His good arm’s for the most part paralyzed from the shooting so he can’t go back to work, tries getting a cashier’s job in other restaurants but no work around or times are tough so some of their jobs they have to double up and excuses like that or else they just don’t want him, he thinks, because he doesn’t look healthy anymore and not good for customers’ appetites or something and his clothes are old and out of date and arm stiff like it is and with everything about him unkempt and with possibly more health and accident insurance for them because of his age and wounds from the shooting and maybe they think a possible medical relapse on the job or they know what he did to those killers years ago and feel he brought the new shooting on somehow and don’t want a hothead working for them and then if you’re going to hire a cashier or guy who hangs up coats or things like that, even someone who takes care of the men in the restrooms of the higher-class restaurants, better to have one who can chase not-too-threatening unwanteds out of the place or at least look like he can, finds it more economical than working to just retire, maybe for the time being, and take the small union pension he’ll get and accident insurance from getting shot at work, which isn’t half bad, and in a year full Social Security with the medical coverage the government gives, — care or — caid, calls her a lot but after five and on weekends because it can cost a great deal, it grieves him is the best he can put it that she still talks to him in the same formal way she has since a few years after he went into prison — it wasn’t like that before with her but she was just a girl then and of course things were much different: he lived with Lee, one family, Julie, had a good job and wasn’t a temporary maniac and in fact he was a pretty good father, around average, he thought, fairly relaxed and not at all the browbeating or faultfinding kind — asks to speak to her boys and Glen almost every time after he speaks to her but not much talk there too, Glen kind of quiet and, what’s the word? unforthcoming or something and reserved, the boys always acting shy or don’t know him enough so don’t see why they should have to get on the phone with him so much, which makes some sense and he’d probably feel the same if he was them, tells her how he’s really grown close to her family almost solely by phone, isn’t that funny? and that he’d still like to come see them if she isn’t going to be in his city anytime soon, but come to think of it he can’t afford the fare right now—“Though I still have the same money put away only for you or the boys’ schools, I want you to know, or even for you and Glen if you both lost your jobs or just one of you did and you were suddenly strapped for cash — not much, you understand, so don’t set your hopes when I die on buying a swimming pool with it or building an additional wing to your garage,” and she says “I don’t harbor macabre or calculating thoughts like that and surely not on what I’ll gain monetarily from someone’s death, not that you won’t live past a hundred, and besides, we’ve only one car and park it in the street — Glen gladly takes the bus to work — and we don’t as a rule go in much for building private pools in our area — only a few days get very hot, the community is kind of artistic or professorial with a flock of doctors mixed in and very ecological-minded, and there are already several fine public pools at minimal costs,” and he says “Only kidding, honey, only kidding, about the garage and pool and my death both,” and she says “I know but I felt I had to say something as to how and where we live so you wouldn’t in the future be put in the position of possibly prejudging or just misunderstanding us, and listen, Dad, if you do want to visit us that much, use your savings for us to fly out here and we’ll put you up comfortably for a week at least,” and he says “No, I got to leave something to you, it’s an absolute must in my mind after all I haven’t done — maybe I’ll win the lottery or a big part of one, but if I did that’d mean I’d have to play it and I always thought tossing away dough like that a tremendous waste and dumb escape — excuse me, I hope you or Glen don’t play them,” and she says “
Please, and I don’t even know if we have those games here.”