56. Get Me to the Beach on Time
Seven Mile Beach in the Grand Cayman Islands is beautiful, pristine, and romantic, but very, very hot. We were going to hold the ceremony at noon, but moved it to 11 a.m. to beat the worst of the heat, if only slightly.
I wrote something especially for the ceremony. I had actually first found it on a card, but it was just so perfect I borrowed it for my wedding and had the words printed underneath his favorite picture of me. It was rolled up sort of like a scroll with a really pretty ribbon to be put around it. Reading it over and over, I figured it would be easy to recite at the actual ceremony. Oddly, I wasn’t worried at all. I figured it would all go off without a hitch. But at the last minute I couldn’t find my ribbon and was going crazy. Frantic, I had the concierge search for a ribbon, which he finally dug up close to the start of our ceremony.
We were in the lobby of the most gorgeous hotel I had ever seen in my life. It had twenty-foot ceilings with the most elegant island decor. There were hundreds of fresh tropical flowers. And the service was exquisite. I felt like a queen.
All of our guests gathered in the lobby and were drinking mimosas and waiting for us to arrive. My friend Agnes and I went upstairs to meet everyone. Our closest friends were all there and everyone looked so damn happy.
I wasn’t nervous yet, although I kept anticipating I would become shaky. What woman wouldn’t be nervous at her wedding? It wasn’t like I had done it a hundred times. Well, a few, but none as ornately or as meaningful as this. It was strange in that way. This was my third marriage, yet it felt like my first and only. The other two were unplanned afterthoughts to men I never dreamed of spending the rest of my life with. My non-marriages in between, to people like Ken and Jim, may have lasted longer, but were unhealthy and lacking in true, romantic love from the start and throughout. Sometimes we spend time with a partner simply because it beats being alone. But here I was, over fifty, and for the first time in my life, it was the real thing.
Downing a glass of champagne, I asked Agnes to grab me a couple bottles of water to take with. The company hired to marry us picked us up to bring us to the beach location. We got into this little van. It wasn’t a fabulous limousine or grandiose in any way, but none of that mattered. This wasn’t for show; it was for life.
When we got there and stepped out it was already really hot and muggy. I started to sweat profusely, and it wasn’t because of the heat. It all finally hit me. I was shaking.
The sand was sugary white and the smell of fresh ocean water was overwhelming. I took my shoes off and Carl did the same. We stood on the beach and there was pretty music playing softly in the background on a little boom box. We had a video guy there and while everyone was comfortably dressed and casual in shorts with tropical colors, it still felt very romantic. I had on a cream-colored long ankle-length silky skirt and a gold faux turtleneck short-sleeve little tank top with gold pearls. Not exactly a traditional outfit. Then again, nothing I have ever done is traditional.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Carl look more handsome than that day. He had a great tan and white linen pants with a short sleeve Cuban-style shirt. Instead of having flowers, we both had a Hawaiian lei. The minister was from the Grand Caymans and had long trousers and a really colorful Hawaiian shirt. But as casual as everyone was dressed, it still felt very serious to me. I had no doubts about Carl. But I still had the sweaty jitters.
They sprinkled lavender and dark pink orchids all over for us to stand. I guess that was supposed to be the altar. In the backdrop was the most aqua pristine ocean I had ever seen.
Carl grabbed my hand and it felt like he was holding on for dear life. I started to read what I’d written to Carl and was crying the entire time. I literally couldn’t get through it. It was just so hard to read. Nobody could even hear me because I was talking so quietly.
“It’s amazing what merely being near you does to me. It’s something that goes beyond my control or understanding. Just your physical closeness triggers something primitive deep inside of me. It makes me want — no, need — to touch you, breath you in, become a part of your warmth. I think I can live forever in the shelter of your arms, finding sustenance in your embrace, happiness in smoldering kisses that impress more than words ever could. It’s such a miracle that out of the whole universe you and I found each other. You are the lover I never believed could exist. The one person who could make my fantasies come true. The one person I could love forever.”
When it was all over Carl and I took a walk down the beach. He said, “You were having a really hard time with it. Can you believe we’re actually married?” I was even shaking when I signed the marriage license.
After all the cake and champagne we went back to the Ritz Carlton swimming pool for what I’d loosely call a reception. We basically decided to just go back to the pool and get hammered. We were all hanging out, eating, and splashing around in the water.
Our guests decided they’d take us out for our wedding dinner. Two brought two more of their friends and they joined us for the evening festivities. But one of these strange women began hitting on Carl the whole time. He started to look uncomfortable. I mentioned it to him and he said, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be rude. I’m not doing anything.”
“I know you’re not,” I said. And this was the day I got married no less.
I inched over and sat down next to her. I had a smile on my face the whole time so nobody else would know what was going on. “I just married this man today and I love him dearly, and if you don’t leave him alone I’m going to put your head through a wall.” She didn’t have much to say to that. She left with her friend shortly thereafter. You can take the girl off the basketball court, but you can’t take the basketball out of the girl.
We went back to our room for the big wedding night and I was starting to feel the effects of the whole thing. My stomach was sick from everything. When the smoke cleared, we didn’t consummate our marriage on our wedding night. Two out of three wedding nights, chaste. Ah, another irony for the porn queen!
But waking in Carl’s arms, it was clear why I’d been so nervous all day. I looked and searched so long and hard to find someone who loved me for me. Not because I was Seka, but someone who wanted to be with me, Dottie. I looked at him and realized everything I’d ever wanted was right here.
57. Reflections
If I could live my whole life over again, I wouldn’t do anything differently, because if I did, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. And I happen to like the person I am today.
I’m certainly aware there’s still a stigma attached to having made adult films, and even in what I do today with my website. Hell, I could have become a nun over the past twenty-five years and never erased my “scarlet letter.” But I honestly have no regrets.