My pulse quickened, and I wanted to shoot this motherfucker and save a bullet for Annie’s dad. I was a professional warrior; I knew how to control my emotions. But this was unbelievable.
“Believe me. I begged him to reconsider. I told him we could detox her, and that she’d be hailed a survivor. And with therapy she could integrate back into society. But he wouldn’t consider it. He firmly reminded me of the one million dollar non-disclosure agreement I’d signed. I didn’t have a fucking choice. I haven’t ever told anyone, except you guys. You can’t tell anyone—we have an unbreakable code.”
“I won’t.” He was right. We would never repeat what he was telling us to anyone. Especially since he knew we’d been the ones to rescue Annie. He could ruin our careers. But if I hadn’t told him, he would’ve never talked to me. I needed to know the truth about Mr. Hamilton.
“I racked my brain, thinking of anything I could do to save her. Go rogue, convince my partner Taylor to back me. But he wouldn’t even discuss it, and I couldn’t do it myself. We were ordered to go back a final time to verify with one hundred percent certainty that it was Annie. Which we did.”
He paused and I wondered if he was reminiscing about fucking Annie, remembering her and Nicole going to town on each other. His own personal porno. I watched Matt’s thin lips and I pictured them all over Annie’s body. Her stroking his limp dick. My hand was on the trigger of my gun. Give me an excuse to kill you motherfucker. “Leaving them in that room was the hardest thing I’d ever done. Knowing that I’d found them, but was abandoning them to die. I told the girls I’m sorry, and walked out the door. When I returned to the States, I finished my remaining contracts and quit. I couldn’t work with these people with no integrity. Private contract work is nothing like being in the Teams. There’s no morals, no law.”
I sat there in silence. Completely blown away. I couldn’t even process all the emotions I was feeling.
Finally, I broke the silence. “Nicole died. She overdosed six months later. She’d be alive today if you hadn’t been such a pussy.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. “I figured she did. I fucking hate myself, man. I drank myself into oblivion, started doing coke. Ended up in rehab. Don’t have a girl, or a job, living off the disability I get from the VA. I mean, being on the Teams was my life. I was a great SEAL. I’m sure you guys know that, if you did your research on me. Nothing was more important to me than being the best warrior I could be. I pushed away my girlfriend, my family, my friends. Always used the excuse that she couldn’t be faithful when I was away, or that I would be a horrible husband because of my job. That’s my other regret, besides not saving Annie and Nicole, is not marrying my girlfriend. I stalked my ex on Facebook recently. She’s a great woman, married to a Marine, has two beautiful boys. I fucking loved her, but I completely fucked that relationship up. Cheated on her, lied to her. Thought everyone should kiss the ground I walked on and just take my bullshit, because I was a SEAL. I used to be just like you guys, and now I’m just the old Team guy in the bar, reliving my glory days when I play So Com in my studio apartment.”
I’d had enough. Didn’t want to listen to his sob story anymore, feeling sorry for himself. But every word he said resonated with me. “You could’ve saved her. Despite her dad. At least fucking told someone, anyone she was alive. You condemned her to three more years of hell. And Nicole’s death is on you. There is no excuse for that. ‘I serve with honor on and off the battlefield.’ Remember our code?”
He squinted his eyes. “Don’t fucking judge me. You’re just like me. I didn’t have a choice.”
“No, Matt. I’m nothing like you. I met Annie in a brothel, too. Hired her. But unlike you, I came back. I saved her. I risked my job, my life for her. That’s what we do. That’s our oath.”
“I voluntarily accept the inherent hazards of my profession, placing the welfare and security of others before my own.”
I needed to get the fuck out of his truck. Imagining his hands all over my Annie made me want to pop him in the head. “I won’t tell anyone. Not for your sake, for Annie’s. You better continue to keep your mouth shut.”
We bailed shortly after. I’d given my word to Matt that I wouldn’t tell Annie that I met him. And I never lied to SEALs, even former ones. I had to come up with another route. And I needed to deal with her father. But before I went one step further, I had to figure out how I felt about Annie. It was time for me to step up and commit. To her.
24.
I stopped at the florist near my house to get Annie flowers. I chose a bouquet of wild flowers, nothing too pure and pretty. Carefree, damaged, and finally free, just like her. Matt had rattled me. I didn’t want to end up like him. I was starting to think that Annie was my perfect match, strong, loyal, a survivor. And her fine ass didn’t hurt either.
I opened the door and Annie was sitting out on my small balcony, Trigger at her feet. She wasn’t reading, on her phone, or listening to music. I admired her ability to just enjoy each moment of freedom, without having to always be busy. I needed to learn to do that.
“Hey babe.”
Her face lit up when she saw me. She bounded over to me and gave me a kiss. “These are gorgeous. Thank you. How was work?”
I winced. I hated lying to her. I vowed to be honest with her from now on, but I couldn’t tell her where I’d been. I’d given Matt my word. “Good. An old Team guy stopped by. Hey, let’s get out of here. I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy with work I haven’t taken you anywhere since we’ve been back. Anything you’ve been dying to do since you’ve returned?” I had plenty of suggestions, but they all seemed wrong. My first thought was Sea World but I doubted that Annie wanted to spend the day watching animals kidnapped and forced into captivity to perform tricks for strangers.
“Disneyland? I have to, for Nicole.”
Shit. I hadn’t been to Disneyland since I was a kid. I’d take Annie there since it meant something to her, but I had a better idea. “Pack a bag. Let’s go.”
Her face brightened. I surprised myself by how much I enjoyed making her happy.
I sent Kyle a quick text.
An hour later, we were headed up the I-5 to Anaheim.
We pulled into the Downtown Disney Parking lot and dropped Trigger off at the Disneyland Kennels just right outside the gate. We headed straight over to Disney California Adventure Park. I’d never been here. We used our fast pass for Soarin’ Over California, which I actually loved: seeing all the beautiful parks, lakes, monuments of my home state made me happy to be back home. Normally when I was on leave, I was itching to return back to sea. But for the first time in memory, I was taking joy in everyday life. Spending time with Annie made everything more enjoyable.
We hit some more rides, hopped over to Disneyland, and grabbed a quick bite to eat.
Annie was enjoying herself, but I knew this wasn’t really her scene. She hated crowds, and was pretty jumpy with the loud noises from the rides. She was doing this for Nicole.
“I’m ready to go, Pat. But I need to do something first.”
We walked to the main entrance of Disneyland, and Annie’s eyes were glued to the ground. There were hundreds of tiny memorial pavers. She paced up and down the rows and finally stopped. There was a small one that read: The Race Family. December 8, 2006.
Annie knelt down and traced the stone with her hands. Tears filled her eyes. I didn’t want to ruin her moment, so I stood back, unsure of what to say. She took out some Krazy Glue from her purse. She removed the necklace I gave her in the brothel, took the chain off, and glued it to Nicole’s paver.