And, in truth, it was possible he himself didn’t wholly trust the Pilots’ Guild, the old human distinction between crew and passengers on the ship. The crew had once maintained the passengers didn’t have a vote, until the descendants of the crew needed the descendants of the passengers for dangerous and vital work.
There was a lot of history between the long-ago passengers and the crew; and a lot at stake for the ship in that interface. The Pilots’ Guild had never wanted the Landing, and had given in on the issue only grudgingly and in the confidence the project would have no support from the station management. The ship had surely expected to return to a spacefaring civilization with a well-maintained station, maybe with the original landing party dead; but not what they’d met—no station presence, no launch capacity, and a thriving planetary colony with very touchy relations with the native atevi.
“I understand your frustration,” he said finally, and maybe Jase never realized his slip, but damn sure if Jase were taking the tests to enter the Foreign Studies program over on Mospheira, he’d have washed out, right there, first for making the slip, and then for not realizing it.
Though, again, maybe Jase did realize. Once you learned, atevi-style, to disconnect your face from your thoughts, you grew harder and harder to track in human terms.
And old friends in the human world grew harder and harder to keep.
“I know,” Jase said. “I know that you do, Bren. But—”
Jase left that statement unfinished.
“You may never bewhat I am,” Bren said. “I say that with no arrogance at all. You may not want to be. But your way to space has to go through atevi construction workers, to whom the paidhiin must be polite and infallibly encouraging, and it has to go through Tabini-aiji, to whom the paidhiin must be useful, and we can never, ever forget either fact.”
“I try. God, I’m trying.”
“I know you are.”
“Bren—Bren, tell me the truth. Tell me the honest truth. When that spacecraft goes up, am I really going to go with it?”
What in hell brought that on? he asked himself. “Who said otherwise?” he asked.
“I just want to hear it.”
“There’ll be test flights. But when it’s proven safe, you’ll go.”
“Dependent on the aiji’s permission, of course.”
“He’ll let you go.”
“How do I know that?”
“Well, outside of the fact he said so—which is considerable assurance—he’s investing quite a lot in your education. This place. The training. Why shouldn’t he want you on the job translating to the ship?”
“I might be a hostage.”
“It’s not the aiji’s style. It wouldn’t be dignified.”
“He did with Hanks.”
“Say he knows the Mospheiran government. It’s different. He chose not to shoot her.”
“I don’t see the difference. What about when he wants something from mypeople?”
“Have you had a hint he does?”
“Don’t be naïve, Bren.”
“Whatever brought thisup?”
“I just want to know there’s going to be an end to this!”
“It doesn’t seem to me you’re being reasonable. Why do you think he wouldn’t let you go?”
“Look—I want to get out of this apartment. Who do you have to ask?”
Maybe Jase wouldn’t have washed out of the program. The paidhi, experienced in diplomacy, nearly fell into that little pitfall.
“I can take you wherever I like.”
“Then why noton this last trip? Why not on the next?”
Because it wasn’t that simple. But Jase wasn’t in a reasoning mood. “You go nowhere until you learn the verb forms.” That set it at some distance. “And until you don’t make statements as rash as that you just made about our hosts.”
“The hell with the verb forms!”
First the disorientation, then the anger. He’d been there, too. At least Jase wasn’t fool enough to damn Tabini. “You can die of old age on this planet if we mistranslate a design spec and the program fails. You could die sooner if you don’t understand culturally where you’re likely to find security wires. You can die if your insults to the aiji disturb the peace of this country. Or you can sit idle and become a ward of the state while I do your work. These are serious choices. It is not‘to hell with the verb forms.’ Your choices otherwise are all unpalatable.”
He’d made Jase mad. Real mad. But Jase didn’t get up from his chair and stalk from the room as he’d done once last autumn.
“You do it even in human language,” Jase said, “don’t you?”
“What?”
“Nadi,” Jase said in measured tones, in Ragi, and with no expression whatever, “one understands my options to be balanced with a felicitous fifth choice.”
“That being?”
“The one you wish: my compliance, nadi.”
He hadposed it in a foursome, infelicitous four, when three, the human cultural choice, was felicitous. And Jase had at least feltit. “Good. Very good. You’re catching on.”
“Nand’ Saidin has assigned a servant to assist me. And I have worked, nadi. I work very long hours because I hope for a release from this confinement and a sexual assignation with my job.”
He didn’t laugh. He didn’t let his face twitch. “An opportunity.”
Jase’s face went red.
“Yes, nadi. An opportunity.”
“I’m encouraged, nadi-ji, none the less. And I shall make every effort to include you in the next itinerary. Jase, it will get easier.”
“How doyou stand it?”
A deep breath. A sip of the liquor. “Stubbornness. I had alternatives early on. Now there aren’t any. You do what you have to.”
“You could quit. You could go back.”
“I’d have Deana Hanks for my successor.”
“Does that matter? Ultimately you’re one man. After you, things will be what they’ll be. Does that matter?”
“Yes, it damn well matters. This is my job.”
The conversation was depressing him. He didn’t want to discuss his own situation. He didn’t think it would help.
“You have people harassing your family,” Jase said.
“Where did you hear that?”
Jase had a troubled look. “I’m not deaf. And, as you say, I dopick up things from the staff now.”
“My family’s situation isn’t the official situation. There isa difference, Jase, and the ship needs to know that. Theoretically—” Theoretically the government was looking for the perpetrators. But it never found them. The police never caught anyone. And he had to ask himself how long before he had to hold international politics hostage to the threats against his family and get Tabini to demand something be done.
It was what the perpetrators wanted. It was exactlywhat they wanted. It would give themthe leverage to threaten the government and become noisier than they were. And he tried to deaden his nerves and not react when he got news that upset him.
“Theoretically—” Jase said. Possibly Jase didn’t know that word.
He’d not wanted, for one other thing, to lose his credibility in a descent into name-calling and accusations. He’d never wanted to bring the whole of the stresses on him into question in the household here: it would raise concerns even with the staff. But maybe Jase wasable to understand the complexity of the constraints on him. Maybe he’d been around atevi long enough not to draw wrong conclusions and maybe it wastime to lay some of the truth on the table, if Jase was listening behind doors. He changed to Mosphei’.
“More than theoretically, Jase, the sons of bitches are calling my mother at three in the morning. She’s got a heart condition.—But they’re freelance operators so far as I know. Isolationists. Pro-spacers. Anti-spacers. The whole damn gamut, Jase. It’s the radical fringe that wants another war. Or an end to building on the north shore. I’m sure Ms. Mercheson has had lunch with them, though I haven’t wanted to act as if I were trying to affect herindependent judgment. They’ll be perfectly polite to her. They’ll be dressed in their Sunday best and telling her atevi can’t be trusted.” He knew he’d wandered further than he’d intended, into areas he probably shouldn’t discuss with Jase, politically speaking. But if he didn’t find a starting point to include Jase on the inside of the information flow, Jase couldn’t understand the atevi’s chosen isolation, either.