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I didn’t answer him, but stood up and took his hand. Hand-in-hand, like five-year-olds, we walked into the bedroom. Ralph carefully helped me out of my dress and gently stroked my puffy arms. I unbuttoned his shirt. He took off his clothes and we climbed into the bed. I’d been afraid that I might have to help him along; recently divorced men sometimes have problems because they feel very insecure. Fortunately he didn’t, because I was too tired to help anyone. My last memory was of his breath expelling loudly, and then I was asleep.

7

A Little Help from a Friend

When I woke up, the room was full of the soft light of late morning, diffused through my heavy bedroom curtains. I was alone in the bed and lay still to collect my thoughts. Gradually the memory of yesterday’s events returned, and I moved my head cautiously to look at the bedside clock. My neck was very stiff, and I had to turn my whole body to see the time-11:30. I sat up. My stomach muscles were all right, but my thighs and calves were sore, and it was painful to stand upright. I did a slow shuffle to the bathroom, the kind you do the day after you run five miles when you haven’t been out for a couple of months, and turned the hot water in the tub on full blast.

Ralph called to me from the living room. “Good morning,” I called back. “If you want to talk to me, you’ll have to come here-I’m not walking any farther.” Ralph came into the bathroom, fully dressed, and joined me while I gloomily studied my face in the mirror over the sink. My incipient black eye had turned a deep blackish-purple, streaked with yellow and green. My uninjured left eye was bloodshot. My jaw had turned gray. The whole effect was unappealing.

Ralph seemed to share my feeling. I was watching his face in the mirror; he seemed a little disgusted. My bet was that Dorothy had never come home with a black eye-suburban life is so dull.

“Do you do this kind of thing often?” Ralph asked.

“You mean scrutinize my body, or what?” I asked.

He moved his hands vaguely. “The fighting,” he said.

“Not as much as I did as a child. I grew up on the South Side. Ninetieth and Commercial, if you know the area-lots of Polish steelworkers who didn’t welcome racial and ethnic newcomers-and the feeling was mutual. The law of the jungle ruled in my high school-if you couldn’t swing a mean toe or fist, you might as well forget it.”

I turned from the mirror. Ralph was shaking his head, but he was trying to understand, trying not to back away. “It’s a different world,” he said slowly. “I grew up in Libertyville, and I don’t think I was ever in a real fight. And if my sister had come home with a black eye, my mother would have been hysterical for a month. Didn’t your folks mind?”

“Oh, my mother hated it, but she died when I was fifteen, and my dad was thankful that I could take care of myself.” That was true-Gabriella had hated violence. But she was a fighter, and I got my scrappiness from her, not from my big, even-tempered father.

“Did all the girls in your school fight?” Ralph wanted to know.

I climbed into the hot water while I considered this. “No, some of them just got scared off. And some got themselves boyfriends to protect them. The rest of us learned to protect ourselves. One girl I went to school with still loves to fight-she’s a gorgeous redhead, and she loves going to bars and punching out guys who try to pick her up. Truly amazing.”

I sank back in the water and covered my face and neck with hot wet cloths. Ralph was quiet for a minute, then said, “I’ll make some coffee if you’ll tell me the secret-I couldn’t find any. And I didn’t know whether you were saving those dishes for Christmas, so I washed them.”

I uncovered my mouth but kept the cloth over my eyes. I’d forgotten the goddamn dishes yesterday when I left the house. “Thanks.” What else could I say? “Coffee’s in the freezer-whole beans. Use a tablespoon per cup. The grinder’s by the stove-electric gadget. Filters are in the cupboard right over it, and the pot is still in the sink-unless you washed it.”

He leaned over to kiss me, then went out. I reheated the washcloth and flexed my legs in the steamy water. After a while they moved easily, so I was confident they would be fine in a few days. Before Ralph returned with the coffee, I had soaked much of the stiffness out of my joints. I climbed out of the tub and enveloped myself in a large blue bath towel and walked-with much less difficulty-to the living room.

Ralph came in with the coffee. He admired my robe, but couldn’t quite look me in the face. “The weather’s broken,” he remarked. “I went out to get a paper and it’s a beautiful day-clear and cool. Want to drive out to the Indiana Dunes?”

I started to shake my head, but the pain stopped me. “No. It sounds lovely, but I’ve got some work to do.”

“Come on, Vic,” Ralph protested. “Let the police handle this. You’re in rotten shape-you need to take the day off.”

“You could be right,” I said, trying to keep down my anger. “But I thought we went through all that last-night. At any rate, I’m not taking the day off.”

“Well, how about some company. Need someone to drive you?”

I studied Ralph’s face, but all I saw was friendly concern. Was he just having an attack of male protectiveness, or did he have some special reason for wanting me to stay off the job? As a companion he’d be able to keep tabs on my errands. And report them to Earl Smeissen?

“I’m going to Winnetka to talk to Peter Thayer’s father. Since he’s a neighbor of your boss, I’m not sure it would look too good for you to come along.”

“Probably not,” he agreed. “Why do you have to see him?”

“It’s like the man said about Annapurna, Ralph: because he’s there.” There were a couple of other things I needed to do, too, things I’d just as soon be alone for.

“How about dinner tonight?” he suggested.

“Ralph, for heaven’s sake, you’re beginning to act like a Seeing Eye dog. No. No dinner tonight. You’re sweet, I appreciate it, but I want some time to myself.”

“Okay, okay,” he grumbled. “Just trying to be friendly.”

I stood up and walked painfully over to the couch where he was sitting. “ I know.” I put an arm around him and gave him a kiss. “I’m just trying to be unfriendly.” He pulled me onto his lap. The dissatisfaction smoothed out of his face and he kissed me.

After a few minutes I pulled myself gently away and hobbled back to the bedroom to get dressed. The navy silk was lying over a chair, with a couple of rents in it and a fair amount of blood and dirt. My cleaner could probably fix it up, but I didn’t think I’d ever care to wear it again. I threw it out and put on my green linen slacks with a pale-lemon shirt and a jacket. Perfect for suburbia. I decided not to worry about my face. It would look even more garish with makeup in sunlight than as it was.

I fixed myself Cream of Wheat while Ralph ate toast and jam. “Well,” I said, “time to head for suburbia.”

Ralph walked downstairs with me, trying to hold out a supporting hand. “No, thanks,” I said. “I’d better get used to doing this by myself.” At the bottom he won points by not lingering over his good-byes. We kissed briefly; he sketched a cheerful wave and crossed the street to his car. I watched him out of sight, then hailed a passing cab.

The driver dropped me on Sheffield north of Addison, a neighborhood more decayed than mine, largely Puerto Rican. I rang Lotty Herschel’s bell and was relieved when she answered it. “Who’s there?” she squawked through the intercom. “It’s me. Vic,” I said, and pushed the front door while the buzzer sounded.

Lotty lived on the second floor. She was waiting for me in the doorway when I made it to the top of the stairs. “My dear Vic-what on earth is wrong with you?” she greeted me, her thick black eyebrows soaring to punctuate her astonishment.