Harold Jaffe
Induced Coma
Terrorism is the war of the poor
War is the terrorism of the rich
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Gratitude to Andy O’Clancy and KM Seehaus for reading my manuscript and making suggestions.
Induced Coma
is increasingly common in medical procedures.
Patients lapsing back to real time claim it’s a sweet space.
Coma-land.
Parallel world, noiseless, zero technology.
You can hang there for a long time like Jesus without nails.
But isn’t this coma-land of yours just a degraded version of Nirvana?
Absolutely.
Raw Steak
A female was detained after hitting a male in the face with raw steak.
She hit him with raw steak after he refused sliced bread.
The male said he wanted a bread roll.
The female admitted hitting him with raw steak, saying she did it “so he could learn.”
Triage
As his wife screamed desperately in murky river water, the frantic New Zealander abandoned a bid to rescue his 9-year-old son to rescue his wife.
The New Zealander’s son drowned but he managed to save his wife after her car had plunged into the Whanganui river in dense fog.
Silicon
A Korean couple allowed their biological child to starve to death because of their addiction to rearing a virtual child in a “Second-Lifestyle” game online called Silicon.
They would feed their unnamed three-month-old baby only when not at 12-hour online sessions, obsessed with raising their internet child, called Kim.
Freeze-Dry
Doctors are attempting to freeze-dry a severely disabled girl, 9-years-old, to keep her child-size at her parents’ request.
Born with static encephalopathy, she cannot walk or talk and has the mental capacity of a month-old infant.
Watch the child twist her mouth grotesquely and emit animal noises. [Video]
Gangsta
A 4-year old is nabbed for indecent exposure and a 6-year-old is arrested for armed robbery, as the lawlessness spreads.
Recent statistics include a child of 5 assaulting a nun and a pair of stoned, pierced 9-year-olds driving stolen buses.
Obtained under the Freedom of Information Act, 1753-and-a-half crimes a year are committed by “under 10s,” with the real figure thought to be much higher.
An expert laid the blame squarely on parents and pre-school teachers: “Kids run amok because they have never been taught what is acceptable behavior. The adult world has failed them.”
Australian Boys
are more violent than American boys.
976 males aged 12 to 16 in Melbourne and Philadelphia were asked if in the previous year they’d attacked someone with the idea of doing serious harm.
16.8 percent of Aussie boys said they had, compared with 13.3 percent of the Philly boys.
Doctors Amputated
the healthy leg of an 83-year-old man, then, realizing their error, amputated his healthy arms.
Finally, they came to their senses & amputated his diseased leg.
“I was shocked when I raised the sheets & saw they had taken all his limbs,” the man’s daughter told radio station PPQ.
Surgical Towel
Surgeons who operated on a 53-year-old Japanese man to remove a “tumor” had good news and funky news for him. He did not have cancer, but the “growth” that had been causing him pain was a 27-year-old surgical towel.
“The surgical towel was greenish blue though we are not sure about its original color,” the Asahi General Hospital spokesperson admitted. “It was crumpled to the size of a baseball.”
Hospital officials visited the man, who was not identified, and humbly apologized for their 27-year-old error.
While in the operating room the man had his spleen removed.
5-Inch Knife
He walked into Starbucks with a 5-inch knife sticking out of his chest, ordered decaf cappuccino, borrowed a cellphone from a patron, phoned 911 for an ambulance, told the operator he’d been stabbed and was drinking cappuccino “because it’s cold outside.”
He died in Starbucks before the ambulance arrived.
The Pope’s Cologne
is composed from the secret formula of Pope Pius IX (1792–1878).
We obtained the formula from descendants of Pius’s Papal Guard commander and lifelong companion, General Didier LeGrande.
We followed the complex, exclusive formula meticulously, using the same essential oils that the papal perfumers reverently employed 200 years ago.
This is a truly exquisite cologne with a captivating freshness, featuring notes of columbine, rue, red cedar, bergamot, and natural musk (which contains enticing pheromones.)
It is an honor for us to be able to produce this historically elite cologne and make it available for your purchase today.
Grits
A 44-year-old woman was booked after pouring boiling grits onto her sleeping boyfriend, causing second-degree burns on his groin and legs.
Back from work, they bickered.
He threatened to quit her.
He fell asleep.
Query: She had coffee and bean soup on the stove — why douse
him with grits?
Demented
40 million people around the world are demented.
An ominous forecast as the population grays.
The new count is 14 percent higher than scientists predicted just a year ago.
Barring a medical miracle dementia will double every 20 years.
By 2050, it will affect virtually everyone.
E-Everything
In this era of social networking, cloud computing & e-everything, we routinely entrust our identities to the corporate sectors.
But to what extent can we trust them?
What’s your approach to online privacy?
I steer away from social network sites like the plague; don’t want my shit online.
I use pseudonyms and fake email addresses, so no worries.