“But I want you to cook for me.” His voice is controlled, his pout only just gracing his lips. I roll my eyes, thinking we’re playing a game here, not realizing how wrong I am. My slip in my reserve costs me. Before I can react, I’m pushed up against the wall. Hand to my chest, pinning me with his weight.
“Chad?” I ask. Fear ignites, working its way through my body and washing away the last four months he hasn’t laid a hand on me.
The last time Chad hit me I passed out in the bathroom. I woke up in our bed with him hovering over me with the most distraught face I had ever seen on him. At first, my instinct was to leave. No man was ever going to hit me and expect me to put up with it. But stupid me believed him when he broke down in tears and promised me he would never do it again. Who was I to throw a good marriage away for one mistake? So I stayed. And everything went back to normal. We had our fights, sure. But not once has Chad raised his hand to me again.
Until tonight.
“You ever roll your eyes at me again, you’ll regret it, Mackenzie.” His alcohol-tainted breath hits my face.
“I didn’t mean it.” My need to placate him takes over. I’ve gone back to the woman he needs when he’s like this.
“I thought you were learning, Mackenzie.” His free hand moves to my face, holding my jaw in his tight grip. I know it’s not a question, but I answer anyway.
“From now on, Chad. I’ll remember. I’ll learn. It was a slip. I’m sorry.” I sound like a pathetic, weak person to my own ears, but I don’t care. I just need to stop this before it gets out of hand.
“Do you like it when I punish you? You like being taught a lesson?” His fingers tighten, making it harder to talk.
“No.” I barely gasp through the hold he has on me.
“Then why do you insist on pushing me?” I don’t have an answer right away. Do I like pushing him? Maybe some part of me wanted to push. Do I deserve this as a result? No. Do I want this type of love?
“I… I don’t know why. But I promise it won’t ever happen again.” I scramble for the words he needs to hear, attempting to calm the beast I know is almost free of his cage, but I’m too late. It’s too late.
The slap comes next. The sting burns my face, bringing stars to my eyes.
“You do know why. Don’t lie to me. You like it when I’m angry. If I put my hand down these jeans, I’d know how much you like it. The thought alone makes my cock rock hard.” I swallow, forcing the impending vomit from coming up as he eases his zipper down. He wouldn’t.
“Please, Chad. Not like this,” I beg. The last time he touched me, I believed he loved me. I thought we were moving past the ugliness he had tainted our marriage with. Now, in this moment, it only brings back the hate, fear, and disgust I felt that night in our bathroom. And as much as I despise him for making me experience all those emotions, I hate myself just as much for believing he changed. For what I have let happen to me at the hands of the man I pledged my love to.
He holds my stare for a moment, neither one of us speaking until he finally comes back to himself, re-zipping his pants.
“You’re right. Not here. I have a better idea. Go clean up. You and I will be eating out tonight. Call Heidi. Tell her you’re sick and won’t make it.” I nod, watching him step back and run his fingers through his hair.
On shaky legs, I begin to walk back to our bedroom. The last thing I want to do is cancel on Heidi, especially on her birthday, but there is no other option. He won’t let me leave tonight, not after what just happened. He’s on the cliff and I don’t want to push him. For your safety, Mackenzie, don’t push him.
“Oh, and Mackenzie, you know how much I despise disrespect. Don’t make it hard on yourself. Next time, I won’t be so forgiving.” A shiver runs through me at his words. It isn’t a threat, but a promise. One I know he will keep. I don’t know how but I have to get out of here. If the last four months have taught me anything, it’s that people don’t change.
I’ve been stupid to think he could.
Four
Beau
“You wanna tell me what the fuck’s going on, Beau.” Nix’s first words spoken since we took a seat at the club table don’t hold back his concern or frustration at what having Mackenzie here could possibly mean for us.
“I’m just as fucking surprised as you are, Nix.” I give it to him straight. The last thing I was expecting when I sat down for a quiet night was to have Mackenzie Morre walk into the clubhouse.
“Fuck. You know what this means? More fucking shit we don’t need.” He rubs his hands down his face roughly and I almost laugh at the predictable action from him. It’s his tell, something the asshole does every time he’s stressed and trying to regain his composure.
Nix has been Prez of this club for over ten years with me as his VP, and my best friend for even longer. Growing up together we never had plans to follow in our fathers’ footsteps, but when shit happened with a rival club, involving the death of Nix’s mother, our future was decided right then and there for us. I don’t regret it or hold on to any what ifs. There’s no reason to. We’ve always been family. Our choice was simple. I’ve seen the way our pops’ lived their lives, and while it wasn’t what I wanted, once Nix and I took the lead, life has been a hell of a lot better. We’ve grown both individually and with the club. We moved away from the illegal shit, and now we own three businesses that keep us busy. Only one said business just landed us in more shit. Shit we could do without.
“What do you want me to do? Tell her we can’t help her?” I pull my head out of the past to respond to him. The rest of the table is quiet as they let us talk this shit out. We don’t normally butt heads, both of us usually agree along the same lines, but if I have to go head-to-head with him over Mackenzie, I will.
“Just clue me in on where you’re at, Beau. What are we getting ourselves into here and for who?” His tone drops from pissed-off Prez to the friend who has always had my back, so I take a second to gather my thoughts and process this entire situation.
What is really going on here?
In the brief time my path crossed Mackenzie’s, we connected. It may have been fleeting, maybe even one-sided, but the night I took her out of her hell, something changed. Yes, my mission is to assist Tiny in helping women escape abusive homes, to aid anyone who truly needs the help of this club, but now having her back, what are my real motives? Part of me wants to say it’s my need to make sure we follow this through, ensure Chad Morre doesn’t win. But it’s more than that. Maybe it’s only a small ripple in a roaring sea, but it’s deeper than a simple act of service. This hold she has on me is something I’m not ready to acknowledge yet. I felt it the moment I picked her broken body up and placed her in the back of the van. When I held her in my arms and took her to the hospital for emergency surgery to fix the damage her fucking asshole husband caused her. But then I lost it all when we finally managed to move her to the next drop off point.
Knowing I wouldn’t see her again, it fucked with me in a way I haven’t experienced in a long time. Since…her. My sister.
“He’s messed up by her.” Sy, the quiet fucker of the bunch, speaks out, pushing all thoughts of Missy away. If anyone knows how messed up I am over Mackenzie, he would. He was there the night we saved her. Sy saw firsthand how affected I was by her.
“Don’t think you know what you’re talking about, brother.” I flick my gaze briefly to him, but don’t give him the pleasure of seeing what his words do to me.