The clock read 4:14 A.M. I’d been awake for almost twenty-four hours. My body and my mind were spent; I was functioning on pure adrenaline. When it ran out, I would crash hard.
“I’ll get you a toothbrush and something to sleep in.” Hayden went down the hall and disappeared into his bedroom.
I sat on the edge of the bed and ran my hand over the red comforter. The sheets were dark gray, the walls were paper white.
He came back with an armload of clothes and a toothbrush still in its package. “I wasn’t sure what you’d want, so I brought options.” He set the clothes on the edge of the bed. “There’s a bathroom down the hall to the left. If you need anything, you know where to find me.”
“Thanks for letting me stay.”
“I’m just glad you’re home. I’ll see you in the morning.” He leaned over, kissed the top of my head, and ran his fingers through my ponytail.
After he left, I sorted through the clothes. The drawstring pants might have fit him but would be enormous on me. There were two shirts, one short sleeved and one long, as well as a pair of boxer briefs. I shed my clothes, glad to be out of them. Part of me wanted to jump in the shower, but it was approaching dawn. It would have to wait until later, after sleep.
The long-sleeved shirt fell below my butt. The boxer briefs, while too large at the waist, were manageable as long as I rolled them over a couple of times to keep them up.
My hip still ached, partially from being manhandled by Sienna, but also because of the long drive. It didn’t hurt nearly as much as when Hayden first picked me up from The Dollhouse, but it was still uncomfortable enough to make me limp. I rooted around in the pocket of my discarded jeans and found the travel Tylenol I carried at all times.
My teeth felt fuzzy, as if they were wearing sweaters, so I headed to the bathroom. I found the toothpaste in the medicine cabinet, brushed my teeth, and rinsed with mouthwash even though I wasn’t going to need fresh breath tonight.
Hand towels and washcloths were in the top drawer of the vanity. I ran a washcloth under hot water and washed my face, careful to avoid the scratches Hayden had cleaned. Since a shower wasn’t an option, I leaned against the edge of the sink and dragged the washcloth down my legs, the damp warmth pleasant.
There was a knock on the door and I called for Hayden to open it. He stood at the threshold with a pile of towels in one hand, a glass of water in the other. He wore pajama pants and nothing else. Usually he slept naked, so the pants were for my benefit and his discretion.
His eyes moved from my face down my body and back up. Then down. And back up.
“I thought you might want these in case you’re up before me. Unless you decide you’d rather shower at your own place, but I’ll leave them here so you have the choice.” He passed the towels over. “And I figured you might want a glass of water in case you got thirsty.” He passed that over, too.
“Thanks.” Hayden was obviously flustered. Seeing him like that made me want to laugh or cry, maybe both.
He rubbed the back of his neck, blinked a few times. “You picked the shorts.”
“The pants were too long. These are a little big, too. I’ll probably ditch them when I go to bed,” I said, not considering the implications.
His body was beautiful. The black lines of the phoenix came to an abrupt end just beyond the center of his broad chest. Then after a blank expanse of skin, a burst of color began at his shoulder and traveled down his right arm. The two halves of a whole. Although Hayden wasn’t so simple as to have a light and a dark side. Both sides espoused the dichotomy that he embodied; the bleeding heart on his forearm was wrapped in flowering vines, cracked on one side, blooming on the other. The koi traveling along his arm fought its way upstream. The lilies floating on the water changed from white and pink to dark purple, half-wilted by the time they reached his shoulder. Hayden’s dark and light sides merged, flowing into each other.
Tonight was the first time I truly saw how divided he was, and how much he battled to embrace the light. I had a feeling the tattoos on his back were a reflection of how dark he could get. One in particular was rather eerie, but whenever I’d asked to see it up close, he’d distracted me with other activities.
He’d lost weight while I was gone. Probably a good ten pounds, or more. The six-pack he sported was more pronounced, and a hint of bone was at his hips instead of layers of defined muscle covered with ink. His waist was narrower; his pants hung low to the point of obscenity. I gawked shamelessly.
He lowered a hand from the doorjamb to cover the problem that was rising below the waist. “I, ah—I’m gonna go now. To bed.”
“If that’s what you think is best.”
I yearned to reach out and trace the lines of the phoenix. Particularly where it circled the glint of metallic black piercing his nipple. And lower, where it disappeared under the waistband of his pants. He’d already shut me down once, though; I wasn’t about to try again. His hesitation was understandable.
“Yeah.” Hayden took a step back. “Bed is good.”
“I’ll see you in the morning, then.” I rolled up the waistband of my shorts once more for good measure.
“Uh-huh.” He nodded, eyes on my legs. “Unless you need me.” He gave his head a shake. “Something. Unless you need something. I’m just a few steps away.”
He turned and headed down the hall. I got a glimpse of the tattoo on his right shoulder, the one I hadn’t seen up close before. It looked like a child swaddled in a blanket, but its eyes were terrifying—ancient, evil, full of despair.
He looked over his shoulder when he reached his bedroom door. “Night, Tenley.”
“Night.” I smiled weakly. I wanted an invitation into his bed, even if it was just for sleeping. I craved the feel of his body close to mine. It was hard to be in his space and not next to him, yet it was just, considering what I’d put him through.
He went into his room, leaving the door ajar. TK came scampering down the hall and paused at my feet, rubbed herself against my leg, then trotted to Hayden’s bedroom. All of the things that had been mine weren’t anymore.
I heard him talking to her and considered the possibility that I might not have the right to take TK back. I’d been so neglectful of both of them. A few seconds later the light went out, and I was alone.
I left the towels on the vanity and took the glass of water with me to the spare room. Turning the covers down, I slipped between the cold sheets. I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep with Hayden so close and unreachable, but fatigue settled in, dragging me under.
A shout startled me awake. Disorientation incited panic, until I remembered I was in Hayden’s condo, sleeping in his spare bedroom. It was 7:00 A.M., which would have been a reasonable time to get up if I hadn’t gone to bed just two hours earlier. Another sound came from down the hall, the pitch low and masculine.
I slipped out of bed, testing my right leg before I put too much weight on it. It was still sore, but the Tylenol made it more manageable. I stole down the hall, the dim light from the bathroom the only illumination.
I silently pushed open the door. Hayden’s sheets were twisted around him, pillows scattered on the floor. His body was covered in a sheen of sweat despite the chilled air. TK was sitting on the floor, her fur standing on end. Hayden flailed and moaned plaintively. Words tumbled out of his mouth as he thrashed in the sheets, the grip of the nightmare too tight to escape from.