Madeline waited.
“Force times distance. In other words, it’s not just how hard you push something. It’s also how far you move it. If you push with all your strength against a wall, and it doesn’t move an inch, you haven’t performed any work And this” — she brandished the score sheets — “this doesn’t move anything. It certainly doesn’t move me.”
“I don’t understand,” Madeline said. “When you talk about walls—”
“You’re beating your head against one,” Adelaide said briskly, “if you expect to get anywhere with this. And you’re wasting my time.”
It’s your song, Madeline told herself. You’ve got your whole life tied up in it and this woman just told you it’s no good. This is your chance. If you can’t win her with the song, win her with the way you feel about it.
She willed her face to sag in disappointment. “I’m very sorry,” she said stiffly, reaching to gather the score sheets and take them from Adelaide. “I certainly had no intention of wasting your time.”
She walked to the door, turned the knob, drew it open. She turned, looking on the verge of tears. “Thanks anyway,” she managed, her voice breaking on the second word, and then she was through the door and drawing it shut behind her.
A moment or two passed. She heard the knob start to work around, as the door was about to open once more. She quickly planted her forearm against the wall and buried her face in it, in an attitude of crushed, heartbroken youthful despondency. She even made her shoulders quiver a little, as if with soundless sobs.
The door opened, and she knew Adelaide was standing watching her.
“Kid.” Adelaide’s husky voice softened a little. At least, insofar as it was capable of softening. “Sorry I was so rough on you, kid. Forget about it, and come on back in. I won’t buy your songs, but I’ll buy you a drink on the house. It’s a lonely, dreary Tuesday afternoon.”
Madeline slowly prepared to unearth her face and turn it, giving herself time to form a timid, tremulous smile on it. But underneath she was exultant. She was In.
Women can often form friendships with one another far more easily and far more quickly than men can. For one thing, their egos are less brittle, less ready to take offense and bridle at some misconstrued word or action. Once the pact is a fact, has been accepted, they are less inclined to stand on their dignity with one another, they show far less reserve toward one another. That is because a number of the precipitant factors producing this are lacking. They are seldom if ever financially jealous of one another per se, and by the same token are apt to be more trustworthy financially with regard to one another. The throat-cutting urge of business is lacking.
It was pity that opened Adelaide to the possibility of friendship with Madeline, pity combined with the guilt she felt over her outburst. But pity and guilt can only sustain a relationship for a certain amount of time before the object of pity becomes the object of resentment for having burdened the other party with an unpleasant emotion. In this case, the two women moved quickly past the stage of pity and guilt to the foundation of a deeper relationship.
Madeline realized, as she came to know Adelaide, that she filled a need the other woman had for a friend. She was someone to talk to, someone to confide in. At the same time, she was someone to lead and to instruct, someone to whom Adelaide could feel superior.
“Call me Dell,” she told Madeline early on. “What’s Adelaide, anyway? A city in Australia. I bet you’ve never been to Australia.”
“You’re right.”
“Neither have I, but I’ve been enough places to know I don’t have to go there. You know why? Because all places are the same. Or, even if they’re different, I’m the same person wherever I go. And the life I’d find there would be the same life I fall into wherever I go. There’d be the same kind of men, even if they spoke with different accents. They’d want the same thing from a girl and offer the same thing in return as they do here. I’d be singing the same songs and hearing the same line of crap from everybody I met.”
“You sound bitter,” Madeline offered.
“Do I? That’s good news. You’re better off being bitter than sweet. If you’re sweet, the world’s full of people looking to eat you up. When you’re bitter enough, they take one taste and walk away.”
“And that’s what you want?”
“That’s how I stay alive,” Dell said.
While friendship softened Dell’s attitude toward Madeline, it didn’t make her change her mind about the music Madeline had written. “These aren’t songs,” she said flatly. “From the looks of what you’ve done, you don’t know anything about putting a melody line together, let alone figuring out the chords. If you had a great sense of melody, you could get somebody else to work out the chords and do up a lead sheet, but I don’t see any of that here. Why are you so hipped on writing songs, anyway?”
“It just feels like something I have to do.”
“Yeah,” Dell said. “Well, I can understand what that feels like. Anything that gets in your blood that way, it’s hard to find a way to say no to it. If you’re lucky, the desire and the talent come in the same package. But some unlucky people get the one without the other. Of course, if you get the talent and not the desire, it’s not necessarily the worst thing in the world. I knew a girl, I swear she had a voice like an angel. Unbelievable pipes. And not just the raw material. Her phrasing, her timing, everything was right about her. Everything but one thing.”
“What was that?”
“She didn’t have the desire. She didn’t care about it. She could have been a headliner right off the bat, and she probably could have made it big. Records, television, maybe even the movies. She had that kind of talent. But without the drive she didn’t put up with the crap that’s part of the business, and you know what happened to her?”
“What?”
“She met a real nice guy and married him, and the only singing she does now is to her husband and her kids, and she’s living in a house in the suburbs and happy as a clam. Doesn’t sound so bad, does it?”
“I guess not.”
“That’s what happens when you got the talent and not the drive. When it’s the other way around, you got a lifetime of disappointment. Well, what the hell — that’s what you get when you’ve got the drive and the talent, too, because this is a business where even the winners lose most of the time. But at least there are a few victories along the way, something to keep your hopes up.”
“And I don’t have any talent?”
“Not in the music department. But I’ll tell you something, much as I hate to encourage you—”
“What?”
“Some of your lyrics aren’t so bad. None of ’em really work, because a lyric can’t exist in a vacuum. A lyric’s not a poem, it’s the verbal part of a song, and it has to be suited to a melody. A really good lyric, even when it’s all by itself, has a melody locked up inside it waiting for a composer to find it and yank it out. You don’t have lyrics in that sense, but you’ve got bits and pieces that show a certain flair.”
“Like what?”
Dell thumbed through Madeline’s papers. “Well, like this,” she said. “‘You and I together all alone, in a little country of our own, where the population’s only two.’ That’s just a fragment, but there’s something about it I like. But that doesn’t mean it’s a lyric yet.”
“Maybe I can work on it.”
“Maybe you can, but I don’t know why you’d want to bother. When you stop to think about it, all songs say the same thing. They all tell you love’s wonderful, one way or another. Some say it hurts and some say it’s a picnic, but they all think it’s what makes the world go round. You think the world needs to hear that message again?”