“You were right across the street and you didn’t shoot me a message?”
“I wanted to, but you hadn’t answered my calls and I wasn’t ready—”
“You’ve been gone for three fucking weeks. How much more ready do you need to be?”
“I know how it sounds—but I’d been up since you called yesterday morning, and it was late when I got here. I wanted to see you, but I was tired and emotional. I thought it would be better for both of us if I didn’t show up in the middle of the night.”
I could see her point, but it still hurt. “So that’s how you ended up at The Dollhouse.”
“My plan was to get the key and leave. When I mentioned I knew Sarah, the bouncer took that to mean I wanted a job and let me inside. If I’d known Sienna was the manager, though, I wouldn’t have gone in. They took me to see her, and obviously she recognized me. She said some things I didn’t like, and I did the same. When she got aggressive, I defended myself.”
I was proud of Tenley for taking on someone like Sienna. It was reckless, but ballsy. “What exactly did she say?”
Her eyes shifted away. “That I couldn’t handle you. That you’d get bored and go back to her.”
Typical Sienna. “That’s bullshit. I’d rather fuck a cactus. So I’m guessing whatever your reply was, she didn’t like it.”
“Not so much.”
“What did you say to piss her off?”
Tenley’s cheeks flushed. “It’s not important.”
I arched a brow and stared her down. “Oh, no? I’m going to disagree with you on that, considering the state of your face.”
She relented with a heavy sigh. “I called her a whore. That’s when she got aggressive.”
Tenley was leaving something out. I could tell by her lack of eye contact and how fidgety she was. “What else did she say to you?”
“Nothing much. She just wanted a reaction. You said yourself that she likes to lie.”
I shifted closer so Tenley couldn’t hide her face and slid my hand along the side of her neck. Her pulse was hammering against my palm. I skimmed her jaw with my thumb, back and forth. She leaned into the contact. “What else, Tenley?”
“She told me why she slept with Chris.”
My stomach sank. I covered my panic with sarcasm. “Oh? And what was her convoluted logic?”
“She said she did it to get your attention.”
“Well, wasn’t that clever of her,” I replied derisively. Sienna’s version of the events was undoubtedly highly modified, with all the important parts left out. The situation that had led to Sienna’s getting into Chris’s pants had been an epic clusterfuck. I should have known I’d have to deal with this shit sooner or later; there were too many lingering connections with the people from my past. But to have a discussion like this on the first day Tenley came home? My black cloud of doom just kept expanding, submerging me in toxic emotional waste.
“She said you—” Tenley chewed on her lip. Shook her head. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”
“It sure as fuck does matter. What did she say about me?” Sienna had clearly told Tenley more than I would have.
“Can’t we just let this go for now? I know you’re upset I went to The Dollhouse, but it’s done. What Sienna said is irrelevant.”
I scrubbed my hand over my face, annoyed. Frustrated. “Don’t do that. I want to know what she said so I can either defend myself or explain.” I sighed. “I won’t downplay events, Tenley. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. I think we’re past pretending our omissions don’t have an impact on either of us.” When she remained silent, I needled her, “Did she tell you about the four-way?”
“I-I . . . It—it d-doesn’t—”
“I’ll take that as a yes. Are you going to lie and tell me you’re cool with that? It doesn’t look like you are. In fact, you look a little nauseous. Are you sure it doesn’t matter?”
She fiddled with the edge of the comforter. “Of course I’m not cool with it. But there’s nothing I can do to change it, and neither can you. Why are you pushing me like this?”
“Because I’m still pissed, Tenley!” My anger at Sienna, at Tenley, and myself suddenly combined into one big need for a fight. “You up and ran, with no explanation, for almost a fucking month! How could you do that to me?”
She was silent for a minute. Then she said, “You’re right. I ran. I admit it.” She took a deep breath. “I was terrified of what I had with you, Hayden—and not just because of how much I’d already lost.”
That got my attention. “Why, then?” I asked more quietly.
“Because it made my relationship with Connor feel like a fucking farce. The way I feel about you? I never felt anything like that for him. Maybe I could have been happy with him, but I’ll never know, because he’s dead.
“And that’s my fault. I’m the one who wanted the destination wedding. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to reconcile the reality that I never would have met you if my whole family wasn’t dead? I’m not justifying my running. I’m just telling you why I did.”
Well, that showered me with a monsoon of perspective. Trey’s appearance would have brought all her guilt to the forefront. And the memorial service and the estate gave her the perfect escape. It would have been extremely difficult to handle.
I sighed. “I can understand why you went. But I still wish we could have talked it out before. The last three weeks were shitty.”
“And I’m sorry for that. It was the same for me. I’d change it if I could.”
“How do I know you won’t do it again? How am I supposed to trust you after this?”
Her gaze dropped; when she looked up, her eyes were shiny with unshed tears. “The only way is time, I guess. Will you give me that? I’m sure you have more questions, and I’ll answer them all if it will help. I’ll do whatever you need me to—even if it means giving you space.”
This was way more difficult than I expected it to be. “No thanks on the space. I’ve had enough of that—but I don’t think we can just pick things up where we left off.”
“I’m inclined to agree. So where does that leave us?”
“I have no idea. This isn’t something I’ve done before.”
“Me either. Not really, anyway.” She ducked her head.
“Is there a story behind that?”
“Yes. But the ending isn’t very nice.”
So it had to do with Connor. “You planning to tell it anyway?”
“Do you want me to?”
I wasn’t so sure now was the best time. “Maybe later.”
Her shoulders sagged with relief. “Okay. What now, then?”
I glanced at the clock. It was almost noon. “I’ve got to go to work in an hour, but we could go somewhere and get breakfast first.”
“You’d want that?” She gave me that shy, little smile I liked so much.
“Yeah. I’m gonna shower first, though.”
“I should probably do the same.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to ask her to join me, but then I figured it might not be the best idea. Showering included nudity, which would inevitably lead to sex. While I wanted that with a desperation that bordered on pathetic, it wasn’t smart. It would feel good, fantastic even, but my head was already too mixed up.
Getting to the shower without Tenley’s noticing my massive hard-on was going to be an epic feat, though.
“Wait.” Tenley grabbed my arm as I threw one leg over the side of the bed.
“Yeah?”
“Maybe I could—”
“I don’t think—”
Her intentions were obvious. “I just want—”
“—it’s a good idea—”