He spooled out an extra-long strip of tape, using his teeth to tear it, letting the roll drop to the floor. "Never did," he told her, wrapping the tape around her chest and upper arms, fixing her back flat to the chair. "She said she liked doing that stuff. Made her feel like she was taking care of me."
"You never went to the grocery store?" Sara asked. Something Jeffrey had told her the night before clicked into place, and she felt an eerie sort of calmness spread over her.
He looked around for the tape. "Damn," he said, wincing as he knelt down in front of the bed. He put his hand to his stomach where he had been shot. "Rolled under the bed," he told her, bracing his hand against the mattress as he bent to retrieve the tape.
"You never went to the store for her?" Sara repeated, watching him kneel in front of the bed. His hand was still on the mattress, and in her mind she saw the bloody outline around Luke Swan's hand on the bed.
"Never went to the store," he assured her, sitting back up, breathing heavily. "Shit, that hurt."
Despite the fact that she could not move, Sara suddenly felt herself gaining some control over the situation. "Did she drive your truck much?"
"That's a funny question," he said, but still answered, "Yeah. She hated to, but if I parked behind her in the driveway, it was easier than backing them both out."
Sara strained her wrist against the tape, trying to see if there was any give, saying, "It wasn't you who went out to the store that night, was it, Robert? It was Jessie. She went in your truck."
He stretched out another long piece of tape. He would not look at her, and instinctively she knew that he wanted her to continue.
"The night Luke was shot," she said, almost dreading his answer. "Sunday. Was Jessie in your truck on Sunday?"
The strip was too long and the tape had folded on itself. He tried to pick it apart. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Jessie was in your truck," Sara told him, more sure of herself now. "She went to the grocery store that night. There was milk and juice in your refrigerator. I saw the grocery list in your truck."
He continued to pick at the tape as if it could be saved.
"If it was Jessie who went to the store, then it was Jessie who came home. You told the truth, but you swapped things around. It was Jessie who came home, and it was you -" She stopped, astonished. "It was you in the bedroom," she said. "You were with Luke Swan, not Jessie."
Robert gave a forced laugh, giving up on the strip of tape and wadding it into a ball.
Sara continued to press, still certain of what had happened. "You were on the floor, kneeling in front of the bed."
"Maybe one will be enough," he said, picking up the roll of tape.
"Was Luke behind you when he was shot?"
He tore off a four-inch strip. "I'm going to have to cover your mouth."
She fought back her fear, needing to know the truth. "Just tell me what happened, Robert. You didn't kill him. I know you didn't kill him. Was it Jessie? Did she find you? Robert, you have to tell someone. You can't just leave it like this."
He started to put the tape over her mouth, but stopped at the last minute. Sara stared at him as he tried again, but something would not let Robert cover her mouth.
He walked back a few steps, sitting on the bed with obvious discomfort. He held the tape in his hands, cradling it like he was afraid it would explode.
Sara forced herself to speak gently, not knowing how far she could push him. She asked, "You were with Luke that night, weren't you?"
Robert stared at his hands, his silence enough of an answer to keep her going.
"Did Jessie know before that night?" She paused, then asked, "Robert?"
He slowly shook his head. "I tried so hard with her," he finally said. "She was the only woman in the world I thought I could be a husband to." He looked out the window into the backyard. Sara wondered if he was thinking of family barbecues and picnics, playing catch with the son he could never have. "She was supposed to be gone for a while," Robert continued. "Said she was going to her mama's, then to the grocery store, like she did every Sunday night."
"What happened?"
"She got into a fight with her mama." He let out a weary sigh. "She came home early, had time enough to put up all the groceries. Some kind of cop I am, huh? Didn't even hear her in the kitchen."
"Did she walk in on you?"
"She thought I was still over at Possum's watching the game."
"Did she walk in on you?" Sara repeated.
"I kept it hidden," he said, still not answering her question. "I kept it hidden for all these years." He rubbed his eyes with his fingers. "I made a deal with God. I promised Him I wouldn't do it anymore if He would give Jessie a baby." He dropped his hand. "That's all we needed, see, was to be a family. I would've been a good father."
Obviously, he expected some sort of confirmation, because he looked away when Sara would not give it. "God just knew better than to let it happen. Maybe He knew I couldn't hold up my end of the bargain."
"God doesn't make those kinds of deals."
"No," he said. "Not for men like me."
"Being gay doesn't make you a bad person."
He winced at the word.
Sara strained her leg against the tape, trying to see if there was any chance of escape.
"Everything I did with her turned to poison," he said. Inexplicably, a genuine smile came to his lips. "You know what it's like to be in love for the first time in your life?"
Sara did not answer.
"Dan Phillips," he said. "Damn, but he was beautiful. I know you wouldn't think a boy could be that way, but he had these baby-blue eyes that…" He put his hand to his mouth, then dropped it. "Does that make you sick to hear?"
"No."
"It made me sick," he said. "Julia caught us behind the gym. Hell, I never took any of her favors. Dan, neither. We didn't know that was where she met boys." He gave a harsh laugh. "It was our first time. First and last."
"What did she do?"
"Screamed to high fucking hell," he said. "I've never felt so ashamed in my life. Threw up for the next week, just thinking about how she looked at us. Like we were filth. Hell, we were filth. Dan ran off. Just left town. Couldn't take seeing my face anymore."
"Is that why you killed her?"
He looked wounded, as if she had insulted him. "If that's what you want to think, go ahead."
"I want to know the truth."
He stared at her for a beat. "No." he said. "I didn't kill her. For a while, I thought Jeffrey might have, but…" He shook his head. "Jeffrey didn't do it. There's probably a long list of men in this town who hated her for one reason or another, but he's not like that."
"You didn't rape her, either."
"No. That was just her way of torturing me, spreading that damn rumor. She thought I'd say what I was, try to defend myself by letting everybody know." His face turned into a scowl. "Like I'd do that. I'd rather die than let anybody know."
Sara had to ask. "And Jeffrey?"
"She thought I'd take up for him. Some friend I was, huh? Let people think Jeffrey raped her just to hide my secret." He paused, making sure she was listening. "I told you, Sara. I would rather die than have it get out."
He looked her in the eye when he said this, and Sara understood the threat.
She had to keep him talking. "Is that why you took the blame for shooting Luke?"
Robert stared at her, silent. "It was the same thing all over again."
"What was?"
"He knew," he said. "Takes one to know one, I guess."
"Luke?"
"I had him in the back of my car one night. Picked him up on a loitering charge down by the bowling alley." Robert looked out the window again. "He was cold, so I gave him my jacket. One thing led to another. I don't even really remember how it happened…just that it felt so good, and then the next day, it felt so horrible."
Sara could see the anguish on his face, and despite the situation, she found herself feeling sorry for him.