So this is about her lackluster attitude! Nazirah makes another mental note to find a garden snake and put it in Bairs’s desk later tonight. “I never asked to be here, Niko!” she complains. “I don’t want any of this.”
Nikolaus circles his chair and stands before Nazirah, leaning back on the desk. Up close, Nazirah can see exactly how tired and strained he looks. When he speaks, the annoyance is gone, replaced by exhaustion.
“And what exactly do you want, Irri?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” she asks. “I want us to leave here, get away from all of this war and violence! I want us to be a family again! You do have a sister who still lives, in case you’ve forgotten.”
Nikolaus’s face hardens, eyes darkening. If Nazirah wanted sympathy from him, she won’t get it now. “Of course I haven’t forgotten!” he spits, slamming his fist on the desk. “Don’t be such a martyr! I’m doing all of this so that we will have a place to go home to! So that we will always have the same opportunities as everyone else, will always have enough to eat! So our children and our children’s children can finally be safe! And I’m not just doing it for us. I’m doing it for every intermix, for every territory-born in Renatus. And you want to – what? – run away and let someone else fight your battles? Let someone else die for you? Do you not understand what we’re trying to accomplish here?”
“That’s not what I meant!”
That’s exactly what she meant. She’s ashamed to admit it to him and especially ashamed to admit it to herself.
“You need to start pulling your weight,” Nikolaus continues, on a roll. “I’ve had it up to here with your moping, piss-poor, woe-is-me attitude. Everyone in this damn place is either an intermix or a refugee. You think you’re the only person with problems? The only person who has suffered?
“You will start going to classes, every damn one! I don’t care how much you hate them! You will show an active interest in the rebellion and everything we aim to achieve, because you are my sister. You’re a role model.”
Nazirah winces; he sounds exactly like Riva and Kasimir. She is so tired of being everybody else’s disappointment. “I’m terribly sorry if my mourning the death of our family is belittling to your authority, Commander,” she says. “You know what? Screw your authority! Our parents wouldn’t have wanted this!” Nazirah waves her arms at the room. “Our parents were all talk, books, and ideas, and look where it got them! Dead … fucking dead. And here we are, orphaned, practically sprinting into the exact same trap.”
“Nazirah, you’re wrong.”
“No, Niko!” she shouts. “We’re turning into exactly what Riva and Kasimir never wanted us to become! They would roll over in their graves if they could see us now!”
“They weren’t buried –”
“It’s an expression, you ass!” she yells. “If they were here, they would tell us to get as far away from this war as possible! You know I want to avenge them as much as you do” – Niko’s eye twitches – “but our parents were fools to think they could change anything in this world! And since we can’t, they would want us to be safe!”
Nikolaus is quiet for a moment. And then gently, so incredibly gently she isn’t expecting it, he takes her shaking hands into his own. “Irri, look around,” he says. “There is no ‘safe’ anymore. Not for people like us. There never was, really. That’s why we need to keep fighting –that’s exactly what we’re fighting for. Riva and Kasimir would be proud of us.” He continues holding her hands, like he’s afraid she’s going to break. “We cannot go back, Nazirah, do you understand? We can only go forward.”
Nazirah doesn’t want to believe him but, in her heart, she knows he’s right. Probably knew it all along. She nods sadly, wanting to leave and crawl under her covers and stay there for good. She takes a small step towards the door, but Niko’s grip on her tightens, preventing her from leaving.
“What is it?”
“I’m sorry to burden you with all this, but there is still more that we need to discuss.”
His tone is different now, cautious and unsure. Nazirah looks at him warily because, of the many things Niko is, he is never hesitant. “Okay.…”
“I know our opinions often differ, and that you are not happy here or with my choice of what to do to protect the remains of our family,” he says. “You have been through so much in the past few months that I don’t want to trouble you with anything else, but I need you to do a favor for me.”
A favor?
“I can try and go to class more,” she says, hoping this is what he’s getting at. “But I’m not promising anything long term.”
“It’s not that,” Nikolaus says, “but I would appreciate the effort.” His eyes dart towards the door, making sure it’s completely closed.
“Niko, you’re freaking me out.”
“Do you trust me?”
What kind of a question is that? He’s her brother! She may not always agree with him, she may not even like him half the time, but of course she trusts him.
“You know I do.”
“I can’t tell you much,” Nikolaus says. “We’ve had a request for an amnesty agreement and I need you to go to the Deathland prison to close the deal.”
Now Nazirah is really confused. Amnesty requests are nothing new. In the four months she’s lived at the compound, Nazirah has heard of several, although she doesn’t know the details of any of them. Amnesty agreements are official pardons granted by the rebels to various Renatus lowlifes and criminals, in exchange for crucial information about the government. Between its strongholds, the rebellion has illicit connections with several prisons around the country, so it’s able to make these negotiations under the Medi radar. Many prisoners request amnesty, but most are rejected because their information is not valuable enough to merit it.
Amnesty pacts are highly classified. The conditions of negotiation and information provided are known only to the commanders. Sending a mere recruit like Nazirah to go and confirm the pact is unheard of. And in the Red West, no less! Is Niko giving her some sort of test?
“I don’t understand.”
“Look, Nazirah,” Niko says. “I know you’ve never done anything like this before, and I know it’s a lot to ask, but I need you to do it for me. It’s an extremely important, time-sensitive matter. We’ve already negotiated the prisoner’s terms, and he’s agreed to ours. You don’t have to talk to him if you don’t want to. You don’t even have to look at him. All you have to do is give him this.” Niko reaches into his pocket and holds up a small pendant. Nazirah recognizes it as the necklace every person granted amnesty must wear. “Oh, and get him to sign his name,” Niko adds as an afterthought. “That’s it, I promise.”
A million questions race through Nazirah’s mind. Amnesty pacts are sacred to the rebels, and are not something entered into lightly. “Why me, Niko?” she asks. “Why can’t you go, or another Commander – or even Aldrik?”
“Because they don’t know about it,” Niko says. “I haven’t told anyone else yet. Not until after the pact is officially made. And I can’t go. Everyone knows who I am, and everyone knows I’m a commander. I’m too noticeable, Irri. People may know your face because you are my sister and because of what happened to our parents, but they won’t recognize you as easily. You’re small, smart, and can think on your feet.
“Listen to me carefully: this amnesty pact is what we need to tip the scales in our favor. What the prisoner is offering is invaluable. I need you to do this for me. You’re the only one I trust to get it done.”
Nazirah remains skeptical, but Niko has a point. And if this is what the rebels need to help them win the war, and get Nazirah home faster, then so be it.
“Of course I’ll do it, Niko,” Nazirah says. “I still don’t understand, but I’ll do it if you really want me to.”
“Thank you.”
“Who’s it for?” she asks.
Nikolaus is silent then. He searches her face, eyes asking something she does not comprehend. Nazirah has the sinking feeling that something is about to happen, something important. Something, something, something … but she cannot begin to imagine what it is.