Damn him, I thought, turning on the shower. I should never have slept with him. I gambled and lost everything that night, including my closest friend. And having sex tonight with War while Bryan watched just brought the all too stark contrasts between the two men into sharp focus. The deep emotional connection, the heart melting tenderness, the intense pleasure I’d experienced in just the one night of lovemaking with Bryan was something I’d never come close to duplicating with War. And no matter how many times I reminded myself how badly hurt I’d been afterward or tried to convince myself that the passage of time had exaggerated the experience, it didn’t stop me from wanting to be with him again.
After a brief shower, I wrapped my kimono around myself and exited, relieved to see the curtain to Bryan’s bunk was closed. I reentered the bedroom and found War beside the nightstand, his belt to use as a tourniquet, a spoon, some cotton, a glass of water, and a couple of syringes lying on top of it like an illicit banquet.
My gaze met his.
“I know you said you were trying to cut back, babe. But it’s been a couple of days and I figured you might need a little something. It’s just a small dose. I know my heart’s still racing from the lines we did earlier.”
He was right. I’d never sleep tonight without it. This was who I was now. This was what I needed. Sinking down on the edge of the mattress, I nodded, held out my arm, and let him do me up.
9
The bus was parked when I finally rejoined the land of the living. War snored softly sprawled out on his stomach in the bed beside me. Sunlight seeped in through the heavily tinted windows. I sat up slowly, groggy and more than a little nauseated. I put my head in my hands, tears I swore never to shed burning behind my eyelids.
I was such a failure.
I couldn’t make it more than a few days without needing another hit.
Sighing heavily, I picked up War’s cell from the nightstand. Eleven already. I’d been out for ten hours. Looking outside, I saw roadies moving in and around the tour bus parked beside us. Quietly, I pulled on a distressed pair of jeans and drew a purple long sleeve Henley with lace sleeves over my head. As soon as I opened the door, the smell of coffee and doughnuts hit me and my stomach lurched.
“Morning,” my brother mumbled, wearing yesterday’s clothes of course, his gaze washing over me. “You look like shit.”
“So do you.” I gave him the finger. “Who’s in the bathroom?” I asked.
“King.”
My chin dropped. I’d been on the bus enough days to know what that meant.
“Yeah, it’ll be a while.” Dizzy banged on the door. “King, how many times I gotta tell you, brother. Shit, shower and shave. It shouldn’t take more than fifteen minutes. Get your sorry ass out already!”
Even through my nausea, I had to smile at my brother. “The three s’s, huh?”
Dizzy chuckled. “King’s a total diva with his morning routine. He even has moisturizer.”
“I hear you, pendejo,” King’s muffled voice drifted out.
I shook my head and shuffled down the aisle to the front of the bus, swiping my sunglasses off the counter as Dizzy shut the door to the fridge. He handed me a bottled water. “You should try to stay hydrated.”
“Sure,” I mumbled, taking a seat at the banquette.
Dizzy took a seat on the bench opposite me. “Lace,” he started, rubbing his hands on his jeans. “You sure you’re doing the right thing getting back with War so soon after Martin?”
“Are you seriously giving me grief about my love life?” I arched a brow in disbelief. “That’s just wrong on so many levels.”
He had the decency to look ashamed, but his gaze remained steady. “I should’ve been more outspoken how I felt about Martin. I hate what he did to you, Lace. All those times I called you never let on how things were, and now the shit you’re doing with War. I…”
“Don’t,” I cut him off. “No lecturing, alright. You’ve got no right. It’s not like you’re a Boy Scout.”
“That’s different. You’re my sister.” He sighed, his eyes searching mine. “I’m worried about you.”
“Don’t be.” I shrugged. “I’m alright, Diz. I’m all grown up now. You’re not responsible for me anymore.” I covered his hand. “I just need to level off some. Then I’ll be fine.”
I didn’t get the sense that he was buying any of it.
“What’s the deal for today?” I tried to inject some enthusiasm into my voice before I took a small sip of water.
“Same as Boston. Room keys are at the front desk if you wanna unwind inside the hotel. The whole tenth floor’s exclusive for the tour. Catered breakfast and lunch. Sound check at noon. Band has to be at Wells Fargo Center by seven.”
Ok.” I nodded. “I’m going to go get one of those keys now since King’s commandeered the commode.” I patted him on the back as I made my way past.
After a wonderfully long hot shower in a decent sized bathroom, I felt a lot better. I wasn’t really hungry but I knew I should probably try to eat something. Following my nose, I wandered down the hall to an open area where an elaborate breakfast buffet was laid out. It was so late. I really expected to dine alone.
Wrong.
My stomach flipped. Avery Jones was even more beautiful in person, red hair, green eyes and her leather vest and merino wool cowl sweater were obviously some rad designer. I felt shabby and self-conscious by comparison in my no name faded shirt and worn jeans.
“Morning.” Well, Miss Perfect actually graced me with a greeting. What was the protocol? Should I bow?
I decided to ignore her. I selected a banana, a yogurt, and a muffin, and poured myself a cup of coffee. Balancing my bounty, I turned.
Brutal Strength’s celebrity guitarist was appraising me with a speculative expression.
My spine straightened. Bring it. She was just a person same as me. “This seat taken?” I asked haughtily, indicating the chair across from her.
“No. Have a seat.” Her full lips lifted into a soft smile. “I’m Avery.”
“Lace Lowell.” I wasn’t buying the nice act. I made up my mind right then that I wasn’t going to like her. For one thing, she had probably slept with Bryan. Just the thought of his hands or lips on her was reason enough by itself. I worried that all she would have to do to get him running back to her was to crook her little manicured finger.
Besides, she was a successful musician, engaged to the man she wanted and who wanted her, and it seemed like she had her shit together while my life was a complete and utter mess. I didn’t want to look any deeper than that. I didn’t want to admit, even to myself, that Avery represented everything that I wished I had and wanted to be.
“I saw you the other night at the meet and greet in Boston,” Avery began as I peered at her over the steam from my coffee. “You come down to Philly on the Tempest bus?”
I nodded noncommittally.
“Lowell.” Avery’s brow creased slightly. “You related to Dizzy?”
“Yeah. He’s my brother.”
“So you’re War’s…girlfriend?”
“Yeah,” I hissed, spine snapping straight. “Who’d you think I was? Some random groupie?”
“No.” Avery’s auburn brows lifted in response to my venomous tone. “Only I’ve never seen Tempest bring a woman from one stop to the next. So I just didn’t know…”
“I’m no whore if that’s what you’re trying to imply,” I interrupted.
“I didn’t mean any offense.” Avery’s lips pressed into a frown. “I’m sorry. We seem to have started off on the wrong foot somehow.”
Damn straight. I’d like to stomp on those Vince Camuto suede wedges of yours.