I ignored the choking feeling around my throat and slumped back against my chair.
“What was it, anyway?” Lowe asked me quietly as conversation between my friends picked up again. “Hot date?”
“With a reading list? Yes.”
His eyes smiled as he dragged his teeth over his lip ring. My eyes dropped to it and he grinned. “Are you staring at my mouth?”
I glanced away, reaching for my pint. “You’re the one who drew attention to it.”
He laughed and I smiled up into his flirting gaze, ignoring the glower blasting my way from Jake’s direction.
An hour later Jake was so wasted, Beck and Claudia took him back to the lodge. Guilt grabbed hold of me as I watched Beck help an inebriated Jake out of the pub. Inebriated Jake was a sad Jake, and I knew I was the cause of his sadness. It took every ounce of willpower I had to stay seated and not help him back to the lodge.
This evidence that he still cared perhaps a little too much was more proof that there was a huge possibility Jake had broken it off with Melissa because he could no longer be “just friends” with me, either.
Holy hell. What a clusterfuck.
I felt warm, strong fingers thread through mine and I looked up into Lowe’s face.
“Don’t,” he told me quietly. “You’re not doing anything wrong here, Charley. You’re just trying to protect yourself and I don’t blame you.”
His assurance made me feel better and I relaxed into him, still holding his hand. We threw back a couple more beers so we were definitely buzzed a few hours later when the pub owner came over to throw us out because he was closing.
Rowena and Denver helped an almost-sleeping Matt into the taxi, and I climbed in beside Lowe, my hand still tight in his. Arriving back at the lodge, we discovered it was dark and silent so we tried our best to be quiet as we maneuvered Matt inside.
We stood in the hall, Lowe and Denver now holding up a passed-out Matt. “We’ll put him downstairs with you, man,” Lowe said to Denver. “It’s easier to get him down there than upstairs.”
Denver nodded and Rowena and I did our best to help them get Matt to bed quietly. Finally, I said goodnight to them all as Denver closed his door and Rowena disappeared into her room. I was just about to head to the room I shared with Claudia when Lowe grasped hold of my hand and tugged me gently toward him.
Not quite as coordinated as I was when sober, I collided with his strong chest. “Oops,” I giggled, tilting my head back to meet his gaze.
He smirked down at me. “You’re a pretty fucking cute drunk, you know that?”
I wrinkled my nose. “I’m not cute.”
“What’s wrong with cute?”
“It’s so … cute.”
Lowe snorted. “Okay, you’re a pretty fucking cute drunk but you also happen to be an incredibly sexy one too.”
I considered that. “Okay. Bette—”
My answer was swallowed in Lowe’s kiss. Shock blew my rationale to hell and … I kissed him back.
“Come to my room,” he murmured against my mouth.
“Oh God,” I breathed.
“Charley?” His questioning eyes searched mine and he leaned back. “Do you not want to?”
My body definitely liked the idea … but my head …
“You’re Jake’s friend. If this was something more, it might be worth hurting him but … not for just a quick … whatever.”
“Are you shitting me?”
“Not really.”
“Charley … Jake put you through hell last semester, never mind that he broke up with you. I might have been the only one who noticed how hard it’s been for you watching him with Melissa, but it doesn’t mean you didn’t feel all that. Suddenly he breaks up with Melissa and what … you’re just supposed to run to him?”
Attempting to shake off my drunken fog, I frowned at Lowe. “You’re not stupid, Lowe. You’ve got to have seen how he looks at us when we’re hanging out.”
“Yeah, like a jealous boyfriend. But he’s not your boyfriend and he doesn’t get to have his cake and eat it too.”
“I’ve never understood that expression. A cake is for eating.”
Lowe groaned. “Stop being cute when I’m trying to be serious.” He grabbed my hand and because I knew his intent wasn’t to seduce, I followed him as he dragged me upstairs and into his room.
With a sigh, I sat down on Matt’s bed while Lowe lay down on his, kicking off his boots, his gaze questioning but patient. “I know you think I’m letting him dictate what I do but Lowe … he’s your friend. I’m his ex. If you go there, he won’t be happy. I wouldn’t be happy if he went there with Claudia. As I said, if this was serious, then maybe, but we both know it isn’t. You don’t do serious, Lowe.”
After a moment of contemplation, Lowe gave me a reluctant nod, his eyes darkening with sincerity. “If I were the kind of guy who did serious … you’d be it, Charley.”
I smiled at him. “While I appreciate that, I think if I was ‘it’, you’d suddenly be the kind of guy who did serious.”
“Like Jake did?”
The reminder of Jake’s pursuit of me when we were younger cast a pall of sadness over me, but I nodded.
“His head is all messed up, Charley. I’m not saying he doesn’t care about you. What I’m saying is that I care about you, and I don’t want you to be the one who gets hurt again.”
I took a deep, shaky breath. “That’s why I need space. But I’m over being a child about it. I thought I could just avoid him and bury my head in the sand and it would all be okay.”
“But it’s not. You have to talk to him.”
The thought sobered me. “Yeah.”
We were quiet a while, each lost in our own thoughts. Finally, Lowe smiled tiredly. “You want to stay here?”
In answer I slid under the covers, turning on my side to stare at Lowe who was already lying back under the duvet on his bed. “You’re a really good kisser.”
“I know.”
I snorted. “You definitely need to work on your confidence, though.”
“I’m on it.”
Smiling, I snuggled deeper against my cold pillow. “Lowe?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for being such a good friend.”
He was silent so long, I didn’t think he was going to answer, but then he replied quietly, “You make it easy.”
I was almost drifting off to sleep with a small smile on my lips when Lowe whispered, “Charley?”
“Yeah?”
“If I didn’t think it would get me hurt in the end … I’d be the guy who got serious for you.”
His confession hung in the air around us, making tears burn in my eyes. An overwhelming melancholy set over me.
Lowe was a great guy. The kind of guy I could really fall for. But he was right to guard himself against me, because no matter how many times I told myself otherwise, I still hadn’t let go of Jake. I was beginning to fear that I’d lose every good thing that came into my life because I just couldn’t set myself free of him.
Light streamed in from the thin curtains hanging at the small window in Lowe and Matt’s room. My eyes rested on Lowe sprawled on his stomach, his arm dangling over the side of the twin bed, his graceful fingers almost touching the floor.
His face seemed so much softer in sleep, but it could be that after last night, I was feeling especially tender toward him.
Curled up on my side on Matt’s bed, nerves bit into my empty stomach at the mere thought that my friends would assume Lowe and I had slept together if they discovered I wasn’t in my room with Claudia. If I’d been a little more sober last night, I would’ve realized slipping into Matt’s bed was a terrible idea.
At least Jake had gotten so drunk he’d passed out before realizing I’d disappeared into Lowe’s room. The clock on Matt’s bedside table told me it was just before seven in the morning. Nobody would be roaming around yet, so it seemed like a safe plan to get up now. Flipping back the covers, I quietly got out of bed, not bothering to fix my bed head or my wrinkled clothes as I tiptoed toward the door. Passing the mirror fixed to the wall, I saw I had sleep-smeared mascara around my eyes. I looked like I’d been up to no good.