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“War,” I said low, swiping a thumb across the condensation on my glass. “Did you ever stop to think maybe that isn’t what she wants? This lifestyle, being in the business, it’s hard. It’s not for everyone. She’s really into fashion. She could still go back to school.”

“Bullshit.” He snorted. “That’d be a fucking waste.” He slammed his beer down so hard the glass clattered on the granite surface of the bar. “Lace is going to be up on that stage in Atlanta. Rolling Stone is coming to do a feature on us and it’s the perfect opportunity for her. And I want you to back me up on this. With the band and with her. You’re way too soft on her. Always have been.” War clapped me on the back as though that would soften his words. “Don’t take this the wrong way. I love that bitch, you know I do.”

Yeah I knew. Though I was beginning to think more and more not enough and not the way she deserved. I scrubbed a hand over my head. I felt stretched to the snapping point just like back then.

2 years ago

“What’s up?” War jogged up to me on the city sidewalk.

“Nothing much,” I replied, keeping my hands in my jacket pockets. I wasn’t up to our usual fist bump.

“Didn’t you hear me calling you?”

I shook my head. I’d heard him alright, but I didn’t feel like talking. Not to War, not right now, not so soon after the beach. I just wanted to get home and try to figure out what I was going to do. It’d only been a couple of days since I’d had Lace’s tongue in my mouth, and I was torn between the two of them and the guilt was eating me up alive.

“I wanted to tell you Dizzy’s girlfriend came through. We got the gig at Lakeside.”

“Cool,” I replied with less enthusiasm than the news warranted. Lakeside was a huge deal. Lots of industry types hung out looking for the next big thing, ever since the Dirt Dogs had been discovered there.

“You don’t sound too excited.”

I shrugged.

“Girl problems?”

I froze.

“Don’t I know it,” War continued on as if I’d answered in the affirmative. “Lace’s got me all tied up in fucking knots.” He laughed and pushed my shoulder. “I mean I wish she’d let me tie her up.”

I let out an uneven breath, and tried to zone out of the conversation. Dizzy was right. Keeping my feelings for Lace hidden was not a viable long term plan.

“I’ve never known a girl like her. Hot as shit. She’s one in a million, man.”

I nodded. That was Lace all right.

“You know, bitches been dropping their panties for me since middle school,” War bragged, voice lowering to a confidential level as we reached the bus stop and sat down on the bench. “But with her, when it really matters, it’s like she’s got ‘em super glued on.”

Ok that was it. Now I wanted him to shut the fuck up.

“Eighteen months we’ve been an exclusive deal and I still haven’t convinced her to go all the way.”

My eyes widened.

“I know, man.” War snorted. “I must have the worst case of blue balls ever.” He pulled a hand through his long hair. “To put up with that, I must love her, right?”

My chest burned.

“Getting ready to remedy the situation. I’ve got a plan to make her first time special, you know, romantic and all that shit. She knows I’ve got a hotel room reserved for after prom. You think you could talk Dizzy into covering for her with their uncle so she can be out all night?”

“Bryan. Hey,” War called. “You really spaced out on me. Don’t worry so much. Everything’s always gonna be cool with you and me. Bros before hoes, right?” He glanced at his cell display. “Speaking of hoes, it’s been a couple of hours. I better go find mine. Hope, I’ve given her enough time to cool off.”

13

All by myself in the front lounge of the bus, I stared out the window, watching the snowflakes drift down one after another adding to the already foot and a half high berms along I-95. We were headed south on our way to the Atlanta show. War was passed out in the back. He’d been like that since I finally returned late last night. He’d made me so mad earlier that I’d skipped the show, wandered around Philly until it got dark, and then camped out in a local book store thumbing through fashion magazines until they closed.

It was nearing dawn and I still hadn’t slept any. I rested my head in my hands. The Appalachian pines stood along the roadside, lonely sentinels, tall and dark except for their adornment of white. A similar winter wonderland scene had been the picture on the front of our prom invitations. Prom and Bryan had been on my mind nonstop since our conversation in the elevator.

2 years ago

I set the vellum prom invitation down on my comforter and crossed to the dresser, looking at myself in the mirror. I was in love with this dress. So what if it didn’t fit the winter theme. It was a genuine vintage sixties dress with spaghetti straps, a straight bodice, and a black lace skirt over a blush pink under layer. I’d added a black silk ribbon around my neck instead of jewelry and let my hair cascade long and straight around my bare shoulders.

I practiced a smile. I needed the practice, since I hadn’t been doing much smiling lately. Not since I’d told Bryan how I felt. Not since that kiss on the beach. Not since I’d bared my soul to him in that ballad.

I’d been so naïve, thinking that the kiss had been special, that it had meant something. What it’d meant was that Bryan was a guy like any other, taking what was thrown at him, and not the honor bound knight on a white charger that I’d made him out to be since I was a little.

Bryan didn’t want my love or the action. He hadn’t come around since then and he didn’t spend any time with me at all unless it was with the band or in a group setting.

Any remaining doubts as to where we stood were eliminated when I came out of class a few days later, following my usual shortcut across the quadrangle, and saw him with his tongue down Misty Rivera’s throat. Misty Rivera was one of the biggest sluts in the school.

Get over him Lace Lowell, I reasoned with myself. He’s not worth it. But as the days turned into weeks and graduation drew closer, I’d learned that reason didn’t mean jack shit when it came to matters of the heart.

I pressed my lips together and turned away from my reflection. Tonight wasn’t about Bryan. It was about War and me, and about going forward. War loved me. War wanted me. I was lucky to have him. Most of the girls at Roosevelt High wished they were in my shoes. It was time I showed him how much I cared.

I glanced at the bedside clock and frowned. My handsome guy was late, over an hour now. I hadn’t realized. Why hadn’t he called?

“Lace.” I heard Dizzy’s voice through the door.

Finally, I thought as I opened it.

Dizzy’s eyebrows rose. “Where’d you get that dress?”

“A yard sale. Took it in a little bit.” I shrugged.

“You look really beautiful.” He took my hand and placed it on his arm, escorting me down the stairs.

“Why aren’t you dressed, Diz? I thought you were going with Elaine.”

“There’s been a change in plans. I’m running out to the drug store for War, then going over to his place. He’s sick off his ass. Told me he’s been retching his guts out for the past couple of hours.”