and his voice was oddly empty, as if he were trying very hard not to be angry or hopeful.
I met his face, and even his eyes were being careful. I hated to see him managing me that hard, as if he were afraid if he appeared too eager I’d run. Problem was, he might have been right. I realized I’d been doing my own version of what Richard was doing. I wasn’t running from as much of myself as he was, but if I hadn’t had theardeur to push me, I might have been. If I could have pretended as cleanly as Richard could, I would have. That I could at least admit to myself.
Theardeur had made that impossible. But this wasn’t about theardeur.
This was about Nathaniel and me, and the happy little domestic arrangement that we had.
I’d waited too long to answer. Nathaniel’s eyes filled with such sorrow, and he turned away. Oh, hell. I grabbed his face between my hands and went up on tiptoes to make up for that three-inch height difference. I’d startled him so that he stumbled back into the cabinets. I plastered myself against the front of his body and kissed him. I kissed him as if I were eating him. I set my teeth into that lovely lower lip and bit down, not enough to mark, but enough to draw a small sound from his throat. I leaned back from the kiss enough to see his eyes wide and unfocused. His hands gripped the cabinet behind him so tight, they were mottled. It was almost as if he was afraid he’d fall.
I was breathing a little hard myself. My voice was shaky when I said, “That wasn’t metaphysical shit. That was just me, just you.”
His eyes closed, and a shudder ran through him from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. He swayed, and if I hadn’t caught him around the waist, I think he’d have fallen. His arms slid around me, and he laid his head on my shoulder. He hadn’t exactly fainted, but he was limp in my arms. I realized, he was totally passive. I knew in that moment I could do anything I wanted to him. The thought didn’t excite me, it scared me. I had enough trouble running my own life, I didn’t want someone else’s. But I kept my doubts to myself. He had enough of his own without me sharing.
“You promise,” he whispered, “promise you’ll mark me tonight.”
He’d said the P word. Shit. “I promise,” I whispered it into the vanilla warmth of his hair.
He drew a deep breath that moved his bare chest up and down along my clothed one. My body reacted to it, whether I wanted it to or not.
Nipples hardening from the brush of him.
He drew back enough to see my face, and the look in his eyes was all male, and brought heat in a rush up my face. It sped my pulse in my throat. He was submissive, but underneath all that was something that could have been very dangerous, and it was there in his eyes now, that promise of disaster.
“Come to the club tonight, see my act, please.”
I shook my head. “I work tonight.”
“Please.” The please was more than just a word, it filled his eyes. He wanted me to see him on stage, surrounded by screaming fans.
Maybe he wanted to impress on me that even if I didn’t want him, others did. I guess I’d earned having my face rubbed in it.
“What time do you go on?”
He told me.
“I can catch some of it, but probably not all of it.”
He kissed me, hard and strangely chaste, and bounced toward the door. “I’ll need to see if my costume is ready for tonight.” He turned at the door with that eager look still on his face. “What if I turn furry, will you still mark me?”
“I don’t do furry,” I said.
He poked his lip out at me, like a spoiled child.
“You are so damn pushy, you do know that, right?”
He smiled.
“I don’t do furry.”
“But if I’m not furry, you’ll do it?” Something about the way he asked it made me suspicious, but I nodded.
“Yes.”
He vanished into the dimness of the living room. “I’ll see you tonight at the club.”
I yelled after him. “If there’s another murder, all bets are off.
Murder takes precedence over watching my boyfriend strip.” There was that word again, boyfriend.
I heard Nathaniel’s laugh trail down the stairs. It reminded me of another man in my life, who’d left me with a laugh this morning. I was just amusing the hell out of everybody today.
27
Micah’s kiss was still warm on my lips when Ronnie rang the doorbell. Having had no sleep last night was finally catching up with Micah, so he’d gone to bed. Besides, Ronnie wouldn’t want an audience.
She was eyeing the door as I dragged it open. “What happened here?”
I tried to think of a short version, couldn’t come up with one, and said, “Let’s get coffee first.”
Her eyebrows went up, but it was all I could see of her eyes behind the dark sunglasses. She shrugged. She was wearing the brown leather jacket that had become her latest favorite coat. She had it zipped up more than halfway and a cable-knit sweater peeked out from under it.
I hid my frown. It had to be seventy outside. I eased the door back into its frame. “Is it cold outside, or am I missing something?”
Her shoulders hunched. “I’ve been cold since I left the wedding last night. I just can’t seem to get warm.”
I did not remark that most shapeshifters have a slightly higher body temperature than we mere humans, and that maybe the warmth she was missing went by the name of Louie. I didn’t say it, because it would have been too obvious, and too cruel.