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The lizards’ estimated value: $18,000.

Conjoined

Two males certified by the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s oldest living conjoined twins are moving in with their younger brother.

An anonymous benefactor is helping 59-year-old Mickey and Ricky Saturday by paying to enlarge the home of their brother, 54-year-old Hank Saturday. The twins occupy a tiny apartment in Dayton, Ohio. Their brother lives in Beavercreek.

Mickey and Ricky are joined at the torso. They have four arms, four legs, separate hearts, stomachs, and reproductive organs. They share a lower intestine.

The twins recently retired from a touring carnival and are in declining health.

Twin

4-year-old girls were dropped from an 8-storey window by their mother’s common-law husband.

The suspect was initially identified as a drunk off-duty police officer, but Interfax news agency claimed he was a butcher.

Twins Katya and Dasha are fighting death with massive damage to their organs.

No motive was offered.

Twins

After an elderly couple were found dead of natural causes in their apartment it was discovered they were twins separated at birth, adopted by different parents.

Meeting as adults, they felt an uncanny attraction, married, never realizing their blood kinship.

They produced four healthy children, 11 grandchildren, and six great-grandchildren.

Mantis Shrimps

living on Australia’s Great Barrier Reef have the most complex eyes in the animal kingdom.

They see in 12 primary colors, four times that of humans, and detect 11 levels of light polarization.

Transferring the same multi-color ability into a DVD player would permit it to process infinitely more information.

Researcher: “The mantis shrimp’s exquisitely simple eye system, comprised of cell membranes rolled into tubes, could be industrially mimicked by using liquid crystals.”

Why the mantis shrimp needs such a rarefied level of vision is unclear; the suspicion is that it has to do with food and sex.

Esperanto

CUENCA, Ecuador: The elegant Nepali woman in a chartreuse mini beamed as the tall Nordic man in a fez sauntered by.

Each called out a greeting: “Saluton!”

Then they launched into an animated discussion in Esperanto, a synthetic language created more than a century ago to foster global harmony.

Wanted

Rich older women hotting for young dudes. Applicants must be older than 41, earn at least $750,000 a year and/or have a minimum of $4 million in liquid assets.

That is the basis of a speed-dating event organized by a “sex entrepreneur” bringing together 70 “cougars” and 35 “boy toys.”

Set to take place in the virtual offices of Goog, it has attracted affluent older women from all over the globe. Raquel Suzuki, 53, is the CFO of a marketing firm in Tokyo and Brussels.

“Am I really a cougar? I plan to find out,” Raquel Suzuki winked. “ASAP.”

How Do I Start!!!

I was married 26 years then in a relationship 4 years. Tell you about that later. I am a women with class. If you are into “one night stands,” “hook ups,” “happy endings,” or an occasional “friend with benefits,” keep on shopping don’t bother stopping. My likes are 3-D movies, beach, cooking and home interior. I’m looking for a man that knows how to treat there lady, not one that watches TV sports all day. A man like me, family orientated, beach, cooking, someone to share my heart and life’s journey. PLEASE have a recent photo.

Online Nude

A 27-year-old woman sent a man she met online an enticing text mess offering him an early Xmas present in the shape of two nubile women and suggested he take his clothes off to save time.

The 29-year old man got to the appointed house straightaway. He stripped and tossed his clothes through the window before entering.

But it was the wrong house and the householder did not get the joke.

The police arrested the man for “gratuitous nudity.”

The woman who sent the seductive but deliberately wayward message was tracked down and charged with misusing a phone.

Third World Taboos

Presenting a cup or bowl with a crack line.

Disrespecting guests.

Wiping your arse with the right hand.

Not belching loudly after evening meal.

Not speaking the uncolonized language.

Bearing ill-behaved children.

Displaying the bottoms of your feet.

Entering a nubile unmarried female’s room without permission.

Machete

Guatemalan police arrested two Quiche Indian brothers accused of hacking to death an American banker on his yacht where he was vacationing with his wife.

The Indians boarded the yacht, docked on a popular lake near Guatemala’s Caribbean coast, wielding machetes & demanding $$$.

The American banker fought back with his own machete but was overpowered & killed.

The wife was hospitalized after the Indians pricked her in the neck with poisoned darts.

Guatemala has one of the highest murder rates in Latin America,

but remains popular with tourists for its picturesque lakes, Mayan jungle pyramids & low prices.

Severed

A man who believed he bore the “mark of the beast” used a circular saw to cut off his hand, cooked it in the microwave, phoned 911, while repeating the name: Matthew.

The Book of Matthew contains the passage: If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off.

Trans

Roger Ramsdell, 77, a 26-year Marine Corps vet, became Rhonda Ramsdale on Thursday, the oldest human on record to undergo sex-change surgery.

Ramsdell said she always sensed she was “different,” but “just kept putting off” the surgery. S/he saw combat in the Marines as a male in 4 wars.

The Yorkshire Ripper

was stabbed in the eye during an attack by another inmate inside Broadmoor Hospital.

Screaming “B*****d! You killed them bitches!” he lunged at the Ripper.