I forgot she was my grandmother. I grabbed the front of her dress and hauled her close, frustration and disappointment mingling with desperate, weary anger. “You listen to me, Jean Kiss. Every life matters.”
She shoved back. “I’m just one person.”
Oh, God. It was like listening to myself. “You’re the most fucking dangerous woman in this world.”
“I can’t be killed,” she rasped. “That’s not the same as dangerous, and you know it.”
I released her. She sagged backward against the wall, eyes glittering.
“I try,” she whispered hollowly. “People think I whore for all the goods I get, but I don’t care. I pass out food and items for people to trade. I get work passes for some, if they have no other way. Medicine, messages…when there’s a need, I do what I can. Maybe where you come from life is different. Maybe you have the luxury of living in a world where people don’t suffer. But this isn’t it. I can’t do everything. There are too many. There will always be too many.”
I heard defiance in her voice, but mostly despair. Profound weariness. Have mercy, whispered a small voice in my mind. Have mercy on your grandmother.
Because she is right.
I drew in a slow, deep breath. And then, carefully, leaned against the door beside her. Red eyes glimmered from the shadows. I sensed a breathlessness in the boys; anticipation, even.
I almost asked about the Black Cat, but when I tried the words felt too heavy, too painful. I was a weak woman. I tapped my foot against the floor and said quietly, “The Japanese soldiers do this all the time?”
Jean closed her eyes, odd relief flickering briefly across her features. “More recently. Used to be that some of their best were stationed in Shanghai, but they’ve been sent into the Pacific to fight the Americans. All that’s left are kids who hardly know how to hold a bayonet. But here they are, in a uniform, with power. Goes to some of their heads.”
“What did they want?”
“Looking for American currency. Shortwave radios. Evidence of spying. That’s their excuse, anyway, but I bet if you smelled their breath for liquor, it would set your nostrils on fire.”
“It won’t last,” I whispered. “None of this.”
Jean tilted her head, studying me. “How much longer?”
I hesitated. “A year or so.”
But you won’t be here when it ends, I almost told her. And I don’t want to think about how the experience will change you.
Jean looked at the door and pushed herself away from the wall. “Stay here. I need to walk Ernie downstairs and make sure his parents are okay.”
I almost told her to be careful. Instead, I went to the door, and watched her slip out of the apartment. Demons faded away with her. All of them, except the two Zees. They stepped free of the shadows and crouched in front of me, perfect twins, utterly inscrutable. I knelt, needing to look them in the eyes.
“Well,” I said. “I hope you both know what you’re doing.”
“Doing life,” said one Zee.
“Fitting pieces,” added the other.
“Right,” I muttered, wiping sweat off my brow. “But what if I make things worse? Or what if I don’t do any good at all?” I looked at my Zee. “This has already happened before, for you. More than sixty years from now you’ll remember what goes on in the next ten minutes, but for me, it hasn’t occurred yet. But Ernie’s still dead in the future we came from, so whatever I did here…it didn’t work.”
“Think too much,” Zee rasped, tapping his forehead. “Just be.”
“That’s crap,” I snapped. “Is the future set in stone, or isn’t it?”
“Don’t know.” Zee held out his hands. “Nothing stays the same.”
“Except when it does,” said the other Zee. I wanted to strangle them. Instead I curled my hands into fists and pushed them hard against the floor. I could hear faint voices below me, speaking German. No more Japanese. The soldiers had gone.
“Whatever caused her to send that message through Ernie hasn’t happened yet. She doesn’t even want to get involved. And,” I added, tapping them both on the chests, “why is it her older self didn’t—or won’t—remember me? Care to explain that?”
Neither of them did, if their silence was any measure. I stripped off my right glove, holding up my armored quicksilver hand. My grandmother’s Zee flinched when he saw it, and rasped a single unintelligible word. I ignored him.
“Am I supposed to help those children?” I asked my Zee. “Or is there another reason you sent me here?”
His eyes narrowed. “All kinds of help.”
The other Zee’s claws raked lightly across the floor. “Help her.”
I stared. “Help my grandmother? In case you hadn’t noticed, that’s not the way it usually works. One dies, one goes on alone.”
Which, I had to admit, was about as petty and selfish as anything I had ever said. Knee-jerk reaction. Of course I would help her. Of course. But for one brief moment—just a heartbeat that lasted a lifetime—I felt a prick of resentment. No one had come to help me after my mother had been murdered. No one.
Floorboards creaked outside the door. I slid my glove back on and stood. Jean slipped inside, a faint flush in her cheeks. She glanced from me to her Zee. “I need some clean cloth and antiseptic. Cans of sardines, too, and a couple flints. Hurry.”
“Serious injuries?” I asked.
She shook her head and leaned back against the door, hugging herself. “But they blamed me. I could see it in their eyes. I think they were appalled that their son had gone to me for help.”
“They don’t know you spy.”
“But they know I’m not one of them.” Jean grimaced, bowing her head so deeply I thought she would be sick. “Does that ever get easier?”
“No.”
Bitterness touched her mouth. “You ever wonder what we’re doing with ourselves? You got that figured out in the future?”
I found myself shuffling close, heart so heavy my feet would hardly move. But I had to. I had to be near her. “You want to know what the point is.”
“One woman responsible for the world,” she breathed, her pain so palpable, so much mine, I could feel the burn of her tears in my own eyes.
“That’s not the point,” I whispered, wanting desperately to touch her. “Just the tagline.”
“And?”
And, I was going to lose my dignity. I was going to lose myself in her grief, if I stayed here one moment longer. “The point is to do good. To do the things no one else can do but you. Because of who you are.”
“A Hunter,” she said.
“Jean Kiss. Hunter Kiss.” I swallowed hard, filled with memories. My grandmother—her future self—had given me a similar lecture under the hot sun of the Mongolian steppes. I had been lost in time. Lost in every way. But she had been my anchor.
“You’re not alone,” I said.
Jean held my gaze. “And you, in your time?”
I smiled faintly. “It worked out.”
Silence drew thin and piercing between us, until finally she whispered, “If you do this wrong, a lot of people will suffer. Not just those kids, but their families.”
“That’s why I need your help.”
“A lot of people need help,” she muttered, wiping her eyes as both Zees rolled from the shadows bearing small bags. “But the Black Cat is something else.”
“You said it’s complicated.”
“She owns people. The right people. She specializes in compromising situations.”
“And that matters during wartime?”
“Wars don’t last forever. And some indiscretions are worse than others.”
I studied her. “You’re not telling me everything. Why did she tattoo those children?”
“All I’ve heard are rumors. No one wants to talk about her, not even the kids. And I’ve tried. She gets a hold on people. Not just with fear, but something deeper.” Jean made a hooking motion with her finger, and slashed the air. “You stop owning yourself when you work for that woman. The tattoo is her way of cementing the bond. She’s covered in them. Each one a life she controls.”