“But before space …” I tilted my head. “Why? I really want to know why you broke up with me.”
Jake glanced at Beck and Claudia again before inching even closer to me. “You want to talk about that now?”
“I need to know if you blamed me. You said you didn’t …”
He studied me for far longer than I liked, emotion I didn’t understand crossing his expression. Finally he heaved a heavy sigh and nodded. “Okay. Yeah, I blamed you. It was irrational, and stupid, but I was angry. Mostly at myself for letting the shit with Brett go on for months like it did so that it culminated in the most stupid loss of life I’ve ever …” He cursed under his breath, the color leaching from his cheeks as he went on. “There was too much angry in me. And being angry at myself did nothing to dispel it so … I chose to be angry with you. I guess subconsciously, I thought because we were so close that once I was done being angry with you, you’d still be there and you’d forgive me.” He glanced away from me, his jaw tight with tension. “Didn’t work out that way,” he muttered.
We sat for a minute in silence as I tried to process that. I think … I think it helped. And yet it didn’t. I don’t know what I expected but I didn’t expect to feel just as confused as I’d been a few minutes ago.
“Jake, man, you’re in my seat.”
We both jerked our heads up at the sight of Lowe standing with his arms crossed over his chest, a patient smile playing on his lips.
Jake waved at the seat across the aisle he’d vacated. “Take mine.”
Lowe grimaced, “Well, see, I’ve spent a good couple of hours indenting my ass cheeks into that one for optimum ass comfort and I kind of don’t want to go through the whole thing again.”
Glowering, Jake’s eyes held a definite note of suspicion as they swung between me and Lowe. With a grunt of annoyance, Jake slid out of the seat and let Lowe back in beside me.
My whole body breathed deep with relief.
The tense atmosphere between us pulled tight like a cord attached to my chest and lodged into his. Despite the people and the aisle between us, I felt it pulling painfully on me and for the next couple of hours, I watched in a daze as Scotland passed by, wondering how the hell I was going to survive the next three nights around Jake.
The worry buzzing around my brain was only momentarily halted when, what would turn out to be about thirty minutes outside of Fort William, Claudia gasped, “Oh my God.”
“What?” I asked, frowning as I watched her eyes grow brighter and brighter as she stared outside at the deep valley below us.
“Oh my freaking God!” she shrieked.
I winced along with the rest of my friends and about half the passengers in the carriage. “What?”
Her head dipped to her tablet and she tapped away at the screen. Two seconds later she shrieked again.
“Jesus,” Beck groaned, slapping a hand protectively over his ear.
“What the hell is going on?” I asked, suddenly worried she was going to get us kicked off the train.
Claudia just grinned at me like a kid. “We’re on the Harry Potter viaduct that the Hogwarts Express takes!”
That wasn’t at all what I’d been expecting, but the info had me almost slamming my head against the glass to see outside. My eyes took in the familiar scenery and I smiled, “This is so cool.”
“Very,” Lowe agreed, smiling along with me.
“Oh my God!” Claudia threw her hands out, her eyes wide and deadly serious. “Are they taking us to Hogwarts?”
We stared at her, processing her question in silence for a moment.
Laughter burst forth from us along with everyone in the vicinity who’d heard her. Realizing the improbability of her query, Claud blushed and a chuckling Beck put his arm around her and drew her into his side so he could kiss her forehead. “I get stupid when I’m excited,” she mumbled, her lips curling up at the corner so we knew she was taking our teasing laughter in good fun.
By the time we pulled into Fort William, I’d almost forgotten the ache in my chest. But as we stepped onto the platform, breathing in the crisp, cold air, my eyes collided with Jake’s and just like that, the ache was back again.
Claudia had given us a rundown on Fort William prior to our arrival. By the time we stepped into the town, we knew it was the largest in the Highlands, only smaller than the city of Inverness. We knew it was near the famous Ben Nevis, and we knew that it was settled on the shores of Loch Linnhe and Loch Eil. Despite being the largest town in the Highlands, it was still pretty freaking small, but I guess I wouldn’t care about that if I lived in such beautiful surroundings.
The town center was quaint with cobbled streets and, a little like Edinburgh, really old buildings sitting next to more modern ones. When we got two taxis at the station to take us to the lodge, we discovered that our lodge was really just a house in among the homes built into the mountain, rising up away from the town center. Despite the snow-capped tops of the mountains around us, there was no snow on the roads as we wound our way through little suburbia.
To be honest, we weren’t too disappointed when we discovered the “lodge” on a street next to residential homes. The view was unrivaled. Inside the main entrance, one set of stairs led up and another led down. Upstairs held the kitchen, a bathroom, two bedrooms, and a huge sitting room, and at the end of that room, patio doors led onto a balcony. Because we were so high up, we had a fantastic view of Fort William and the glistening loch below.
There were five bedrooms outfitted with twin beds. Beck and Jake took one of the upstairs rooms and Lowe and Matt took the other. Denver and Rowena got a bedroom each downstairs and Claudia and I took the bedroom with the French doors that lead out onto a private terraced garden. We had mountains all around us and no neighbors above. It was so unbelievably peaceful, I just wanted to lock myself out there and the rest of my friends inside.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the plan. Despite the five-hour train ride, Claudia let us have only two hours to freshen up before she called a couple of taxis to take us back down the hill into town for a pub dinner and drinks.
Wrapped up in my winter gear, I headed out with Claudia at my side and kept her there when our taxi driver dropped us off at a recommended pub. Inside, the heat from the roaring fire in the huge brickwork fireplace hit my cheeks and helped me relax. As did the fact that when we were seated at a table, Claudia was on my left, Lowe was on my right, and Rowena was opposite me. This made it much easier to avoid Jake.
After a while the excitement of being somewhere new and scenic set in and we were all laughing and joking, swapping Christmas break stories and bemoaning our academic fate when we returned to Edinburgh.
We were just finishing up dinner when my phone beeped. I pulled it out of my pocket to discover a text from a classmate asking me if I’d done the reading for our first week of classes. I smirked at her zeal and quickly text back that I hadn’t.
“So you do know how to answer that thing after all,” Jake observed somewhat caustically.
Our group stopped talking as I stuffed the phone back in my pocket, my face blank as I met Jake’s stare. I was embarrassed he’d brought up our estrangement in front of everyone, even though it was obvious to them all. Still, I didn’t want to ruin this trip for them and definitely not for Claudia because Jake had decided to corner me. The thing about cornering a confused, emotional woman is that she tends to unleash the claws in defense.
“Depends on who is trying to get in touch with me.”
He raised his eyebrows at my answer and shook his head in hurt disbelief, looking away from me as he took a long gulp of his lager.