“If you don’t like it, you don’t have to go back.” I didn’t say anything about finding a potential alternative. I’d worry about that later, if I needed to.
He sighed. “Fine.”
“You’ll go?”
“Yeah. I’m only committing to one session. We’ll see what happens after that.”
“That’s all I’m asking for. I’ll call Nate to confirm the appointment.”
“Wait. What?” His expression hardened.
The room suddenly felt small, and he was way too close. “Nate scheduled a tentative appointment. He said he had someone he thought you might like.”
“You talked to Nate about this?”
“I talked to Cassie. She talked to Nate. He suggested it and I agreed—for the reason we’ve just talked about.”
I was fully prepared for him to lose it on me, and for a moment I worried that was exactly what would happen. He glared at me, teeth grinding as his nostrils flared. I could sense his panic. I was sure he was mentally searching for a way to get out of this. The idea of confronting his past terrified him for obvious reasons.
“Please, Hayden. I love you. I want to stay, but it can’t be like this.” I put my hand on his chest.
He looked down to where my palm rested over his heart. He was silent for a minute. I started to drop my hand, but his came up to cover mine. “What time’s the appointment?”
“Four this afternoon.”
He was silent again. His fingers wrapped around mine and squeezed. Then, finally: “Okay. I’ll go.”
30
HAYDEN
Therapy sucked. It was like being under a microscope for an hour. I told the therapist I wasn’t coming back. She scheduled another appointment four days from now anyway. Then she said how fortunate I was to have so many people in my life that cared about me. I grudgingly pocketed the appointment card. I could call and cancel later.
I left the quaint, little house situated among kitschy shops and crossed over to the café where Tenley was having tea with Cassie. They were sitting at a table in the back corner. Neither one noticed when I walked in, too absorbed in their conversation. In front of Tenley was a half-eaten piece of cake and a pile of torn-up napkins.
A girl dressed in a pale pink shirt and black pants stepped in front of me. She was way too close. I was used to people giving me a lot more personal space.
“Hi! Table for one?” She stared up at me with a strange look on her face. “Wow. You have the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen! They’re, like, superblue.”
“Uh . . . thanks? I’m meeting my aunt—”
“That’s so sweet!”
“—and my girlfriend. They’re already here.” I gestured to where they were sitting.
“Oh.” Her smile fell but she didn’t stop staring. It was fucking odd.
I maneuvered around her and headed for Tenley and Cassie. Cassie stood up as soon as she saw me. I couldn’t figure out why she looked so stunned, until I remembered no one but Tenley and the police had seen me since I’d taken out the facial piercings. She gave me a warm hug and whispered “Thank you” in my ear. I wasn’t sure what she was thanking me for, but I returned the embrace.
I nabbed a chair from an empty table and pulled it up next to Tenley’s. She looked anxious as hell. I hoped she’d ordered a decaf, or she was going to be a jittery mess for the rest of the day. Before she could ask me anything about the appointment, a waitress bounced over and did the same weird staring thing. I ordered a black coffee and an extra fork so I could finish Tenley’s cake.
“Everything go okay?” Tenley’s hand fluttered close to my arm, but she didn’t make contact. Instead she clasped her hands in her lap and tried to keep them still.
Had I been that bad since the trip to the police station? I decided then that I wouldn’t cancel the next appointment. As shitty as it was to talk about all the fucked-up things I’d been through and done, I couldn’t expect Tenley to deal with it, or me, if I refused to.
“It was fine.” I leaned over and kissed her temple. “I’ve got another appointment in a few days.”
She seemed startled by the admission. “Really?” Her eyes got all glassy.
“Hey. It’s okay, kitten. We’re gonna be fine.” I traced her bottom lip with the pad of my thumb.
“Well, I think I’ll be going,” Cassie said, pushing up out of her chair.
“You don’t have to do that,” I said, vaguely disappointed.
“Nate’s going to be home early tonight.” She exchanged a look with Tenley, and Cassie’s cheeks flushed. I didn’t want to know what that was about. Cassie pulled on her coat and Tenley rose to hug her. Cassie whispered something I couldn’t hear and smoothed her hand over Tenley’s hair while stepping away. It was a maternal, affectionate gesture.
“I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know,” Tenley assured her.
“There’s no obligation.”
Cassie kissed her on the cheek and left. They were much closer than I’d realized.
“What was that about?” I asked when Tenley sat back down.
“We’ve been invited for dinner tomorrow.”
“Do you want to go?”
“It might be nice.”
I’d been pretty reclusive the past few days; it wouldn’t hurt to get out for a few hours tomorrow evening. Besides, I needed to thank Nate.
My coffee came, distracting me from the conversation. I devoured the rest of Tenley’s cake and drained the cup. Got a refill. Ordered another dessert even though I usually ate only Tenley’s baked goods. Tenley chattered away, talking about the tentative plans she’d made with Lisa and Sarah for next week. She stayed away from the topic of therapy, but her pile of shredded napkins grew to twice its original size. She was still nervous about something; I just didn’t know what.
“I think I’m done,” I said after I drained my third cup of coffee and finished the chocolate layer cake. My appetite was back, and not just for food. I had one hell of a hard-on. My dick had woken up after Tenley got her back up over my being such a prick.
“You’re sure you don’t want anything else?”
“Nah. I’m ready to go home.” I folded up my napkin, put it on the center of the plate, and flagged down the waitress.
Once the bill was taken care of we went out to the car. I still hadn’t taken mine to the shop. That would have to change. Tenley and I hadn’t been out much since the hood incident, but I was already tired of driving around in something with no balls.
She was fidgety on the way home, her hands running up and down her thighs, her foot bouncing on the floor.
“You all right?” I asked when we were stopped at a red light.
“Uh-huh.”
“You wanna try again? Maybe with the truth this time.”
I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, so she knew I wasn’t being a jerk. I just wanted to know what the issue was.
She must not have expected it because she jumped at the contact. “Sorry. Too much caffeine.”
I backed off and left it alone. She’d talk when she was ready. Pushing her would make me a hypocrite, since I wasn’t about to offer up any information about my session. I would never talk to Tenley about a lot of stuff. Not because I didn’t trust her, but because it wasn’t stuff she needed to know.
Much of it had to do with how fucking scared I was that something was going to happen to take her away from me again. Apparently it was a residual symptom of my particular brand of PTSD. At least now I could figure out how to deal with it without freaking out on her over the position of the remote control on the side table. As I’d done yesterday.
When we got home, Tenley disappeared into the bathroom. I took the opportunity to look over the spreadsheets for Inked Armor on my laptop while I waited for her to come out of hiding. It was Lisa’s job to take care of them, but I always rechecked everything.