“It's all very generous, Cal. I'm just a little stunned that you want me out here so soon. I wasn't expecting that.” She still sounded worried about it, in spite of the on-signing bonus, which was more than generous, it was outstanding.
“I wasn't expecting Charlie to give me two weeks’ notice. I'm sorry to put pressure on you, Meredith, but the heat is on all of us. Shall we say the fifteenth?”
“I guess we have to. I'll just have to fly back to New York on weekends, when Steve's not working. He can come out midweek when he's off. We'll work it out,” but she was concerned about what Steve would say about it. She was meeting him at the hotel at four o'clock, and they were flying back to New York on a six o'clock flight.
Cal gave her a big hug when she left, and told her to call him if there was anything he could do to help, and she told him to call her if he needed any input from her before she got there, and he laughed at that.
“Are you kidding? I'll be following you around every ten minutes for the next three weeks, Meredith. I hope everything goes smoothly at your end.” He knew her partners were going to be upset, but as far as he was concerned, they deserved it. The one she was really worried about was her husband. It was going to be a tough two and a half months not living with each other, she wasn't looking forward to it, and she knew he wouldn't either.
But as usual, he surprised her. “If that's what it takes sweetheart, then so be it. You have to go for it now, it won't wait, and I'll be there before you know it.” Once again, she told him he was amazing.
They talked about it again on the plane, and Steve said he could take care of selling the apartment, and he reassured her that he was willing to fly out to San Francisco to see her whenever he had a few days’ break from the trauma unit.
“You know,” Steve confessed to her somewhere over the Rocky Mountains, with a glass of wine in his hand, “I liked Cal a lot more than I thought I would. From what you said,” he confessed, looking a little sheepish, “before that, I was a little jealous of him. But I think his motives are pure. I think he has enormous respect for you, but he's only interested in his business.” Meredith was happy to hear it, and she had always had the same impression. They had gotten very close to each other on the trip, but not in any way she had ever really worried about. They were good friends and devoted colleagues. “I like his kids too. They're nice. Too bad about their mother.” Meredith nodded, glancing out the window, and then she saw that Steve was looking at her with a gentle smile, and she suspected what was coming.
“Speaking of which, what do you think if, after you've been there for a while, a few months maybe, maybe six … we start thinking about a baby.” She'd be thirty-eight by then, and there was no denying that it was getting to be time, if that was what they decided they wanted. She had always said that if they had children, she wanted them before she was forty. And if they started pursuing a pregnancy in the next six months, she'd be thirty-nine when the baby came. Medically, Steve had always been uneasy about her starting their family any later.
“Why don't we see how things are going then?” she said vaguely. It was an old refrain he knew only too well. And he was disappointed by her answer.
“If we keep waiting to ‘see,’ I'll be ninety and we'll still be talking about it. Meredith, one of these days, you're going to have to bite the bullet.” He thought she was physically afraid of pregnancy and delivery and he wasn't entirely wrong, but she was far more afraid of the commitment a baby would require of her.
“Why do I have to bite the bullet?” she said, looking disturbed. She knew she owed him a lot after what he was willing to give up in New York, but she wasn't sure she wanted to make a baby part of the deal. In fact, she knew she didn't, and she didn't want to make false promises to him. All she wanted now was to help Cal expand his business. To her, that was a lot more exciting than having children.
“Cal seems to be able to manage a family on his own, and to run a business. I think you could do it too, Merrie. I'll help you.”
“I know you would,” she said, looking upset. “I just don't know what I want yet.”
“Maybe you never will until you just do it.”
“And then what? What if I hate it? What if it's just too much for me, if it screws up my career, or we decide we can't handle it with both our jobs? You can't send it back if you don't like it.”
“I can't imagine you not loving a baby,” he said gently.
“Kids scare me,” she said honestly. “I'm not like you. You're some kind of pied piper with them. They always look at me like the witch in Sleeping Beauty.” He laughed at the comparison and leaned over and kissed her.
“No kid of mine is going to think you're a witch. I promise.”
“We'll talk about it again when we get settled.” She dismissed the idea as summarily as she always had, for the past fourteen years, and turned her mind to other things. It always made her feel anxious to talk about having babies. ‘‘ When are you going to give them notice at the hospital?” She asked him the question as much to distract him from an awkward topic as because she wanted to know the answer.
“As soon as we get back, I guess. I want to give them three months’ notice. This way, I can be out West with you by Christmas.” It sounded perfect, except for the time they'd be commuting before that, but Steve had assured her it would go quickly, and she would certainly be busy. “What about you?” he asked.
“I'm going to tell them tomorrow.” She had stayed away an extra day, and she was beginning to wonder if they suspected something. “They're not going to like it.”
“Cal is right on that score. They deserve it. They don't appreciate you.”
But apparently, they appreciated her more than he or Cal thought they did. They were devastated when she told her partners the next morning. They couldn't believe it. Particularly when she told them she was leaving in three weeks for California. But after the initial shock, they were gracious about it, and gave her a very pleasant dinner the week before she left. It was hard to believe that a twelve-year-long chapter in her career was ending.
And as she sat in their apartment with Steve the night before she left, with open suitcases all around, she looked at her husband in amazement.
“It's like going off to college or something, isn't it? I still can't believe it.”
“Neither can I,” he admitted with a grin, “but I love it.” He had told the hospital he would be leaving and they were shocked, but happy for him. Lucas was particularly sorry about it, because he knew it meant that it would be at least another year before he could leave trauma for research. But they were already looking for someone to take Steve's place, although they had no prospects yet. And if they found someone soon enough, Steve had promised to train them. The one thing he had promised them was that he wouldn't leave until they had a replacement. And the hospital in California had agreed to go along with it, even if it delayed him slightly. They had been entirely reasonable about it.
Steve left for the hospital when she left for the airport the next day. It was a Sunday, and it had been an emotional week for her. She had left her office for the last time on Friday, and she was sorry to leave her friends there. There had been some tears, some warm good-byes, and a lot of good wishes. And as she turned to leave the apartment, she glanced around as though she was never coming back again, trying to remember what she'd forgotten.