He sat on the bed, watching me pace back and forth. “What’s wrong?”
Nervously I reached up to twist the ends of my hair, and once I noticed his worried look, I dropped my hands to my sides and clutched the fabric of my shorts.
“I have a story to tell you, and I’m not sure how you’re going to react.” He opened his mouth to speak, but I stopped him. “Please, let me get this out.”
“You can tell me anything, Lucy.”
“Okay.” Here goes. “You’ve asked me about my family and I’ve skirted around the issue, but I can’t do that anymore. As much as it hurts, I want to talk about it.”
Drake’s lips pressed together, but the tenderness in his eyes gave me courage.
“When I was in high school, I met a boy at a party the end of my sophomore year. We didn’t go to the same school, but he played football with some of my friends, so he was there. His name was Greg Madison. Anyway, he and I hit it off and we began seeing each other. This went on all summer. My best friend’s mom knew about us and told my parents, who flipped out because he was from the wrong side of the tracks, so to speak.”
I glanced at Drake, who was listening intently, so I pushed ahead.
“My father was a prominent businessman, so my parents were well off. They had a reputation to uphold, and when their only daughter decided she liked a boy from the poor side of town, that didn’t sit well. Anyway, I didn’t care what they or anyone else thought, so I’d sneak out to meet Greg. I was fifteen and he was eighteen when we met. He was my first love, and my first . . .” I stopped, my heart breaking a bit with each word.
Finally, I sucked in a deep breath and looked into the eyes of the man I loved, and said, “I got pregnant.”
Drake’s eyes widened, and he sucked in a sharp breath. Seeing his reaction hurt more than what happened back then.
“Lucy,” he said, but I held up a hand.
“Please. I need to finish,” I said, and he nodded.
“By the end of the summer, I couldn’t hide it anymore. My mom thought I had the flu because I was constantly sick, and she wanted to take me to the doctor. I knew I needed to tell my parents, but I was terrified.”
My eyes filled with tears, but I choked them back.
“Greg wanted to come with me when I told them, but I couldn’t let him. I didn’t know how my father would react, and I knew my mother would blame him for everything. It wasn’t as if we planned for this to happen. We used a condom, but I guess it failed. We were only together once, but apparently that was enough.”
I stopped my pacing and knelt down in front of Drake. With my trembling hands on his knees, I looked into his eyes.
“My father was at a business meeting, so I decided to tell my mom without him there. She didn’t take the news very well. In fact, she was furious, not only with me, but with Greg. When Mom asked me how old he was, I told her the truth, that he’d just turned nineteen. For some reason, I thought because Greg was an adult in the eyes of the law, he would seem more responsible. But it backfired on me.”
“Did she hurt you, Lucy?” Drake’s expression was compassionate as he stroked my cheek with his thumb.
“Not in the way you might think, but yes. My mother asked when this happened, and I told her it was when we went out for Greg’s birthday, which was a day before mine. She remembered that night because I was supposed to go with them to an awards dinner for my dad, but I said I wanted to go out with my friends. Then my mom’s face lit up with a strange smile, and she said Greg raped me. I was shocked that she’d say that, because it wasn’t true, and I argued with her. She reminded me that they’d wanted to celebrate my dad’s award and my birthday together, but I’d told her we could do it on my actual birthday, which was the day after.”
“So you were a minor and he was an adult.” Drake’s voice was tight, and his eyes had lost their sparkle.
“Yes, I was only fifteen when we had sex, one day shy of being legal in the eyes of the law. My mom picked up the phone and said she was going to call the police. I didn’t know what to do, so I panicked. Then Mom said something I never thought I’d hear in my lifetime.”
My eyes welled with tears, and I didn’t know if I could continue, but knew I had to.
“What did she say, Lucy?”
My voice was barely audible, and it took me two tries to get it out. “She . . . she said if I terminated the pregnancy, she wouldn’t press charges against Greg.”
I averted my eyes, unable to look at Drake. He was pro-life and so was I.
“I argued and argued with her, but my mom wouldn’t budge. I told her I loved him, and we were going to make it work. He was enlisting in the Army, and I was going to finish as much school as I could, either get my GED or try to graduate early, and then move to wherever he was. But that didn’t happen.”
My hand went to my stomach in a protective gesture, just as it did back then. “She told me that wasn’t an option. I was an embarrassment to our family, and there was no way I could have a baby at sixteen. That’s when my dad came home. He took one look at us, and my mother started to cry as she explained everything. I’ll never forget it. I’d never seen my dad so disappointed. He didn’t say much except that I needed to listen to my mother, and if I didn’t, he’d be calling his friend in the DA’s office. But I wanted our child.”
Drake pulled me into his arms, but I gently pushed away from him.
“Lucy, let me help you. Did you put the child up for adoption? Is that what happened? I’ll help you see him or her, if that’s what you want.”
I looked up at him, my heart breaking. “My mother wasn’t bluffing. The next day, she gave me the option to either go with her to the clinic or to the police department. I didn’t know what to do; I was so terrified. She took my phone from me, so I couldn’t call Greg.”
Tears were now flowing freely down my face, and I didn’t bother wiping them away. My voice hitched.
“I went online and looked at the laws, and she was right. Because he’d just turned nineteen and I was hours away from being sixteen, it was illegal, and he could go to jail. It broke my heart, but I couldn’t ruin Greg’s life.”
Drake’s face paled, and I knew this was it. Terror struck my soul. So I leaned in and kissed him, knowing it could be the last time our lips met, the last time I’d be able to taste him. Maybe it was unfair of me to do, but I needed it.
When I pulled back from the kiss, I looked into his worried eyes. “I’m so sorry, Drake. I had an abortion.”
His face fell, and suddenly my eyes weren’t the only ones filled with tears. I was sure we’d never recover from this.
Drake stared at me and I went to hug him, but he quickly stood and lowered his head, not allowing me to embrace him.
“I’m sorry you went through this, Lucy, but did you contact a lawyer yourself?” he asked, and I shook my head. “What about this guy, Greg?” Frown lines bracketed his mouth, and the dimples I loved were nowhere to be seen.
“I wasn’t able to talk to him until after. Like I said, my mom took my phone away from me.” I sniffed, trying to regain my composure, but I was a mess. “Plus, he had a future ahead of him. I knew he’d tell me not to do it and he’d take whatever punishment he had coming to him, but I just couldn’t. So I broke up with him, and he went to basic training.”
Drake’s voice was tight when he asked, “Do you still love him?”
“In a way, I think I’ll always love him, but it was young love. It’s not like how I feel now.”
My heart screamed at me to tell Drake I loved him, but now didn’t seem like the right time. Not after all I’d just hit him with.
“Where is he?”
“He died. Well, he went missing after he was deployed to the Middle East, and that’s the last I heard of him, and the last time I saw my parents. But I have more to tell you.”
Drake was leaning against the door with his arms crossed. His body language was so closed off, all I could think of was that he wanted to escape and get away from me.