“Sorry, I haven’t showered in… quite a while,” I admitted.
Joshua found my hand as we walked alongside together towards the towers. I promised the others I’d join them for dinner shortly, as soon as I cleaned up and we all could talk when I was done. Joshua led me towards our room, the silence deafening.
“Do you want me to…”
“What?” I asked not hearing his thoughts or knowing what he was thinking. I stepped into the bedroom as Joshua stood out in the hall. “You can come in. It’s your room, too.”
He closed the door behind us. “I just thought you might want some time alone,” he offered.
“I’ve had enough time alone for a century,” I sighed. I stripped down and turned the water on, not caring that he was staring at me. “Just, stay in here?” I asked him. I sounded foolish, childlike. It wasn’t that I was scared. I was concerned that I’d wake up and be back on the trail, searching for home. Being locked in a prison didn’t scare me. It wasn’t fun but I knew where I was. I recognized what was real.
I stepped into the shower, closed the curtain behind me. I could hear Joshua on the other side and it brought a smile to my lips. “I missed you, Olive.”
“I missed you, too,” I breathed, dipping my head back, the water turning black at my feet as it dribbled down. “How’s Henry? I mean I saw him, but is everyone holding up okay since Isaura is dead?”
I could hear Joshua over the spray of water raining down on me. “Everyone couldn’t be happier.” I reached for the shampoo, lathering it on before rinsing it away. “I still don’t think he believes that he has any control over the land south of here to Haven. I’ve tried convincing him,” Joshua sighed heavily. “But he insists that isn’t his territory or his intention.”
I rinsed the dirt away as best I could. I lathered my hair a second time seeing more dirt circling down the drain but not nearly as much. “You sound upset.” I wanted to look at him but kept my eyes shut as I rinsed the suds from my hair.
Joshua let out another sigh. “I wanted guards at Haven. I suspected you’d show there first, but Henry thought it was a waste of time and talent. Not that I blame him. It did take you thirty-one days to get home.”
“That’s how long I was gone?” I had lost track of time. After rinsing the shampoo I soaped my body, digging the dirt out of my nails and from every crevice of my skin. It seemed a near impossible task. I turned the water warmer feeling it grow cool after some time. I paid little attention to how long I’d been showering. I wanted to get clean, to scrub everything off of me. Even that which couldn’t be washed away.
“I thought you weren’t coming back,” Joshua admitted. “That they took your bracelet away or worse…” He didn’t finish the sentence. I shut the water off and pulled back the curtain. Joshua handed me a towel and I wrapped it around myself before stepping from the shower stall.
“I’m here. I’m okay.” I smiled. “I rode a horse up to Haven. Not the fastest way but better than on foot.” I sighed, drying myself off before walking into our bedroom to find a wardrobe with new dresses. “What are these?” I asked turning around to face him. The towel stayed tied around my chest, keeping me warm as I saw dozens of new outfits lining the closet.
“A gift,” Joshua admitted. “The women have been bringing thank you gifts for ending Isaura’s reign. Some have been dresses, some shoes. There’s been gifts for Adelaide too since they know how important she is to you.”
“That’s nice.” I didn’t know what to say, to think. “It’s too much.” I shook my head, taking a few steps backwards towards the bed. It caught me as I sat down.
“I can return the dresses or donate them to other families?” Joshua offered.
I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. “It’s not that I don’t love them,” I tried explaining. “I just, I can’t live up to the expectations they’ve set for me. I’m not a saint, Joshua. I murdered a woman.”
“Isaura,” he answered. “And she was a horrible person. She would have killed you if you’d given her the chance. Hell, she tried! I saw her try! You can’t feel guilty about what you did. You saved countless women and I know she did make amazing scientific discoveries but the cost was too great. She needed to be stopped.” Joshua moved to sit down beside me on the bed. “No one thinks you’re a saint,” he grinned, nudging me. “But believe me, they all feel this world is a little safer because you’re in it.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I understood that Isaura needed to be stopped and I’d done it. I didn’t feel guilty per se for what I’d done, instead I felt undeserving of such lavish gifts. I stood, walking towards the closet. My fingers moved over the new attire pulling a blue and white paisley dress that hugged my body down to my knees. “I’ll wear this tonight.” I beamed knowing it was a gift from Raven. I’d seen it on her once before and was more than happy with hand-me-down gifts. I turned my back to Joshua, slipping the dress on along with undergarments. “Help me out, please.” I gestured towards the zipper in the back. I felt his presence behind me before he even answered.
“Of course,” he whispered. His fingers grazed my skin as he slid the zipper towards the top of the dress, securing it into place. “You look, amazing.” He smiled, as I turned around finding my arms around his neck. I leaned closer, my forehead coming to rest against his. “I really did miss you,” he whispered
“I’m right here,” I assured him, kissing, my fingers moving through his hair and to the back of his neck. “I love you,” I whispered smiling as I felt his hands holding me tight against him.
“I love you too,” he breathed into my ear kissing my neck. “I know now isn’t the time to talk about it but I want to start trying. You and me.”
My stomach flopped as his hands moved across my abdomen and his kisses rested just above my cleavage. He pulled back slightly staring at my ghastly expression. “I don’t think I can, Josh.” My bottom lip trembled as I reached for his hand. “When I went back they gave me the vaccine.”
“What?” he asked, shaking his head, dumbfounded.
“I was exposed. Isaura wanted me to die there with her. She brought me in with the rotting corpses.” I grimaced, remembering the awful smell of decomposing flesh. “They gave me the vaccine to protect me. It’s okay,” I assured Joshua. “It’s not like we ever knew for certain I was like my mother.” I leaned in, kissing him softly. “I know you’re disappointed but at least we’re alive.” I squeezed his hand. “You and me, we can work the rest out, right?” I had to hold onto hope that this wouldn’t devastate him. It was upsetting to know the choice had been taken away but what choice was death?
Joshua pulled me tight. “Of course. You’re all that matters to me in this world.” I felt his kisses on my neck and a slight wetness as I ran my fingers through his hair.
“We can skip dinner if you want?” He was upset. I didn’t want him to be thinking about this all night in front of the others while we ate.
“No.” Joshua took a tentative step back and emitted a heavy sigh. He quickly regained his composure. Though his eyes looked moistened and his cheeks were red, the tears vanished. “You need to eat.” He kissed my cheek. “There’s always hope,” he whispered taking my hand as he led me out of our room and down to the dining room. “Don’t give up hope, Olive. Don’t ever give up hope.”
“I won’t,” I promised, kissing his cheek as we headed into the dining room together seeing all the familiar faces. I hugged everyone before finding my seat at the table, glad to be back in Spade and home.