"I put my feet up on the table and my hands in my pockets, which is an attitude unfavorable to frivolous thoughts.
"'Andy, says I, 'this man with the hirsute whiskers has got us in a predicament. We can't move hand or foot with his money. You and me have got a gentleman's agreement with Fortune that we can't break. We've done business in the West where it's more of a fair game. Out there the people we skin are trying to skin us, even the farmers and the remittance men that the magazines send out to write up Goldfields. But there's little sport in New York city for rod, reel or gun. They hunt here with either one of two things—a slungshot or a letter of introduction. The town has been stocked so full of carp that the game fish are all gone. If you spread a net here, do you catch legitimate suckers in it, such as the Lord intended to be caught—fresh guys who know it all, sports with a little coin and the nerve to play another man's game, street crowds out for the fun of dropping a dollar or two and village smarties who know just where the little pea is? No, sir, says I. 'What the grafters live on here is widows and orphans, and foreigners who save up a bag of money and hand it out over the first counter they see with an iron railing to it, and factory girls and little shopkeepers that never leave the block they do business on. That's what they call suckers here. They're nothing but canned sardines, and all the bait you need to catch 'em is a pocketknife and a soda cracker.
"'Now, this cigar man, I went on, 'is one of the types. He's lived twenty years on one street without learning as much as you would in getting a once-over shave from a lockjawed barber in a Kansas crossroads town. But he's a New Yorker, and he'll brag about that all the time when he isn't picking up live wires or getting in front of street cars or paying out money to wire-tappers or standing under a safe that's being hoisted into a skyscraper. When a New Yorker does loosen up, says I, 'it's like the spring decomposition of the ice jam in the Allegheny River. He'll swamp you with cracked ice and back-water if you don't get out of the way.
"'It's mighty lucky for us, Andy, says I, 'that this cigar exponent with the parsley dressing saw fit to bedeck us with his childlike trust and altruism. For, says I, 'this money of his is an eyesore to my sense of rectitude and ethics. We can't take it, Andy; you know we can't, says I, 'for we haven't a shadow of a title to it—not a shadow. If there was the least bit of a way we could put in a claim to it I'd be willing to see him start in for another twenty years and make another $5,000 for himself, but we haven't sold him anything, we haven't been embroiled in a trade or anything commercial. He approached us friendly, says I, 'and with blind and beautiful idiocy laid the stuff in our hands. We'll have to give it back to him when he wants it.
"'Your arguments, says Andy, 'are past criticism or comprehension. No, we can't walk off with the money—as things now stand. I admire your conscious way of doing business, Jeff, says Andy, 'and I wouldn't propose anything that wasn't square in line with your theories of morality and initiative.
"'But I'll be away to-night and most of to-morrow Jeff, says Andy. 'I've got some business affairs that I want to attend to. When this free greenbacks party comes in to-morrow afternoon hold him here till I arrive. We've all got an engagement for dinner, you know.
"Well, sir, about 5 the next afternoon in trips the cigar man, with his eyes half open.
"'Been having a glorious time, Mr. Peters, says he. 'Took in all the sights. I tell you New York is the onliest only. Now if you don't mind, says he, 'I'll lie down on that couch and doze off for about nine minutes before Mr. Tucker comes. I'm not used to being up all night. And to-morrow, if you don't mind, Mr. Peters, I'll take that five thousand. I met a man last night that's got a sure winner at the racetrack to-morrow. Excuse me for being so impolite as to go to sleep, Mr. Peters.
"And so this inhabitant of the second city in the world reposes himself and begins to snore, while I sit there musing over things and wishing I was back in the West, where you could always depend on a customer fighting to keep his money hard enough to let your conscience take it from him.
"At half-past 5 Andy comes in and sees the sleeping form.
"'I've been over to Trenton, says Andy, pulling a document out of his pocket. 'I think I've got this matter fixed up all right, Jeff. Look at that.
"I open the paper and see that it is a corporation charter issued by the State of New Jersey to 'The Peters & Tucker Consolidated and Amalgamated Aerial Franchise Development Company, Limited.
"'It's to buy up rights of way for airship lines, explained Andy. 'The Legislature wasn't in session, but I found a man at a postcard stand in the lobby that kept a stock of charters on hand. There are 100,000 shares, says Andy, 'expected to reach a par value of $1. I had one blank certificate of stock printed.
"Andy takes out the blank and begins to fill it in with a fountain pen.
"'The whole bunch, says he, 'goes to our friend in dreamland for $5,000. Did you learn his name?
"'Make it out to bearer, says I.
"We put the certificate of stock in the cigar man's hand and went out to pack our suit cases.
"On the ferryboat Andy says to me: 'Is your conscience easy about taking the money now, Jeff?
"'Why shouldn't it be? says I. 'Are we any better than any other Holding Corporation? "