When there were no more tears to shed, she simply lay against him, limp, drained. He slid his hand over her damp cheek and pulled her away so that he could look at her.
“What happened, Tyana?” he asked. “What is it that you’re so afraid to tell me…anyone?”
“That was me back there,” she whispered. “It was me all over again. And no matter how hard I train, no matter how hard I become, it always comes back to me being a defenseless young girl fighting for survival on the streets. I can’t forget her. I can’t make her go away. I don’t want to be her anymore.”
His eyes softened. He carefully got off his knees and moved to sit on the couch beside her. She faced forward, her knees spread, her arms between her legs and her head bowed.
“Tyana, she’ll always be there,” Eli said softly. “She’s an important part of who you are.”
She shook her head.
“Tell me about her.”
She turned her head to look at him, not sure she could get the words past her frozen lips. He reached out and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and let his hand linger there at her temple.
God. Where to start?
Chapter Twenty-Two
Tyana drew in several long, steadying breaths. Eli’s fingers still touched lightly at her temple, drawing a line down her cheek and back up again.
“My earliest memory is of an orphanage in Prague. I remember being cold and hungry, and there were children crying. I don’t know how I got there. Later I was scornfully told that my mother had dumped me on the doorstep and ran as fast as she could, but who knows if that’s real or just the drummed up version of what they told every kid there.
“I used to hide in one of the corners, just hoping to escape notice. That’s where Damiano found me. He was older, but skinny as I was and as dirty. I’ll never forget how he took my hand and told me it would be okay, that he’d look out for me.”
She bowed her head as another hot tear trailed down her cheek.
“He kept his promise,” she whispered. “He took so much for me. Always put himself in front of me when the headmistress was angry or when the men came every month to select the orphans they wanted for the workhouses.
“As we got older, Damiano filled out more. He got bigger. I didn’t develop the curves that the other girls did, and while I didn’t understand then why that angered the headmistress, I realize now it was because she had every intention of selling me to the highest bidder.
“She ran a profitable business. Young virgins offered at premium prices. Damiano was so determined to protect me from that. When I did finally begin to have the semblance of breasts, he made me wrap them to keep my chest flat. We stayed as filthy as possible so no one would want us. Boys, especially good-looking boys like Damiano, were just as in demand as the girls.”
Eli slid his hand up her back and palmed the back of her neck, massaging lightly, but he never said a word. He just listened.
“I think the headmistress caught on to us because one night she locked me in a room by myself. Later a man showed up. I was asleep. When I woke, he was there…” Her breath caught on a sob and she raised her hands to her throat in panic.
“It’s all right, Tyana,” Eli said soothingly. “I’m right here, sugar. Nothing can hurt you here.”
“It hurt,” she said in a small voice. “I couldn’t fight him. I just lay there crying while he took his pleasure.”
Eli pulled her into his arms, his fingers tight at her waist. She could feel the pounding of his heart and the tension in his big body.
“Damiano found me the next morning. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes. He helped bathe me, and then he told me to wait for him, that we were getting out, but that first he had something to do.”
She turned her head up to Eli. “He killed her,” she whispered. “He killed the headmistress, and I wasn’t sorry. I hated her. I wanted her to die.”
There was no condemnation in Eli’s eyes. Anger, sorrow, but no judgment. She lowered her head again.
“Damiano came back, took my hand and we fled into the streets. For months we existed hand to mouth, doing whatever we had to in order to survive. We stole, Damiano sold himself, just so we didn’t starve. I hated myself for that. Hated that he sacrificed everything for me. I was at a point where I was willing to prostitute myself so that I could feed us both, and Damiano would have a warm place to sleep, where he’d be safe.
“He completely flipped out. I’ve never seen him so angry with me, never before then and never since.”
Eli pressed a kiss to the top of her head and stroked her hair.
“One night I picked the pocket of a young man, only he was on to me in two seconds flat. He chased me down and grabbed me by the scruff of the neck. He had a friend with him, and they laughed as I threatened to kill them. I don’t think they believed me, but I would have.
“Damiano damn near killed himself trying to take them on, but they weren’t even trying to hurt us. When we realized that, we took off as fast as we could.”
“Jonah?” Eli asked.
She nodded. “And Mad Dog. They didn’t catch us that night, but they tracked us down two days later. I still don’t know why they did it. Maybe they felt sorry for us. But they took us in. Didn’t offer us sympathy. Just asked if we wanted a better life. It took a long time for them to earn our trust but when they did, it never wavered. We owe them our lives. We would have never survived on the street.”
“You would have,” Eli murmured. “You’re a survivor, Tyana.” He levered away from her and framed her face in his hands. “You’re one of the bravest and gutsiest people I know, man or woman. Damiano is lucky to have you.”
She shook her head adamantly. “No, I’m the one who’s lucky. I wouldn’t have lasted a day in that orphanage if it weren’t for him. He saved me.”
Eli kissed her forehead tenderly then slid his lips down to kiss each eyelid as they fluttered underneath his mouth.
“I think you saved him as well,” he said softly.
She closed her eyes and leaned until her forehead touched his. “I can’t lose him, Eli.”
“I know, sugar. And you won’t. We’ll find a way.”
Such simple words, and yet they lifted her up, filled her with such comfort. She wasn’t alone. Not anymore. Eli was helping her.
“You need to eat, and then I need to clean you up,” he said. “I’m beginning to think you’re using your face as a battering ram.”
She smiled and to her surprise got teary-eyed again. He smudged the moisture with his thumb then kissed the spot just below her eye.
“You managed to salvage the food?” she asked.
“Uh huh. Not much gets between me and my food.”
Relief, warm and liquid, pooled in her soul. He wasn’t disgusted by her raw account of her childhood. He wasn’t horrified by all she’d done and by all that had been done to her. For the first time in her life, she wondered if there was room for one more person in her heart.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Eli watched Tyana nibble at an empanada and was at a loss as to how to react to all she’d told him. He couldn’t sit there and say it didn’t matter, nor could he ignore the enormity of the fact that she’d shared such intimate details of her past with him.
What did he do? It didn’t feel right to take her to bed and make long, sweet love to her, though it was precisely what he wanted. He wanted to make her forget, to let her know that it didn’t matter to him, that only she mattered. But at the same time, how could he be sure that he wouldn’t shatter her already fragile emotions? Wouldn’t bring back those terrible memories of another man in another place?